In times of stress, patience breeds peace of mind, not anger.

What is patience? I prefer to look in the dictionary first: "patience: the ability to accept and endure delay, difficulty, or adversity without getting angry or upset." I don't know anyone whose life is free from these three factors. In fact, I cannot remember a single day in my own life without the presence of one of these feelings.

For many years, my reaction to them was "angry" or, in any case, "disappointment." Then I realized that this response only made an already stressful and unpleasant situation worse. So I began to consciously try to respond to "delay, difficulty or trouble" in a different way. Sometimes the best thing I could do was bear the presence of these factors. However, I continued these attempts, and with practice, it became easier for me to "recognize" them with an open heart, as an inevitable part of my life.

When I was able to do this—tolerate and sometimes even acknowledge delay, difficulty, or discomfort—I noticed two things about the psychology of patience. First, being patient is treating yourself with compassion. Compassion is a way to reach out to those who are suffering, including yourself. I certainly suffer when I'm impatient, because lack of patience is a stressful reaction to what's going on in my life. I can feel stress both in my mind and in my body. So developing patience is self-care, which is the foundation of self-compassion.

Secondly, I have noticed that patience improves self-control - peace of mind makes it easier to survive ups and downs, and not toss and turn like a boat caught in a storm. The correlation between patience, increased self-compassion, and self-control convinced me of the value of patience. I thought: “Hmm, less suffering and stress, plus a calm acceptance of life as it is ... sounds good.” If you want to learn how to learn patience, then I recommend that you practice as follows. (Note: I cover this thought and emotion transformation approach in more detail in my books How to Wake Up: A Buddhist-Inspired Guide to Managing Joy and Sorrow and How to Live Well with Chronic Pain and Illness: A Handbook.)

1. Recognize the emergence of impatience

This may be difficult at first. When something goes wrong (for example, we are stuck in a traffic jam), we tend to think that the reason for our impatience is external - something that happens "out there". Naturally, the reason is in what is going on in our minds, namely our response to the circumstances we are facing. So start by watching for impatience to build up in your mind in response to something not going the way we would like it to.

You may already know some of your annoying factors: being made to wait too long; when you are standing in a long queue; when you are trying to deal with a computer problem; when you have to wait a long time for a doctor; having to listen to someone explain something very simple for an impossibly long time (the latter is a trait of mine that tests my family's patience!).

Note that impatience is shown when something goes wrong - especially when people or our environment does not meet our expectations, even in circumstances that we cannot control (for example, traffic jams or long queues). Our expectations often do not match reality. I can give four examples of such expectations, and all of them can provoke impatience.

First, we tend to expect that the environment will meet our expectations: no traffic jams, no lack of parking spaces near our destination; no long queues; no delays at the airport; no long wait for food in the restaurant.

Second, we tend to expect people to live up to our expectations. They should behave the way we think they should behave. “The woman in front of me in line should not be talking to the cashier.” "If he said he would call at exactly three o'clock, he should call at three sharp." Even if we're "right" (after all, it's polite to call at the promised time), people often don't live up to our expectations, that's a fact.

Third, our expectations are often unrealistic when it comes to developing new skills, whether it's a new craft, a new app, or fixing something yourself. We think we should be able to pick up new skills quickly, no matter how unfamiliar or difficult they are to us.

Fourth, our expectations are almost always unrealistic about what goes on in our minds. We think we should be able to control the thoughts and emotions that we have. However, unexpected thoughts and emotions arise all the time. Thinking and experiencing emotions is in the nature of our consciousness; in my experience, it's unstoppable. Without a doubt, impatience does not stop this process!

2. Explore how your mind and body respond to impatience

Allowing yourself to feel impatience is an important step towards acknowledging it. This is important because, in my experience and from a psychological point of view, it is impossible to start transforming a tense mental state until you admit that you are stuck in it. So work on getting to know what impatience feels like. Is your mind calm or agitated? Is your body relaxed or tense? Never before has impatience felt like something pleasant to my mind or body. Knowing that this is an unpleasant feeling helps me motivate myself and try to change how I react to “delay, difficulty or unpleasantness” - our three friends from the dictionary.

3. Start transforming impatience into patience

This takes practice. Practice full of patience. And since patience is an act of sympathy for oneself, I hope you will sympathize with your inability to be patient in some cases. In this regard, here are some strategies for transforming impatience into patience.

Let's start with those times when the environment or people don't match your expectations: for example, you're stuck in a traffic jam or you end up in line right behind a person chatting with a cashier. First, note that you are reacting to the situation with impatience. Second, pay attention to what you are experiencing in your mind and body. Then ask yourself, "Is there anything I can do to make a difference without making things worse for myself and others?" If your answer is "no" (in most cases it will be), then see if you can find something, as I would call it, "good" in this situation. Namely, start focusing on something pleasant or interesting while you wait.

This is self-awareness training, meaning you make a conscious choice—supported by effort—to pay attention to what is going on in your field of consciousness. When I feel impatience kicking in, I can almost always find something in the present moment that piques my curiosity or interest. This allows me to respond to what is happening, not with "anger" or "sorrow", but with patience.

Being in a traffic jam, you can consider different brands, models and ages of cars on the road; you can strike up a conversation with another person in the car; you can find a radio station. If I find myself in a long line, I can stare in amazement at the ridiculous headlines in the tabloids posted on the counters next to the cashier; you can look at the people standing around me - how they all look different and each of them has their own life story, about which I know nothing; you can even overhear the chatter that delays me!

In general, I try to cultivate friendliness towards talkers, to enjoy the way they enjoy each other's company. After all, what is another one or two minutes in line? If, like me, you find it difficult to stand for a long time, you can look for something to lean on or stand in a stable position to be more balanced. Sometimes I carry a cane with me.

I mean, yes, the initial choice is to have a "no traffic on the freeway" rule and a "no chatter at the checkout" directive, but most of the time we don't have that choice. When this happens, I know what I would prefer if one alternative is to be upset and angry, and the other is to try to make the experience enjoyable, or at least bearable.

There are still unrealistic expectations in the formation of new skills. This expectation is partly shaped by our cultural attitude to hurry, hurry, hurry, whatever we do. However, if we acted more slowly and patiently, not only would we enjoy more, but we would also likely develop this skill better.

Finally, about unrealistic expectations in controlling our consciousness. Instead of feeling impatient (“angry” or “upset”) about what is going on in our minds, we could deal with unwanted thoughts and emotions with more ease, sometimes even with humor in relation to the unbridled mind. In my new book, How to Wake Up, I quote from one of the first Buddhist books I read, Mindfulness in Plain English by Bhante Gunaratana. Here is what he said about consciousness:

“[One day] you will come face to face with the sudden and shocking realization that you are absolutely crazy. Your mind is a screeching, gibbering madhouse on wheels, rolling erratically down the hill, completely out of control and helpless. No problem".

I love this quote for two reasons. First of all, I take comfort in the fact that I'm not the only one with a screeching, babbling madhouse on wheels instead of consciousness. Second, Bhante says, "No problem." I take "no problem" as confirmation that I can learn to be patient with this "crazy" mind. I can learn not to be upset or angry when unwanted thoughts and emotions come up, but instead to calmly acknowledge their presence, knowing that, in time, the universal law of fragility will help me. Conditions will change... and so will my mind.

We can transform impatience into patience. It's worth the effort, because being patient is about treating ourselves with compassion, and it also helps us to calmly accept things as they are... and that's a good feeling.

Toni Bernard, Lawyer, Former UC Davis Lecturer in Law, Buddhist Practitioner, Author

Since people do not know how to manage time, they have to wait for an event, and this is not to everyone's liking. Patience is not an innate ability, so it has to be developed, but rarely does anyone think about it, which leads to adverse consequences.

Patience at work

Sometimes this or that business is difficult to complete, despite the fact that professional qualities fully correspond to it. This happens for several reasons, one of which is a lack of concentration. To complete the task, you need to completely abstract from the environment and merge into its execution. It is curious that the presence of a stimulus may not be obvious: if the source of the noise at some point overpowers your concentration, then the obsessive thought or anxiety does not immediately attract attention.

To avoid nervous shocks, find out what are the reasons for your impatience. Before starting work, make sure that there are no irritants around, and your head is free from painful thoughts. Get rid of everything that prevents you from being productive.

Of course, the work itself can be a source of impatience, or rather, the expectation of its completion. Impatience likes to confuse you by substituting other goals for your thoughts, such as when you are doing a boring job, you want to finish it faster and go home. It doesn’t work out faster and you get angry, and the more you crave to finish the work, the more difficult it becomes to do it, respectively, the goal is in no hurry to meet you and the circle of impatience closes.

To avoid resentment, build a logical chain that clearly demonstrates the meaning of the problem, thanks to which rationalism will moderate the ardor of impatience a little. After that, take a short break and rethink the attitude towards work, try to treat it with due respect so that it does not annoy. In addition, you can translate it into a game form, for example, divide the lesson into several stages, and then try to complete them one by one in a certain amount of time. The division of the parts of the work will make progress in its performance obvious, and the competition with the clock will give sporting interest to the work. The psychological component of the question is very important - tune in to your duties, convince yourself that they are really entertaining, and most importantly - do not focus on the goal, as it only distracts you from progress.

Waiting without difficulty

The goal exists without work, so in some cases it is enough just to wait to get what you want. In these situations, waiting fuels interest and imagination, but it also takes up your time. Let's say you're waiting for a movie to hit the big screens. Impatience rewatches all the trailers, rereads numerous interviews, and replays the first day of the show and its content in great detail, and at the same time robs you of time that you could devote to other activities.

Patience is not synonymous with inaction. It is designed not only to negate negative emotions during work, but also to keep you from wasting time. In one case, restraint works for the goal, and in the second, it abandons it in favor of other causes. You control the process of switching these modes, so treat your time sparingly and do not waste it on trifles.

Global Goals

Often impatient people ignore the mathematical meaning of life. They see it as an abstract value of self-realization, but in fact it is a specific timer that counts down the melting of your temporary capital, which means that it must be distributed responsibly and carefully.

Of course, life expectancy cannot be calculated exactly, so we will use the average value. Let's say you have been given 65 years, which is 23,742 days (3,391 weeks), 17 of them you lead a non-independent lifestyle - 6,209 (887), study for 5 years - 1,826 (260). There are 15,707 days or 2,243 weeks left to devote to the arrangement of life. In order to build a successful career, on average, it takes 25 years, subtract them and you get 6,576 days or 18 years of carelessness.

They work for success for a long time, and maybe for a lifetime, so those who want to achieve something should accept this fact, and for this you need to overcome impatience, which ache like an ulcer, making it difficult to focus on achieving the goal. Fear can help. Calculate how much time you have left, and then reduce this number over the weeks. 23,000 days is not so much, and the evaporating residue will all the more force you to reconsider your life plans and the quality of their implementation.

Imagine that the time allotted to you in this world is a big lottery win that needs to be distributed towards the purchase of certain achievements. An impatient person believes that he can win in life with small investments, but instead he loses both small bets and winnings that disappear before his eyes. In contrast, a strategist who understands the scale of the game pays with winnings both for tomorrow and for the distant future, and, despite the fact that he spends all his capital at once, every big step in life returns his investments twice.

Impatience is one of the major personality flaws. People who are perpetually intolerant tend to be seen as insensitive, overbearing, and arrogant. This is a psychological malfunction, but fortunately there are certain ways in which an individual can learn to deal with chronic impatience.

Find the reason

The first problem through which you could get rid of obsessive impatience is to find the root cause that is haunting. Most people lose their patience when they are forced to work on several fronts at once, have a busy schedule, or long for the day to come to a quick end. In this case, the best way to avoid impatience is to make a list of things that must be completed throughout the day. Make sure you stick to your goals. Don't spray yourself on several things at once. This will not only calm your nerves, but also make the work, its execution and the result better and more enjoyable. If possible, share the load with other people.

Remember that things take time to get done.

Accept the fact that there are certain things that you can't just pick up and do in a few minutes; those who will not be rushed. Sometimes haste is harmful. If you are currently feeling impatient, take a deep breath and allow yourself to cool down. Good ideas usually come to those who know how to wait for them. Try to remind yourself of the happiest moments of your life. Remember how, being measured and calm, you achieved success. Impatience can lead to disaster, both in private and professional life. Distract yourself to what you enjoy.

Focus on important and positive things

Be grateful and generous instead of constantly thinking about unimportant issues and far-fetched problems. Always try to have a positive outlook on life. Life is not a race, but a journey. And you are a wanderer, not a horse chasing a rival at the hippodrome.

Get ready for surprises

Always be prepared for the fact that you will never know what life has in store for you. Be realistic about your expectations. Life has many twists and turns, some happy, some not.

Don't forget about breaks

Do not forget that your body needs rest - you should not drive yourself like a horse every day. Restoring your strength can help you maintain an attitude that requires patience. Sometimes it pays to waste time doing nothing. Sit alone and try to cool your tense nerves. Thinking about things outside of your head will help you reduce your stress levels, which are the main triggers for impatience.

We all have to wait for something from time to time: stand in line at the bank, save money for an expensive purchase, take a long time to reach a big goal. But even 10 minutes of waiting seems painful. Therefore, we often give up what we started and do what brings quick benefits. This behavior leads to negative consequences, because in order to succeed, you need to learn to wait and work hard, often without getting lightning-fast results. Patience is the quality of those who achieve ambitious goals.

Why do you need to be patient?

You've probably heard this advice a lot: just be patient when things don't go as originally planned. Success comes to those who know how to wait, while continuing to move forward.

Have you ever thought about the positive impact patience has on your life? Have you noticed how this ability helps to maintain and enthusiasm, get rid of stress and feel good? For example, patience can improve relationships with other people. How? We often appreciate those who do not lose their heads in a difficult situation, when everyone else loses their temper and loses face. This means that the one who knows how to wait calmly is perceived as a more reliable person.

This ability also helps to look at the situation from a different perspective. An impatient person will continue to be nervous and bend his line, and a patient person, without falling under the influence of negative emotions, will be able to see the big picture and make changes to his original plans.

Thus, patience is one of the main components. It also helps to think analytically, constructively and creatively. When we stop being nervous, the mind clears up and the solution to many problems is found almost immediately. It's like finding a way out of a building in a fire, when everyone is running in different directions, and you clearly follow the evacuation plan.

Patience helps you plan because you know you won't give up on a task halfway through. You may clearly understand that you will finish a project, learn a new language or skill. Therefore, you can make a plan for 5-10 years and not be afraid that motivation and willpower will suddenly disappear.

In general, patience makes a person healthier mentally. He does not depend on his fleeting desires and emotions, but controls the circumstances of his life.

How to develop patience

Recognize that there are things you cannot control.

Life brings unpleasant surprises all the time.

• Someone suddenly leaves.
• Someone is late.
• Someone is sick.
• Someone is taking the bathroom when you want to take it.
• Computers, phones break down, the Internet disappears.

Not everything can be controlled, sometimes bad things just happen. Therefore, a philosophical attitude to life is very important. You are less nervous, sleep better, and when trouble happens, you calmly accept the situation and think about what to do next.

Wait just a little

This is a good technique that can be used in almost any trouble. It consists in the fact that whenever you find out that you have to wait, think for 10-20 seconds about what to do next. This avoids automatic backlash.

We went to the bank, and there was a queue? Great, there is time to answer the accumulated letters in the mail. No letters? Read or listen to an audiobook, write down your shopping list in advance, register for Internet banking.

We are accustomed to instantly worry when we have to wait. Change your behavior pattern: start thinking before you let your emotions take over.

Create a plan "B"

Very often we are forced to wait only because it never occurred to us that such a situation could arise. And there is no one to blame here.

If you came to the hospital and didn't take a book to pass the time, it's your fault. However, anger is projected onto the outside world and people who urgently needed to get sick today.

You might think that such a technique does not contribute to the development of patience, because it does not challenge it. Look at the situation from the other side: the less often you show impatience, the faster the psyche gets rid of this habit.

Become aware of your addiction to anger, irritation and anger

Anger, irritation, and anger can easily become a habit if you encourage this behavior. Create a list of positive emotions. For example, joy, admiration, friendliness, awe, enthusiasm.

Try to evoke these emotions in yourself. If you can now, then this is not a problem at any point in your life. There is always a choice. Do you want to feel hurt and offended? For this, you usually don't need to do anything. But if you choose a good mood and make a little effort, you can enter a new state for yourself.

Notice the moment when you start to get irritated

We often ignore the fact that we are in pain and focus solely on the illusion that we are solving the problem.

To learn to notice when irritation begins, start by being aware of positive or neutral emotions. Throughout the day, write down how you feel. This will become a habit and only then, standing in line, you will be able to recognize your condition and prevent negativity.

Talk to yourself consciously

Precisely consciously, because the internal dialogue occurs almost constantly and usually on autopilot. There are thoughts about how many people are in the room, how many cars are on the road, how much valuable time is being wasted. Yes, that's just such conversations do not carry anything good. Therefore, you must change the dialogue within yourself.

Remind yourself that there is no point in being angry and annoyed.

Read

This is one of the best, most enjoyable and rewarding ways to become more patient.

No matter how long it takes you to finish a book, take your time. Go deeper into each word or phrase, try to understand what the author wanted to say. Remind yourself that there is no benefit in rushing.

plant plants

Start growing vegetables and flowers. Or, if not possible, plant indoor plants. By the way, this is a great way to get rid of stress. Everything that has to do with nature reduces irritability.

As you start growing plants, you will become more patient. This will help you understand that development or success takes time, but if you strive forward, sooner or later the result will come.

Learn to cook

Another unconventional way to become more patient. Surprisingly, it never occurs to us to worry about having to wait 60 minutes while the cake is being prepared. We are reconciled to this in advance. But we believe that we waited too long if they prepared coffee for us in the restaurant for 5 minutes.

Cooking requires a lot of patience and practice. This is a kind of meditation, so it is very calming and puts the nerves in order.

Get Curious

Any, absolutely any situation will become interesting and will not cause irritation if you are curious.

Why is curiosity so wonderful? You don't make judgments. You observe, notice something interesting, enjoy the moment. And thus there are no negative emotions.

If you don't get a call back after the interview, there's no point in sitting around and waiting. Give us a call or look for other options. It's just experience, the past.

Accept the discomfort

Why, in fact, should you always feel good and comfortable? Even from a purely egoistic point of view, this is harmful, makes a person capricious and unbearable.

Sometimes it's good to be uncomfortable. Consider this a challenge: to survive unpleasant moments and at the same time feel completely calm.

Forget about the results, enjoy the process

If you are learning a skill, but there are still no visible results, what should you do? Quit everything, get upset and disappointed in yourself? Or maybe learn to enjoy the learning process and work a little harder? It seems that the second is still more important and more useful.

Or let's say you save money. We read several articles and books on how to become rich and realized that you need to save 20% of your income. But as soon as you start, a heap of unpleasant emotions immediately appears, a feeling of sacrifice. What to do?

Enjoy the fact that you save money and save. In the end, this is a fascinating challenge to yourself. Try to save 50% of all income. What will change? How will you have to live? This can drastically change your thinking and make you realize that a person gets used to everything.

Great advice for those who are impatient in communicating with other people. When you feel your blood boil, look at the situation from someone else's point of view. Why is he behaving like this? What problems does he have in life? What worries him? How does his psyche work? You may not get exhaustive answers, but you will become a little sympathetic to him. So, save your nerves.

It's also a useful exercise when you're stuck in traffic. Think about the people who are driving next to you. What are they thinking? What do they care about?

What about when your friend asks for a loan? Before you start to boil, think about this. Maybe he hasn't learned how to manage money the way you do? Haven't read those books? Not able to restrain himself from impulsive purchases? You may not give him money, but at least you will save the relationship.

Think about the main goal

Yes, right now there is no way to move towards the goal, because the road is blocked by a whole truck of problems, which does not even think to budge. But if at this moment you think that you have a main goal, then calm down and start thinking about what to do next.

We often get nervous when we go into too much detail. Looking at the big picture, you can understand that there is a solution.

How to get rid of impatience

Even if you have learned to be mindful and notice your emotions and thoughts, it can be very difficult to get rid of impatience. We live in an age where everything is available at the click of a mouse. And it's not just the goods. If we want to know something, Wikipedia comes to the rescue. But the availability of information kills its value.

Using the remote control, you can instantly turn on the TV, and thanks to your smartphone, you can contact any person you know in a minute. We're not used to waiting, so every wasted second feels like hell.

What is curious, although we ourselves are far from ideal, we do not like impatient people. Recall a time when you dealt with such a person. It's hard to think of him as good, kind, decent and calm, right? Exactly the same we appear in the eyes of others.

What exactly is impatience? This is a passionate desire to bring the future closer. And if we have to wait, then we behave like children: stomp our feet, make noise and draw attention to ourselves. In this sense, patience is a sign of an adult, balanced person.

We offer you a step-by-step strategy for getting rid of impatience.

Step One: Recognize Your Impatience

First of all, you need to admit that you are impatient, identify situations, emotions.

Step Two: Stop the Thinking Process

When you recognize impatience, stop the process of thinking, calm the body and mind. Take a deep breath and tell yourself, "Relax, everything is fine." This moment has an additional benefit: it does not allow you to start the habit of being nervous.

Step three: identify triggers

Now that you are in a more calm and conscious state, let's remember what happened again. It is important to determine what exactly caused your tension, irritation, anxiety and impatience.

Defining triggers is the main task of this step. Ask yourself:

• Why am I impatient at this moment?
• What exactly makes me feel this way?
• Are there any specific people, events, or circumstances that made me feel impatient?
• What exactly happened?
• Why do I think so?

Step four: analyze the situation

You already have a clear idea of ​​​​what happened and what caused unpleasant feelings, now it's time to analyze the situation. This will help you emotionally move away from an unpleasant moment and turn on your brains.

Let's first look at the predicament you're in. Ask yourself the following questions:

• Is my impatience hindering or helping me now?
• Am I making an elephant out of a fly?
• Does it make sense to feel like this now?
• Perhaps I misunderstood this situation?
• What explanation do I find for her? Is it objective?
• How has this explanation affected how I feel about this situation or person?

After receiving the answers, we can change our perspective and start looking at the situation from a different, more positive angle. Ask yourself:

• How else can you look at this situation?
• How else could I interpret these events and circumstances?
• How else can I explain this man's intentions?
• What value can patience have in this situation?

The last series of questions will help you finally pull yourself together. It is one of the controls. Ask yourself:

• Do I have control over this situation?
• What can I control? What can I change and what can I influence?
• What can't I control and should I let go?

We often feel impatient when we desperately want to control a situation, our time, or the behavior of others.

You will never feel better if you are always worried about something you cannot control. Accept reality and move on.

Step Five: Decide what to do next

You have one of three options:

1. Decide to act.
2. Decide to wait until the problem is resolved.
3. Decide to observe the situation patiently but proactively in order to learn from experience.

It is not always necessary to act. If such people who can not sit still. They spoil the nerves of themselves and others and at the same time achieve nothing. Therefore, determine what decision you will make.

Don't think that you need patience to develop patience. To some extent, each of us has it. It's just a matter of working on the psyche and observing your reactions.

We wish you good luck!

Haste, impatience can harm health, relationships with others and completely poison life. Do you really need it?

Any of us can easily prove that she is a very sweet and kind person. We help colleagues, give way to older people on public transport, explain how to get somewhere when asked about it on the street. But if we are in a hurry, we can yell at a woman with large bags who hesitated getting off the bus, rush across the road at a red light, or start a row at the savings bank over a few extra minutes spent in line to pay the apartment.
Impatience is not just a harmless personality trait. It is bad for physical and mental health, as well as relationships with loved ones. It is because of it that our society is becoming more and more “uncivilized”, and we are becoming a danger to others and ourselves. Fortunately, even the most impatient person can learn to wait without getting on anyone's nerves.

unreal reality

Why do we allow ourselves to be wound up so that we are ready to risk our own and other people's lives in order to save a few minutes? Psychologists believe that the reason for this is unrealistic expectations. To put it simply, we become impatient when we are given a trip that requires at least 15 minutes, 10 in total, and when we are sure that the dentist should see us on time, even if he is constantly delayed with other patients.
Ironically, the wonders of time-saving technology (telephone, fax, e-mail) make us even more impatient. We are used to getting a lot instantly, at the touch of a button. Therefore, we have very high requirements for speed and productivity.

Price - nowhere more expensive

Impatience can easily harm your physical and mental health. Suppose you get stuck on the subway on your way to work because the train stopped in a tunnel. Every second your irritation grows, causing a certain reaction of the body: the content of stress hormones increases sharply, blood pressure rises, the heartbeat quickens, the brain produces endorphins (natural painkillers). It's okay if you occasionally get impatient. But if you're on edge all the time, you're taking a big risk.
Stress hormones can weaken the immune system; if the pressure is constantly elevated, the vessels suffer, and the frequent production of endorphins leads to their deficiency in the body.
In addition, relationships with friends and relatives are destroyed. Burning with impatience, we become irritable and picky, which repels people from us. By the way, an ever-hurrying, overwrought mother can easily make a child feel rejected.
Our spiritual life also suffers from impatience. When we run down the escalator or push through the crowd in the market, we think only about the future - how to make it to the next meeting, cross off one more item from the to-do list ... And we forget about the present, about the joy of being.

"Here and now"

To get rid of impatience, you need to focus on the current moment, feel it. This practice is used in almost all religions, and it is very important for the spiritual development of a person. Consciousness completely concentrates on the present, freeing itself from thoughts about the future and regrets about the past. At the same time, we learn to appreciate what we have, and not thoughtlessly strive for what we do not have.
According to psychologists, this (not the best) character trait is inherited or adopted from loved ones. But that doesn't mean you have to spend the rest of your life languishing with impatience. We offer expert advice to help you deal with it.

1. Set aside enough time to do the right things. We most often show impatience when we are late for something. In a normal situation, we do not notice at all how the bus is standing at traffic lights or in a traffic jam. But if we are in a hurry, then even a passenger who hesitates at the exit causes irritation.
2. Don't forget Murphy's Law. Especially when it comes to technology. If something bad can happen, it will happen. Therefore, when you plan to send your boss a report on the office network 5 minutes before the end of the working day, the server will definitely “crash”, and you will have to wait an hour for it to be launched, and then rush headlong to meet friends. We are used to technology that is always at hand and works properly, so if it fails, we, in turn, lose our temper.
3. Accept that not everything is up to you. If your friend is regularly late, talk to her. She may not even realize that she is making you constantly wait. It won’t work - make adjustments for her bad habit each time and come a little later than the appointed hour. And if she suddenly arrives on time, let her wait for you for a change.
4. Take a look at yourself. The next time you feel like running across a yellow light, think about what you're risking to save a few seconds. It is worth looking at the situation through someone else's eyes, and it will become clear to you how dangerous the eternal haste is.
5. Take a breath. If you start to get impatient, try taking 3 deep breaths to calm yourself down. This simple exercise can be done
anywhere, even while driving.
6. Talk to yourself. Want to yell at the passenger who jumped through the door of the bus in front of you? Instead, say something comforting to yourself, such as, "Don't be nervous, it won't get better" or "A little thing like this isn't worth getting upset at all."
7. Get a talisman. Put something small in your pocket - a pebble or a rosary - that will serve as a reminder that it is better to remain calm. And when you feel that patience is leaving you, it means that the moment has come to touch your talisman.
8. Create an emotional retreat. Take a moment, close your eyes and imagine that you are on a sun-drenched beach, in a cool forest or in the mountains. Breathe in the smells around you, listen to the sounds. You can always “hide” in this imaginary world when the situation around you starts to get out of control.
9. Keep a record of all the good things in your life. When you once again feel annoyed, remember that everything is not so bad with you: the children are healthy, there is a favorite job ... This technique will help you calm down and take a more objective look at what is happening.
10. Accept that sometimes waiting is inevitable. Like it or not, in our imperfect world there are enough queues to doctors, crowded buses, traffic jams and slow sellers. Take it for granted and don't worry.