One of the most serious problems that prevents us from living a full life and achieving success in it is various cases is low self-esteem. This is a really serious problem, because a person with low self-esteem underestimates his capabilities - he does not believe in himself, in his strength, in his success, considering himself unworthy of him, he has very modest ambitions. But the problem of low self-esteem is an unnatural problem for us. We acquire this problem as our life in society develops. If the people around us treat us very well, and we feel close to them, like a fish in water, and have everything necessary for life, then we are satisfied with ourselves. Our personal opinion about ourselves is formed from our satisfaction with our lives.

Thus, our self-esteem directly depends on what kind of people surround us, how they treat us, what opinion they impose on us about ourselves and about everything that surrounds us, and, of course, from our attitude to all this. Without other people, it is difficult for us to objectively evaluate ourselves, because without comparing ourselves with others, we may not think badly of ourselves at all. We shouldn't think badly of ourselves, it's not in our best interest, not to mention that we shouldn't compare ourselves to others, because we are all different and, more importantly, unique! So, people, people and once again the people who surround us - that's who most influences our self-esteem. It is people who, by their attitude towards us, by their behavior, by their example, force us to evaluate ourselves. in a certain way. That is, if we lived on a desert island, then our self-esteem would never be low. We would be preoccupied with the question of survival and would evaluate ourselves from this position. But we would evaluate ourselves without any emotions, but only from a practical point of view. But in human society, we tend to judge ourselves more emotionally than practically, so our environment is the soil in which we grow and mature in our self-esteem.

From the foregoing, we can draw a logical conclusion - if our self-esteem is underestimated, then our environment does not correspond to our interests. That is, we are surrounded by the wrong people who treat us wrong, not the way we need. And something needs to be done about it. Otherwise, our life will not be very good, not very pleasant. Think about whether we need low self-esteem, is there any benefit from it? It is clear that no, we do not need it and there is no benefit from it. The worse, the lower we evaluate ourselves, the less effective, less ambitious, less energetic, less happy we are. It is beneficial for us to think well of ourselves, very well, so that if we look for shortcomings in ourselves, then in a cheerful and energetic state, because only in such a state can we correct these shortcomings. But in a depressed and oppressed state, we will not be able to correct our shortcomings and will not do this, we will justify our inaction with them, and refer to them, engaging in self-flagellation. Not to mention the fact that a person with low self-esteem tends to be offended by everyone and everything, and this greatly prevents him from building constructive and lasting relationships with other people.

And what should we, or rather those of you who have low self-esteem, do with it? You will probably agree with me if I tell you that self-esteem needs to be raised if it is low. And even if it is not underestimated, it still needs to be increased, because the higher it is, the better. How to do it? Well, this can be done in two ways - you can pump yourself up in an appropriate way by affecting your emotional sphere, or with the help of awareness, you can brush aside all bad thoughts about yourself and begin to evaluate yourself practically, without any emotions. What method do you prefer? I prefer the latter. Therefore, we will talk about it in this article. I do not like all these psychological pumps, pumps, pumps, although I use them in my work with people in moderate doses, because it is not as practical and not as effective as understanding. What's the use of fooling a man like balloons, pumping his psyche, if this ball can go down, either with the help of other beliefs and suggestions, or with the help of appropriate circumstances? In a word, this is not very effective, and for a person who decides to raise his self-esteem seriously and for a long time, the option of pumping his psyche is not an option. But a complete understanding of yourself and your capabilities, and their skillful use - this is a really serious approach to business. When you understand the essence of the issue under consideration, you can generally evaluate yourself in the way that it is beneficial for you to evaluate yourself, regardless of the objective circumstances.

Do you think our self-esteem should reflect our real capabilities and life experience? Nothing like this. You can be a complete loser who has made a lot of mistakes in your life, and at the same time have a very high opinion of yourself. And contrary to the beliefs and statements of many people, including all kinds of specialists, this inflated opinion of yourself will be much more useful for you than the so-called objective self-esteem. Why? Yes, because for you it is much more important not who you were in the past and even who you are in the present, although it is certainly necessary to take this into account, but who you want to become. Do you want to be a failure, do you want to be a weakling, do you want to constantly make mistakes in your life? I'm sure not. But if your self-esteem is low, then you consider yourself worse than others in some ways, you are convinced that you are not capable of something, you are weak in some ways, and much of what you do is wrong. In general, you better know what you don't like about yourself. Well, perhaps, objectively, it is, and you need to be aware of your shortcomings and weaknesses in order to be able to work on them and correct them. But here lies the trap of the so-called objective self-assessment. It does not allow a person to start working on himself - he lacks self-confidence for this work, lacks energy, lacks faith in the best, and ultimately the desire to start changing something in himself. A person is not able to do even a “light cosmetic repair” of his psyche - considering himself an incorrigible loser. How many people do you know who, having low self-esteem, enthusiastically, overflowing with energy, worked to increase it? That's it. Therefore, many people do not need the truth about themselves, for nothing but frustration, depression, emptiness, despondency, sadness, and the like. negative emotions She doesn't bring them. And how can you work on yourself, how can you strive for more and better when your hands give up? There are, of course, very strong people who can face the truth and use that truth as a powerful incentive to work on themselves. But such people, as you understand, are few, very few.

When we struggle with low self-esteem, we primarily struggle with a person’s lack of faith in himself. We do not need any truth, we need a beautiful fairy tale about the future - about our bright future, so to speak, to which any self-respecting person should want to strive. And he must understand that this fairy tale is actually a fairy tale, but it can become a reality if you believe in it and start working on its implementation. We must all understand this. At such moments, a person realizes that he is the architect of his life, the architect of his destiny, the architect of his happiness. It doesn't matter who he was, and who he is now, what matters is who he can become. Do you understand? A person needs energy, energy, to increase his self-esteem, and then to make himself better, in order to objectively correspond to a high opinion of himself. We first invent ourselves, so to speak, design, and only then we make ourselves, and not vice versa. On the contrary, it is not efficient. Give a man a lot of money - he will puff himself up and think he knows what. Take that money away from him and he will again be blown away, and again become an insecure loser. Why do we, why do you need such dependence on circumstances?

Therefore, when they say that a person's self-esteem should correspond to his real position in society and his real capabilities, do not take these words seriously. Today, suppose you are a failure, and tomorrow, by taking certain actions, you can succeed in something, in some business that is important to you, and then one truth will be replaced by another truth. It is important to take these very actions, and in order to take them, you need to be of such an opinion about yourself that you have already achieved the success you need. Try to realize these words of mine, proven by the experience of many people, in full, and then you will think about yourself the way you need to think about yourself, and not how you are forced to think about yourself by circumstances and other people. And your self-esteem will be determined by you, depending on your interests and your desires, and nothing else.

Reading time: 2 min

Low self-esteem, unfortunately, today meets often. Due to the fact that a person is not able to adequately evaluate his own qualities, his potential and himself, he is unable and does not try to achieve something in life. This is where the main danger of low self-esteem lies. It may be stable or floating.

Stable low self-esteem does not depend on circumstances, while floating low self-esteem depends on the situation or the mood of the subject. People with low self-esteem often cannot understand why the society treats them with disdain, others are not at all friendly in communication, where to look for reasons for such an attitude.

Reasons for low self-esteem

Psychological problem low self-esteem is often found in modern society. It is sometimes capable of seriously poisoning a person’s life, and if several more negative manifestations of the personality are connected to it, then the person will simply be completely disappointed in life and people.

Low self-esteem and its causes come from childhood or as a result of a series of specific events due to which a person has lost faith in himself. An important factor that causes the emergence of feelings of guilt in childhood, is the low self-esteem of parents. It's more about a woman. After all, from the moment of birth, the baby almost completely owns her attention. Since many adults influence children with false beliefs, values, attitudes and principles, all this is necessarily transmitted to babies through behavior and reactions. In cases where parents see themselves as inferior or dependent on others, children feel unworthy, as a result of which they are unable to overcome difficulties and cope with problems. In fact, the erroneous views of the parents are made "facts" of the children's experience.

Low self-esteem, laziness, are the three so-called whales on which failure and dissatisfaction with life are based. When a baby is born, its brain size is approximately 12% of an adult's brain. By the age of one and a half years - 50%, and at five years the size of a child's brain is only 20% smaller than the brain of an adult. This organ is the fastest growing. During the growth period, the child's brain acquires basic impressions that help form a model for further behavior. Consequently, if during this period one or both parents have low self-esteem, then it is easily adopted by the impressionable consciousness of the baby.

It all starts with the first mistake, when parents start calling the baby bad. The child cannot understand this characteristic refers to his behavior rather than describing his personality traits.

Low self-esteem further develops as a result of comparing your child with others. Parents often match the baby with older children or, even worse, with someone outside the family. As a result, the child's feeling of inferiority and low self-esteem, which is still in its infancy, begins to grow and grow stronger. As a result, the baby compares himself with children of a similar age who are liked and admired by everyone, and begins to suffer from his own imaginary defects. The kid begins to believe that others are gifted with greater intelligence, confidence, strength and are more popular. The result is a devastating sense of inferiority. Parents should soften criticism and not infringe on the child as a person. Criticism should be directed at the wrong actions and erroneous actions of the baby, and not at him personally.

Low self-esteem and its causes stem from another mistake of parents - the lack of understanding and recognition of the individuality of their child. Many parents pay very little attention to his feelings, desires and views. Often you can hear such phrases from mom and dad as: “what can you understand” or “I know better what to do”, etc. Parents perceive children's disagreement as a personal insult or as a manifestation of disrespect for themselves. Such parental behavior is determined by their low self-esteem and is expressed in the need to be always right.

Many adults try to live indirectly through their children. They believe that children should get everything they previously aspired to. Therefore, they push children towards goals, regardless of their potential. They dream of fulfilling their unfulfilled hopes and desires through children.

Problems of low self-esteem are often directly related to the appearance of the individual. Many children face difficulties of a physical, intellectual and emotional nature due to their own special, abnormal or unusual appearance, which does not correspond to the mythical canons of attractiveness. They convince themselves that they are too fat, tall, slow, etc. Such beliefs lead to the development of a deep sense of inferiority, which is difficult to overcome in the future.

Many parents value material well-being very highly. The child adopts this attitude to life at the same time, identifying himself with these values. Subsequently, often, he marries for the sake of money. Gradually, materialism destroys in the child the perception of personal dignity, drawing him into the endless pursuit of wealth and thereby compensating for the feeling of inferiority.

Overbearing, overprotective, or always indulgent parents make children emotionally disabled. Deprived of the urge to accept life circumstances with confidence, dignity and firmness, they linger and go with the flow, choosing the path of least resistance. The complete lack of confidence in personal strengths or its lack gives rise to a feeling of inferiority, which leads to the formation of low self-esteem.

There are many factors that cause low self-esteem issues, but the following three are considered the most important. The first factor is a set of defeatist attitudes, beliefs, principles and values ​​borrowed from parents. The second factor is a set of own mistakes, failures and mistakes that is characteristic of the individual, acquired back in school years as a result of false, incorrect ideas and concepts of teachers. The third factor is a negative, overly religious upbringing with an emphasis on feelings of guilt and inferiority.

Signs of Low Self-Esteem

Each individual is unique, but people with low self-esteem have several common features. Individuals with inadequate self-evaluation respond to similar stimuli in similar ways.

People with low self-esteem have the following signs: indecision, pretense, dodging praise, increased vigilance, difficulty in being in the present, easily gives up and makes concessions, humbly asks, does not set high goals, constantly compares himself, forbids himself to be sincerely happy.

Indecision is expressed in the inability to make a choice. The need for choice drives a subject with low self-esteem into a stupor due to the fact that he is afraid of the consequences if he is wrong. decision. Pretense is manifested in the fear of showing yourself to others as you really are. The evasion of praise consists in ardently explaining in great detail why they do not deserve praise. Often avoidance of approval leads to the suspicion of insincerity pronouncing praise. People begin to think that there is nothing to praise them for, therefore, it means that they are simply mocked at. Increased vigilance is expressed in the observation of everything that they do (gestures, facial expressions, etc.) and others say. Thus, people with low self-esteem collect evidence that they are not loved. The difficulty of being in the present lies in the persistent regrets about the experienced past and fears for a new future, which does not allow the individual to comfortably stay in the present moment.

A person with low self-esteem has the confidence that he is constantly wrong and will definitely lose, so he easily gives up and makes concessions while never defending himself. The conviction of a person prone to underestimation of self-esteem, in inferiority, in the fact that his fate is in the hands of others who treat her the same way as he treats himself, forces the individual not to ask, but to beg others for some help. Setting only minor goals in front of you allows you to protect yourself in the future from an acute experience of failure, disappointment, because. a person is 100% convinced that failure is bound to happen.

A person with low self-esteem invariably compares himself to others and always to his disadvantage. An individual who is inclined to inadequately evaluate his own personality forbids to enjoy himself, because he is sure that he is not worthy of any happiness. Also, signs of low self-esteem can be manifested in interpersonal relationships subjects and in any communication interaction with the environment.

Low self-esteem - what to do

Problems of low self-esteem are a serious obstacle to development and success. It is dangerous, in addition to the fact that the individual will remain unrealized, also because it is accompanied by mental suffering, feelings of fear and guilt, feelings of inferiority. An individual with low self-esteem gradually moves away from the world, which leads to a feeling of being rejected and unwanted.

Insecure individuals are characterized by bodily and emotional tightness, shyness. People unconsciously perceive other personalities according to their self-esteem. Therefore, if a person evaluates himself low, then one should not expect a higher “score” from others.

A series of failures often leads to situational low self-esteem. If self-esteem has decreased not due to the influence of certain circumstances, but is a stable attitude towards oneself, then it will not be easy, but possible to increase it. Personal training and positive psychotherapy help a lot.

What to do with low self-esteem? Situational low self-esteem rises quite easily - it is enough just to distract the individual from the negative circumstances experienced, to involve him in a new undertaking or another situation in which success is quite real. Also, with this type of low self-esteem, the support of loved ones and relatives will not be superfluous.

How to deal with low self-esteem, you ask. The main thing is your desire and perseverance. Try to do what you have long dreamed of, but dislike for yourself prevented you from doing it. For example, go on a trip, buy something that you have been dreaming about for a long time, treat yourself to your favorite food, change your image, visit the theater or cinema, meet friends. In general, you need to do what you have been putting off doing because of your dislike for yourself and because it was a pity to spend time and money on yourself.

Try to reconsider your attitude to failures and failures. You need to learn to treat them as an acquired experience, potential opportunities to learn something new, better know others and your own capabilities. This will certainly bring positive results and increase your own personal self-esteem.

Low self-esteem - how to deal with it

A person can do everything, but often laziness, fear and low self-esteem stand in the way of achieving her goals.

Low self-esteem is also dangerous because it violates the quality of life of an individual. It can manifest itself in various spheres of an individual's life. Besides, low self-esteem personality can also have an unpleasant effect on its immediate environment - friends, colleagues, relatives, etc. Therefore, this problem should be fought, but it must be done in such a way that it does not turn into a war with one's own personality. On the contrary, the individual should try to learn to love and accept himself.

How to deal with low self-esteem? For starters, stop constantly comparing yourself to your surroundings. Someone is a talented artist, and you are given to cook masterfully, which is absolutely beyond the power of another subject. Think about the fact that someone may just dream of the skills that you perform masterfully, but consider them unnecessary. You need to start doing what is really interesting and not overwhelming. A hobby can tell a lot about a person, it can help to find associates and keep up the conversation. Try to understand that you are a human, therefore, you can make mistakes that absolutely the entire population of the Earth makes. After all, a mistake is not a personal fault, but an experience and an opportunity to learn something new.

Try to objectively assess your own strengths and weaknesses. Take responsibility for your own life, failures and successes. If something went wrong, it can always be changed. Focus on personal successes, achievements, not failures. Forget about grievances, do not focus on them.

With any interaction with the environment, you do not need to hold back and think about what impression you will make. It is better to focus on the interlocutor and on the conversation with him. In this case, you will definitely make a favorable impression. After all, everyone loves to be listened to attentively.

Problems of low self-esteem today are found at every turn, so do not immediately panic if you notice an inadequate assessment of your own personality and your own merits. Better take your will into a fist and engage in increasing faith in yourself and your potential.

Speaker of the Medical and Psychological Center "PsychoMed"

How we treat ourselves is how others treat us. Low self-esteem is a syndrome that can lead to serious problems both in your career and in your personal life.

perfectionism

Perfectionism can be both a manifestation of low self-esteem and its cause. A perfectionist who strives for non-existent perfection or simply high standards rarely gets satisfaction from his work and is therefore more susceptible to criticism. He strives to conform to the ideal image that he has created for himself, and, not achieving it, he experiences a feeling of disappointment in himself, up to contempt.

Speech

A person with low self-esteem constantly uses certain words in his speech. Firstly, these are negative phrases expressing denial: “impossible, not sure, not ready, I do not have the appropriate knowledge; yes, but…”

Secondly, constant apologies. And thirdly, phrases that belittle the value of human actions and labor. Surely you are familiar with excuses: “I was just lucky”, “my colleagues did most of the work, and I just helped them”, and so on. People with low self-esteem do not perceive compliments and gratitude well, trying to immediately argue with praise and prove the opposite. Why? It's all about the guilt complex. It doesn't matter what. Perhaps the work was not done well enough in their opinion, or they made little effort to fulfill the request, even if they did it. Guilt is the next sign by which you can identify a person who does not think too much about himself.

Guilt

Feelings of guilt, like perfectionism, can be the cause of low self-esteem. As psychologist Darlene Lanser says, if a person feels deeply guilty and cannot forgive himself for this for a long time, he will constantly reproach himself for this, remind him of his “burden on his heart” and be constantly ashamed of his actions. Ultimately, he will lose self-respect and with it self-esteem.

The relationship can also be reversed. A person with low self-esteem suffers from constant self-criticism and is not able to adequately perceive the mistakes of the past. Hence the neurotic guilt in insecure people

Depression

According to research by Dr. psychological sciences, Lars Madslen - self-doubt can also be the cause of frequent depression or a constant bad mood. According to her, self-esteem is the key to both development and recovery from depression, which is considered a serious psychological problem.

excuses

People with low self-esteem tend to justify others, even if their actions are contrary to all norms of behavior. Usually they argue that everyone has their own circumstances, that everyone can be understood. Psychologists explain this position as an attempt to avoid criticism, which can be encountered when judging others.

Lack of initiative

What really prevents people with low self-esteem in professional field So it's a lack of initiative. Such a person, having received certain powers, will, at any opportunity, transfer them into the wrong hands. No wonder, because he is not sure that he will cope with his task, even if he is an “ace” in his field. In a dispute with an interlocutor, he is also unlikely to be able to defend his position, preferring to agree with his opponent.

indecision

Such people are not ready to bear responsibility for their decisions. They generally prefer not to decide anything. Suddenly they make a mistake, and the decision turns out to be wrong. In this case, it will not be possible to avoid criticism. The worst thing for insecure people is criticism of loved ones: relatives, friends, whom they are afraid of losing. After all, this, in their opinion, will be the price for the wrong decision.

A person's self-esteem affects his life. It seems that you can not build on the assessment of yourself. However, it is precisely how a person perceives himself and what he believes that will determine his well-being and happiness. Low self-esteem with all its signs never gives happiness. The reasons for its occurrence are varied. However, it is their elimination that allows you to get rid of low self-esteem.

In another way, low self-esteem can be called like this: “feeling of your own insignificance” and “victim complex”. A person, for some objective or non-objective reasons, perceives himself negatively. He does not love himself, does not respect, does not appreciate. As for personal potential, it seems to a person that he does not have it at all.

Can a person with low self-esteem reach any heights? No. Even having some goals, he would rather turn them into dreams and desires than make efforts to realize them. A person who treats himself as a nonentity, unable to achieve and do anything, will not be able to jump above his head. He will think that other people are happier and more successful than he is. Although the difference will only be that others are trying to jump above the manifested capabilities, and a person with low self-esteem will draw conclusions without doing or doing anything.

Low self-esteem is in first place in terms of prevalence. Around everyone lives a lot of "victims" and "nobodies". Often these people only pretend to be such, but in fact they have inflated self-esteem. However, the position of the victim helps them achieve what they want. If there are achievements, then we are not talking about low self-esteem. This is the difference:

• With high self-esteem, a person achieves what he wants, even if he shows personality traits with low self-esteem.
• With low self-esteem, a person never achieves goals, constantly suffers and does not rejoice at anything.

What is low self-esteem?

What is low self-esteem? This is a person’s assessment of himself from the position of “I am nothing”, “I can’t do anything”, “I won’t succeed”, etc. This is a negative attitude towards myself in comparison with other people, which is expressed in the formula “I- , Other+".

Surrounding people seem to be more successful, smart, beautiful and worthy than a person thinks about himself. Low self-esteem originates from childhood, when parents are engaged in raising a person, and it can manifest itself at any age. The accompanying qualities that develop in a person with low self-esteem are:

1. Lack of self-confidence and personal potential.
2. embarrassment.
3. Fear of rejection.
4. Cowardice.
5. Fear of not being accepted in society.
6. Indecision.
7. Lack of faith in one's own attractiveness.
8. Shyness.
9. Excessive resentment.
10. Fear of being ridiculous.
11. Failure to protect yourself and your honor.
12. Disrespect and self-loathing.

It is not necessary to say that a person with low self-esteem will achieve success. That is why people with this quality dream of boosting their self-esteem. They say it's better to have high self-esteem than low self-esteem. Of course, none of the extremes gives happiness to a person, but inflated self-esteem has one advantage over low self-esteem - an arrogant person achieves success in at least something, while a person who considers himself worthless does not achieve any happiness.

Low self-esteem is the most common. This lies in the reasons that form it, as well as in the moral foundations of society that are promoted.

A common feature of high and low self-esteem is that a person does not look at himself realistically. A feature of low self-esteem is that a person notes mainly shortcomings in himself, while he sees only advantages in other people.

A person does not evaluate himself adequately when he sees his own strengths and weaknesses. With low self-esteem, he notices only his shortcomings, often exaggerating them and focusing on them. As for the merits, they, in the opinion of a person, may exist, but they are so insignificant that they should not be paid attention to.

Success cannot be achieved by noting only the shortcomings. That is why a person with low self-esteem does not achieve anything. Moreover, he is so fixated on his own flaws and weaknesses that he cultivates in himself. He does everything to make them even more manifest.

Causes of low self-esteem

The main causes of low self-esteem are:

1. Parental assessment of a person at the age when he was small.
2. Consent with the opinions of other people as the only truth.
3. Focusing on your own failures.
4. High level of claims.

Low self-esteem takes its origin from childhood, when the child is not able to evaluate himself adequately, therefore, he relies on the opinion of his parents. Significant people for him are Gods, whose opinion he fully trusts. If parents constantly criticize, compare the child with other children, point out his shortcomings, do not show love, talk about what he is bad at, then low self-esteem will certainly develop. The child begins to believe that constant criticism of him and finding shortcomings in him is the norm.

Parents often form low self-esteem when they build other people into an ideal that the child needs to match. The kid should behave like or be like some people pointed out by the parents. Since it is difficult even for an adult to be not himself, another person, a conflict arises between the desired and the actual. The child begins to criticize himself for his own inability to be different, not himself.

Focusing on the external defects or sickness of the child can also lead to a decrease in self-esteem. If parents teach a child to evaluate himself in terms of how beautiful he is, has a lot of toys, is healthy, strong, etc., then any inconsistency with ideals will lower the child's self-esteem.

All people at any age face criticism from others. If you take it on faith, as the truth and an irrefutable axiom, then self-esteem will certainly be low. Surrounding people are more accustomed to criticize than to admire each other. Therefore, often a person's self-esteem will depend on the opinions of others and most often be underestimated.

In the development of low self-esteem, a significant role is played by what a person focuses on. Everyone has setbacks and problems. However, those who focus on this, plunge into the abyss of despair and depression due to the failure that has arisen, low self-esteem is formed.

Moreover, it also leads to an overestimation of the requirements in relation to oneself. When a person wants to achieve high results for as soon as possible, he will certainly encounter difficulties and complexities, which in the end he is not able to solve and eliminate. Another failure leads to disappointment in oneself, because too high demands were set, beyond the strength of an ordinary person.

Signs of low self-esteem

People with low self-esteem are fairly easy to spot. They show certain signs of low self-esteem, which are:

• Negative attitude towards oneself: lack of love, respect, self-worth, etc.
• Choosing, surrounding yourself and establishing relationships with people who will treat a person according to his personal self-esteem: not love him, criticize, humiliate, etc.
• Constant complaints about circumstances, life, the inability to change anything.
• Calling yourself weak, unlucky, etc.
• Calling pity from others.
• Dependent behavior on the attitude of surrounding people. It can be hurt, offended, spoil the mood, etc.
• Remark in other shortcomings that he himself possesses.
• Blaming others for their own troubles in order to shift responsibility to them.
• The desire to be weak and sick in order to receive from people the attention and care that he does not receive when he is healthy.
• Untidy appearance. Posture and gestures are indecisive, withdrawn, closed.
• Constantly finding flaws in yourself.
• Attitude to extraneous criticism as proof of one's own inferiority, insult, emotional wound.
• Lack of friends.
• Familiar, boastful, demonstrative behavior in order to hide a negative attitude towards oneself.
• Inability to make a decision.
• Inability to perform a new action because there is a fear of making a mistake.

How to get rid of low self-esteem?

High and low self-esteem are extremes that people fall into. When faced with failure, inflated self-esteem instantly falls, and when success is achieved, a person suddenly begins to feel omnipotent. This indicates an instability of self-esteem, which will not allow a person to fully live. How to get rid of low self-esteem?

You can seek the help of a psychologist on the site site, or you can independently cope with the problem under consideration. Psychologists give such advice:

1. Start celebrating your strengths. Focus more on them. In order not to go to an overestimated self-esteem, you should see your strengths and weaknesses, treating both sides of your personality normally.
2. Please yourself. Finally start living for your own pleasure. You should not give up your duties and work, but you should not give up those hobbies that bring you happiness.
3. Love yourself. Love is about accepting yourself with all the strong and weaknesses. You are an ordinary person who may have flaws along with virtues.
4. Take care of your appearance. It is not necessary to make yourself a top model or go under the surgeon's scalpel. It is enough just to appreciate your natural, natural appearance and make it attractive.
5. Train willpower, which can be done through sports, self-control, etc.
6. Change your thinking to a positive one. Get less into bad thoughts. You may have them, but let good thoughts fill your head.

Outcome

Low self-esteem is not much better than high self-esteem. A person constantly lives in his own illusions, which prevent him from adequately seeing himself and evaluating the behavior of others. Often other people take advantage of this, which leads to a sad outcome when a person is again faced with disappointments. To prevent this from happening, you need to see yourself in real light and evaluate your potential objectively, taking all your advantages and disadvantages on an equal footing.

People rarely know how to adequately assess themselves and do not understand how to deal with low self-esteem and how to determine how accurate their assessment of themselves is. What is self-esteem? It's pretty difficult question, and there is no clear answer. It is a set of factors, each of which contributes to what we call self-esteem and self-esteem.

How to determine low self-esteem in women, what are the signs and causes of this state of affairs?

It so happened that many women in our country receive a patriarchal upbringing. The head of the house is always a man, and a woman occupies a dependent position.

A little girl from childhood gets used to the fact that dad, uncle, brothers, they are always right, and she is obliged to obey them. This leaves its mark on the future of this girl. She will always feel guilty and dependent no matter what she does.

As a rule, in adulthood, such women try to be invisible. They dress modestly, hide their eyes and do not know how to behave with men.

In rare cases, they manage to make a career, but in their personal lives they will still feel inferior.

Women with low self-esteem do not know how to accept gifts or compliments. It seems to them that they are unworthy of this, and they prefer to escape from increased attention.

If a relationship with a man does begin, everything will go in a circle. A woman will adapt to the influence of her partner and please him in everything. She will be afraid that if she shows her true character, she will be herself, her partner will not like it, and she will play her role to the end. After all, in her opinion, love is sacrifice and suffering.

The reason for a sharp drop in self-esteem can be parting with a loved one. Quite often, abandoned women blame themselves for not holding back, not noticing, and not coping. As a rule, in such cases, low self-esteem coexists with depression, which aggravates the condition.

Every woman needs to know how to deal with low self-esteem. It is useful for all women without exception.

1. For women, their appearance is very important. Yes, yes, not only men love with their eyes. If a woman does not like her own reflection in the mirror, then what kind of self-esteem can we talk about? Get yourself in order. Go to a beauty salon and don't leave until you finally look at yourself in the mirror with admiration.

2. Nice underwear. This is something that raises self-esteem instantly. Let it be expensive, but your own happiness is more expensive.

3. If there is a problem with the selection of underwear due to a slightly “floated” figure, it does not matter. Put your underwear aside and sign up for a gym. Everyone needs a slim and fit figure. This is an occasion to praise yourself and once again turn around in the mirror.

4. Get new knowledge. Do you have driver's license? And how much foreign languages you know? It really doesn't matter what you study, yoga or belly dancing, the main thing is that you like it.

5. Smile. Even if it's sad, especially if it's sad. Stand in front of a mirror and smile. Even if you don’t feel like it, stretch your lips into a smile, and show your tongue to yourself, or make a face. The sight of yourself laughing is helpful. This will cheer you up and give you the strength to fight your self-esteem further.

6. Write a list of your strengths. And step by step, with explanations. For example: “I can draw eyebrows in such a way that Kim Kardashian would cry with envy if she saw this.” Let these be small achievements and virtues, but you have them.

7. If your environment criticizes you endlessly, then do you need such an environment? Will people who respect a person hurt him with their nit-picking? Reduce communication with these critics to the bare minimum.

8. Don't compare yourself to someone else. Compare your past achievements with your current ones. After all, you have learned something in this life, have advanced in your successes, and this is a reason to be proud of yourself.

9. Help someone who needs help right now. Bring the bag to grandma, feed the kitten, and their “thank you” and grateful look will make you feel needed.

How to raise women's self-esteem?

Low self-esteem in men

Signs of low self-esteem in men can manifest themselves in different ways. Sometimes a man withdraws into himself, suffers from depression, which can lead to alcoholism, aggression or social isolation.

As with women, men have their own attitudes. A man must be strong, brave, successful, and popular with women. If at least one of these “shoulds” fails, everything else can fall apart. One misfire in bed destroys a career, courage and lowers self-esteem to zero.

Other men try to hide their low self-esteem by over-grooming their appearance. They look beautiful, but at the same time they are sensitively listening, if someone is laughing behind his back? This poisons their lives and spoils relationships with others.

To raise a man's self-esteem, you need to try. As a rule, men are very stubborn and rarely admit that they have problems with self-esteem, unless it is completely crushed.

The first step for a man should be to acknowledge the fact that he has low self-esteem. This is a step towards bringing it up. It is good if there is an understanding woman next to such a man to support him and praise him for his successes. If such a woman is not around, you will have to cope on your own.

1. Ideal men do not exist, and you should not compare yourself with someone. Nature endowed everyone with different talents and abilities. If you don't know how to do somersaults like Jackie Chan, then maybe you are a genius at telling jokes?

2. When meeting women, they look at a man’s face for only 10 seconds. If you are not a well-written handsome man, you should not worry about it, for most women, male beauty and the correctness of facial features are secondary. If you want to please a woman, go to the gym. In this case, a woman will admire your toned figure and forget about your imperfect face.

3. Like it or not, a man must be intellectually developed. Read more, develop and become a pro in your field. In fact, you'll be forgiven for not knowing the name of the world's longest river if you're good at fixing computers, translating abstracts remarkably, or being able to instantly find the information you need.

4. Don't berate yourself for failures. You may have failed once or twice, but that's no reason not to try again. Most people like to watch movie after movie, and only there you can see how many takes the actors have to do to make everything look beautiful. But they are pros and talents, but they also have to make dozens, or even hundreds of attempts.

5. Many men want everything at once. They set themselves obviously unrealistic goals, and, not achieving them, fall into despondency. This is a huge mistake. Yes, it’s good to outline the main goal, but you should write down step by step how to achieve this goal. It may be necessary to make adjustments to plans or go the other way. Sometimes stubbornness does not allow admitting even to oneself that somewhere in this plan a mistake has crept in. Find this mistake and admit that you have not done enough here, re-read point # 4 and again into battle.

6. Oddly enough, but men are very dependent on the opinions of others. If the company wound up morally strong man, he will certainly choose a weaker one and will raise his own self-esteem at his expense. In such a team, it is difficult to throw off the burden of an eternal loser and a “whipping boy”. There are two options here: either respond to insults, or leave. But you can't run forever. You need to set yourself up, gather all your courage into a fist and put the boor in his place. It’s only scary the first time, but if you always swallow insults, there can be no question of any self-esteem, in general.

7. You should mentally prepare for self-defense. Practice in front of a mirror, how you stand, how you look. Does your posture and gaze command respect? Self-confidence should show through in everything, in gestures, in conversation, and this can be achieved by training. Make it a rule to talk to your reflection for at least 10 minutes every day. You can imagine that you are talking to your boss or someone you don't like. Tell him everything you think about him. At first glance, this is a stupid idea, but it only seems. You must see yourself the way others see you. Over time, you will learn to be more confident.

8. Watch your appearance. Nobody loves and respects sluts. Let your clothes not from an expensive boutique, but they should be neat. Go to a stylist, not just a hairdresser. And do not argue, men need stylists no less than women. Even a banal change of hairstyle can dramatically change your life.

9. Start respecting yourself. People who allow their feet to be wiped on themselves cannot evoke anything but pity. Moreover, by their behavior they themselves provoke other people to aggression, and only the man himself can break this circle.

Low self-esteem in men. Discussion on the channel «Stillavin and his friends»

Low self-esteem in a child, how to deal with it

Low self-esteem in adults is a consequence of childhood problems. A person is not born with high or low self-esteem, and all this is formed in childhood. Parents can raise a loser without even realizing the trauma they are inflicting on their child.

A child should not deserve the love of a parent. He should always know that his parents love him, whatever he may be.

As a rule, low self-esteem in children extends to everything. He does not want to solve the problem, to sit on a bicycle not because of laziness, but because of the fear of not being able to cope.

These kids don't have friends. They often cry, act up and consider themselves freaks.

If parents notice signs of low self-esteem in a child, this is a reason to sound the alarm. The sooner you start correcting the situation, the more chances the child gets for a normal life.

How to get rid of low self-esteem in a child, you should listen to the advice of a psychologist. After all, children's psychology is somewhat different from that of adults, and they have their own understanding of the world.

1. The child must know that his parents always love him. Even when he ripped his new pants or got an F. After all, this is a trifle that is not worth the mental health of the baby. This is just a child, and he is just learning to explore the world. And in order to know him, he must fill more than one bump and tear more than one pair of trousers.

2. Even if the child is guilty, in no case should you say "You are bad." Replace this phrase with a more specific one: "You did a bad thing." That is, you need to criticize the offense, but not the child himself. After all, children do not intentionally break their mother's favorite cup and hit the glass with the ball. Children and adults also sometimes have problems with coordination of movements.

3. Talk to your child. Adults are often busy and “leave me alone” is the only thing children hear. But they have a million questions, and on the basis of the answers they form their idea of ​​life. Eternal "do not interfere" make the child feel superfluous and unnecessary to their own parents.

4. Do not compare your child with someone more successful. Some people are more comfortable with math, others are better with history. You can't be talented at everything. Of course, this is not a reason not to learn difficult subjects, but you should not focus on what the child cannot naturally achieve success in. Criticism should be productive and not humiliating your child. Remember when you were in school, did you manage to do everything at once?

5. Let your child know that he is a person, that he is unique, and he does not need to try to be like someone else. After all, children choose their idols not because of their appearance or success, but because they want the same love of others.

6. Give your child the opportunity to develop. Often there are traditions in families, and if all the doctors in the family, the child will certainly be pushed into medicine. If the child wants to make a sports or musical career, they immediately admit at the family council that he is “a dumbass and a disgrace to the surname.” The child is broken for the sake of their ambitions.

7. In adolescence, low self-esteem manifests itself especially harshly. Children join informal youth groups and demonstrate their own independence with all their appearance. It's actually a cry for help from a child. He cannot be himself and seeks his own kind, but even there he feels himself superfluous. Internal conflict child can lead to teenage drug addiction or alcoholism. To avoid this, you need to look closely at the environment of your child. While the child is looking for somewhere to go, it is the parents who can offer him a safe and useful hobby.

8. Parents must understand that they cannot protect the child from outside world. All children are teased at school, and the only difference is how these children react to teasing. Teach your child the right reaction to such pranks. Tell how you were teased as a child, how you teased classmates, and come up with a couple of funny stories. While the child is small, he needs patterns of correct behavior, and only parents can provide them.

9. Remember that a happy and successful person cannot grow out of children with low self-esteem. If everyone kicks a child in the class, the same thing will happen at the university, and then at work. Self-esteem is formed from childhood. Respect the opinion and personal space of your child, and then he will demand respect for his space and outsiders in the same way.

How to determine a child's self-esteem

Healthy egoism is not a vice, but the necessary qualities of every person who has normal self-esteem and self-esteem.