“I was hungry for communication - I wanted to talk to someone. Over time, I began to realize that I needed to do something to resist loneliness. If I continued to be alone in silence, I would simply go crazy. " These words belong to a man who spent five years in solitary confinement and was deprived of one of the most important human needs - communication.

Indeed, it is very important to speak! Everyone is so arranged. It is an indispensable way of expressing feelings. For example, if you want your spouse to know how dear he is to you, you need to talk about your feelings. But for many, communication is not an easy task, a lot of work, which is often avoided.

What obstacles can arise on the way to art interesting conversation or communication? How to become an interesting conversationalist?

I talked to myself. An interesting conversationalist, however.
author unknown

Barriers to Conversation

1. Shyness

One of the hardest problems on the road to communication. Shy people close themselves off to others. Why? Perhaps they were brought up in which they did not really communicate with each other, but, on the contrary, were separated from others.

2. Self-doubt

Many people can fear looking stupid for years, or fear being hit by a shower of criticism. Therefore, they find it much easier to avoid talking to others.

3. An inferiority complex

This is the case when a person does not mind communicating, but considers himself an "incapable loser", so he prefers to suffer in silence.

There is another side of the coin: many people feel free to communicate, but when the other speaks, they tend to interrupt, thereby depriving their interlocutors of the joy of intimate communication.

How to overcome these difficulties and learn to talk with others in an interesting and warm way?

Listen, be interested, be attentive

If you are at a loss as to what to say, do not despair. In fact, you know a lot more than you think.

And if you often catch yourself thinking that no one wants to listen to you or is not interested in you, analyze how much you are able to listen. You don't have to constantly talk to keep the conversation going.

Both interlocutors should speak out. In this case, you need to be guided by the principle: "Take care not only of your own needs, but also of the needs of another."

For this:

• be interested in others, their state of mind... Before talking about yourself or asking for anything, learn to ask about the interlocutor's affairs, for example: "How are you feeling?" or “Can I help you with something?”;
• pay attention to the facial expressions of the interlocutor - it speaks about the feelings of the other more than his words.

A taciturn interlocutor can drive you to despair, a talkative one - to a crime.
Don Aminado

But what if you are talking to someone who is not good at talking?

Give the other person the opportunity to express their feelings anyway. To do this, ask tactful questions. Suppose you are talking to an elderly person.

Ask him how the world or family life has changed since his youth. Besides the fact that you will learn a lot yourself, you will do something pleasant for the interlocutor.

How to become an interesting person and develop charisma

In society, and especially among public figures, very often there are people who do not have a spectacular appearance or high status, and in general, at first glance you cannot say that such a person can be in demand in a team, have many friends and acquaintances. Nevertheless, from the very first minutes of acquaintance, it becomes clear that this person is an incredibly interesting person, attracting people to him with his charm. In such cases, it is customary to say that a person is very charismatic.

It is widely believed that charisma cannot be developed as a skill, and that this character trait is given to people by nature. There is a certain grain of truth in this, a predisposition to charismatic behavior allows a person to behave more confidently, at ease and naturally, but this does not mean at all that unfortunate people who are deprived of this gift are doomed to vegetation outside the social circle.

In order to take the first step on the path to becoming, you need to perform one simple action, which, despite its simplicity, is stubbornly ignored by many people. It is about developing a respectful attitude towards ourselves, you need to love yourself, accept all the shortcomings and weak sides and then try to focus on the benefits.

You should not look for selfish motives in self-love, because this is absolutely natural. Loving yourself does not mean exalting yourself over everyone around you, it is necessary to understand that a person who is not able to love himself has no chance of earning the love of another person.

Only by starting to respect oneself does a person become open to accepting love from the outside.

The next step follows directly from the previous one. Self-respect automatically increases self-esteem, and this is very important for successful interaction with others. It is impossible to become a charismatic person if numerous complexes, fears and other consequences of low self-esteem stand in the way. Next to the charismatic and a sociable person others also begin to feel more relaxed, relaxed, and at ease.

A closed person, by his behavior, makes others feel uncomfortable, and as a result, they try to stop communicating with such a tight person as soon as possible. There is no need to try to be someone else, because it is impossible to pretend all your life, and you cannot run away from yourself. It is much easier to be yourself, to stop being ashamed of your shortcomings, and this is a lot of work, which can only be done with a lot of effort.

As you know, any skill develops during training. It is impossible to learn how to cook well, play a musical instrument, understand technology, only on the basis of theoretical knowledge... The same goes for the ability to communicate and win over others. To develop this skill, you need to communicate a lot with by different people, preferably with strangers. Such training will help form the ability to quickly navigate in a conversation, and the appearance of new acquaintances, and maybe friends, will be a pleasant bonus.

It is much easier for smart and well-read interlocutors to maintain any conversation, therefore, it is more pleasant to communicate with such people. It is necessary to read a lot of literature on a variety of topics, people very subtly feel a well-read person and have respect for such a person.

Thus, we involuntarily transfer a dignified and just attitude towards ourselves to the people around us. If the attitude is positive, then the return on interaction will be positive. You must follow the golden rule and treat people as best you can in order to get the same in return, then there will be no problems.

Video: How to be an interesting conversationalist in any situation

10 tips for becoming an interesting person and conversation partner

Pay attention to people who belong to your social circle. Agree that some of your acquaintances attract more attention, listen to them more, sympathize with them, while others remain unnoticed, even if they try to be in the spotlight.

Obviously, few people will be pleased with the company of a boring, constant whining, lagging behind a person's life. After all, the interlocutor in the process of communication wants not only to speak out himself, but also to gather interesting information for himself, to recharge himself with energy from a partner.

In order to please people, you yourself have to be an interesting conversationalist. Following our advice, you will feel that your life is filled with colors, saturated with events, experience accumulates, and your circle of acquaintances expands.

1. Become a good conversationalist

• Learn to listen carefully;
• Ask questions of the interlocutor, so you will demonstrate that his story really interests you;
• Express your emotions about what you hear. For example: “I am outraged by his act ...”, “how did you manage to do it…”, “it’s so wonderful that you did it…”;
• Keep the conversation going interesting facts from life, books, articles;
• No ridicule, over the feelings of the interlocutor;
• Do not teach, do not insist, but advise and recommend.

There will be something to talk about with friends.

3. Have your own passions

When you are passionate about something, your eyes are burning, you are overwhelmed with emotions, you are full of energy that is transmitted to others.

4. Experiment and share your results and experiences

It will be helpful to others, you will be grateful.

5. Don't sit at home

Attend more different events (exhibitions, concerts, lectures, meetings, sports). There you will definitely see something interesting, meet acquaintances, and possibly meet someone. You will have many topics to discuss with your friends.

6. Register on social networks

Connect to your friends more people, even if you are not familiar with them, find groups of like-minded hobbyists.

Put it on your page interesting photos, join the discussion, express your opinion.

7. Connect with a variety of people

Don't be afraid to meet new people. Know if you are active you are interesting to other people. They want to listen to you, your opinion and experience are valuable and useful, do not hesitate.

8. Be confident

Remember that you are unique with your own characteristics, with your “cockroaches in your head”, and therefore are interesting to others. If all people on earth were the same, we would all die of boredom.

9. Go in for sports

Yes, this is not easy, especially if you have never even done exercises before. But it is not necessary to exhaust yourself with simulators if you do not like it and cannot afford it. You can start by walking or running quickly.

People who go in for sports are always more self-confident, more energetic.

10. Watch yourself

The first thing that catches your eye is the person's appearance. Watch your clothes, shoes, hair, makeup. Try not to be old-fashioned or dress tasteless.

If you don't like today's fashion, you need to study the rules for choosing a classic wardrobe and follow them.

Remember that by trying to become interesting to others, first of all, you will become interesting to yourself. As a result, your self-esteem will increase and people will stop visiting you. sad thoughts, due to the variety of interests and the workload of exciting things, you will not have time to cry, and there is no need. Life will be filled with colors and meaning.

Conclusion

Remember that no matter how difficult it is for you to communicate with others today, you can always fix it. Remember that the best stimuli for conversation are friendliness, tact and a good sense of humor.

Develop such qualities in yourself, and it will be much more interesting to communicate with you!

Do you want to be considered an interesting conversationalist and always leave a pleasant impression on those around you? Having conversational skills will help you in your relationships, career, friendships, and life in general. How to become a good conversationalist in any situation and place?

The modern world is a world of communication and communication. Through communication, relationships, friendship, career, money and other values ​​come to us. Do you know how to communicate with people or are you experiencing difficulties, are shy and do not know what to talk about?

How to start a conversation with strangers, make connections with others and have a conversation with people? How to be an interesting conversationalist in social networks: VKontakte, Facebook or Odnoklassniki? How to conduct a conversation on the phone or correspondence through instant messengers? Here are 111 tips from smart communication books to help you have conversations and conversations.

The ability to communicate with people will allow you to be seen as an interesting interlocutor and person. And this gives many advantages for life. Sociable people are more likely to achieve success in all areas, while the silent remain on the sidelines of life.

"If you want to be smart, learn to ask intelligently, listen carefully, answer calmly and stop talking when there is nothing more to say." Johann Caspar Lavater

1. When talking, think about whether the topic is interesting to the interlocutor. Talk only about what interests or worries the interlocutor.

2. Smile. Look friendly, positive, and open to help build contact faster.

3. Golden Rule morality says: "Treat other people the way you want to be treated you." But better act according to the platinum rule: "Treat other people the way they want to be treated."

4. Use the technique of active listening: listen carefully, nod, assent, agree, help with the necessary phrases and thoughts.

5. Call your interlocutor by name more often, because the sound of the name is very pleasant for any person. Therefore, always remember or write down the names of new acquaintances.

6. Take care of your appearance, image and image. Everyone is pleased to talk with a neat and stylish person who smells of delicious perfume.

7. Don't be a bore, a whiner, a complainer, or a boring person. Everyone runs from such as from fire.

8. Compliment, notice positive features and the strengths of the interlocutor. This will evoke sympathy in return.

9. In conversation, try to understand the character and mood of the interlocutor at the moment.

10. Try to show yourself from the best and presentable side so that you like it faster.

11. Find common interests with the interlocutor in order to find common ground: hobbies, hobbies or dreams.

12. Work on diction, clarity and beauty of speech.

13. Treat all people with respect. This makes a great impression.

14. Do not have a formal conversation about the weather or about something empty. The interlocutor immediately stops listening and withdraws. He gets bored.

15. Try not to be annoying when talking and not hang extra noodles on the ears of the interlocutor.

16. Express the essence in simple and accessible language so that others do not have the idea that you are being clever.

17. Let your interlocutor speak more than you.

18. Be optimistic, not pessimistic in conversation. This evokes positive emotions.

19. Communication should not be a monologue. Limit your story and sentences so that the other person can speak up too.

20. Feel free to ask questions of the interlocutor to strike up a conversation and establish contact.

21. Be prepared for questions of any level and try to answer them, despite the difficulties.

22. Do not argue aggressively and categorically. Even disagreements can be resolved peacefully and calmly. An argument is a careful search for compromises.

23. Use the answers of the interlocutor in order to continue the conversation on the topic of interest to him.

24. Avoid gossip and talk bad about other people. Otherwise, they will think that you spread gossip behind your backs.

25. Never interrupt the interlocutor and do not insert your "5 kopecks" to tell your case or story.

26. Focus on the interlocutor when you have a conversation with him, and do not be distracted by other things.

27. Make the unfamiliar to the interlocutor understandable, using familiar objects, phenomena and comparisons.

28. Do not make fun of people, their thoughts and desires. This is very disrespectful. Laugh with them when they are having fun themselves.

30. An important skill of the interlocutor is not only to say what is needed, but also to keep silent about what is not needed.

31. Be tactful with your interlocutor and respect his feelings.

32. Observe the non-verbal signals of the interlocutor. Is the person looking at their watch, pulling out their phone, or trying to sneak away? Time to end the conversation.

33. Avoid technical terms when speaking to people outside your profession.

34. Lead an active life in order to be an interesting conversationalist who has a lot to tell. Try to be a man of the world, global and large-scale, with a cosmopolitan outlook. Such people are attracted.

35. Do not open up too much, especially in front of an unfamiliar person.

36. Try to keep abreast of the latest events in the world to keep the conversation going.

37. It is not necessary, in a dispute or confrontation, to be right.

38. Shyness, insecurity and an inferiority complex interfere with the conversation.

39. Be attentive to what the interlocutor says and remember. It is stupid to ask again later.

40. Expand your horizons to be savvy for conversations on any topic.

41. Do not ask too many questions, as if it were an interrogation or an interview.

42. Do not try to touch on too many topics of conversation, jumping from one to another.

43. Repeat the body language of the other person to demonstrate your similarity.

44. Keep in stock a dozen interesting stories that are appropriate for a particular situation.

45. The best way winning an argument is avoiding it.

46. ​​Do not try to remake people and accept them as they are.

47. Read a couple of books on oratory and communication with people. Be sure to read Dale Carnegie's book How to Win Friends and Influence People.

48. Start a conversation about new products in the world, achievements and interesting events, but do not indulge in the retelling of outright gossip.

49. Try to look at things from the point of view of the interlocutor.

50. Answer the questions in a simple way. Otherwise, you will get the impression that you are not interested in the conversation, but you want to end it faster.

51. Don't tell anything "in secret" about other people. Such people do not inspire trust and respect.

53. Willingly and decisively admit that you are wrong, if this happens.

54. Watch your manners to make a good impression.

55. Give the impression that a person's mistake is easy to fix and things will work out.

56. Do not use tight postures that indicate stiffness and lack of comfortable conversation.

57. Sometimes you can be silent together. Don't try to fill any gap with words.

58. Sincerely convince the interlocutor of his own importance.

59. Present your ideas and thoughts brightly, not boring and dull.

60. Do not compare the interlocutor with anyone else. Each person considers himself unique and unrepeatable.

61. Try not to touch on the topic of politics, religion, health and personal life.

62. A sense of humor is the key to the success of a good conversation.

63. Recognize pauses in a conversation when the interlocutor is waiting for your comment and opinion.

64. In conversation, try not to brag, it looks funny.

66. Unexpectedly, do not deviate from the topic of the conversation, showing disrespect to the interlocutor.

67. Help the person to speak out, being interested in his opinion and desires.

68. Increase the self-esteem of the interlocutor during the conversation.

69. Expand your vocabulary and memorize the quotes of the great.

70. Do not avoid communicating with people and keep the conversation going. This will allow you to be more sociable and sociable.

71. Control your emotions and facial expressions while talking.

72. Tell about yourself and about the events in which you took part. This is usually interesting.

73. Don't answer a question with a question. It annoys people.

74. Try to avoid gross flattery. Focus more on the real merits and strengths of the interlocutor.

75. Do not go out of your way to please the interlocutor. This is repulsive.

76. Speak well of other people. The interlocutor will try to match your best idea and opinion.

77. Try to express your opinion only on those topics in which you understand something.

78. Use the word “I” less in conversation, which demonstrates overt selfishness.

79. Each person has a unique experience. Let the person teach you something. He'll love it.

80. Practice talking with people more. Visit new places, start conversations with strangers.

81. Sometimes touch people. This allows you to quickly establish friendly and warm relationships. But it should be relevant.

82. Do not show that you are in a hurry or want to quickly end the conversation. This will create the impression of a bad conversationalist and an unpleasant person.

83. First talk about your mistakes, and then criticize carefully.

84. Do not draw conclusions for the interlocutor, do not finish his anecdote and do not guess the continuation of the story.

85. Do not repeat the same phrases - this is disrespect for the interlocutor. But vary the sentences by repeating and reinforcing the thought.

86. Eat to establish emotional and spiritual reciprocity in conversation.

87. Don't be afraid to be proactive in conversation to help shy person open up.

88. Show respect for someone else's point of view, and do not try to smash it to smithereens.

89. Use self-irony in a conversation, but do not overdo it.

90. Share your thoughts, ideas and interesting notes with the people around you.

91. Do not try to fish out personal information and what the person does not want to talk about.

92. If a person criticizes himself and scolds, then come to his aid. Refute his statements and support.

93. Excessive display of emotions can embarrass the interlocutor. In conversation, restrain yourself and your emotions.

95. Learn to enjoy communication. This positive mood will create the image of a good conversationalist and a pleasant person.

96. Express yourself more clearly and distinctly so that it is clear what you are talking about.

97. Do not use hesitation in the speech of the interlocutor, it can knock him out of thought.

98. Ask for advice from a person in the field in which he understands. It might flatter him.

99. Tell your interlocutor about yourself to show your openness.

100. Do not dominate during the conversation, but let the interlocutor lead the line of the conversation himself.

101. Hide your flaws and negative sides... There are no perfect people. Demonstrate yourself from the advantageous side.

102. Do not lecture other people or criticize openly.

103. Avoid familiarity, familiarity and vulgarity when speaking.

104. Take a cue from talented public speakers, lecture speakers and TV show hosts.

105. Show sincere empathy for the interlocutor, empathizing with his mood and emotions.

106. Praise people for the slightest achievement and approve of successful steps.

107. Maintain eye contact with the interlocutor, and do not look around with your eyes.

108. Try to be a real individual, and not a fake and a fake, of which there are so many.

109. Show charisma, smile, laugh, show gestures and emotions.

110. People feel how we treat them and what we feel. Be warm and friendly to your interlocutor. Try to show frank sympathy.

How do you learn to be an interesting conversationalist? Save all 111 communication tips and be sure to use them. Be the kind of person with whom a conversation is like the fun of reading a good book. Then everyone will love you. Do you know how to have entertaining and interesting conversations?

There are plenty of general tips on this topic. So general that each point needs instructions. For example:

• find with her common topics for conversation;
• listen to her, ask questions;
• be confident in yourself;
• be original;

But it comes down to specifics: you have a date with a girl. And it is not clear how to prepare for this date? Maybe something to read, see, remember? Where to start communication? But what if suddenly there is an awkward pause in the conversation?

We men love it so much when there is a plan of action. We plan a working day, keep a calendar of meetings, write out abstracts if there is an important presentation or negotiations. But dating is somehow different. We just buy a bouquet of flowers, take the lady to an expensive restaurant and ... the result is zero. And it would be worth spending half an hour to think about what to talk about in this restaurant. The effect of such preparation is much greater.

What to talk to her about? First, I'll tell you how you have to communicate. Necessary:

a) Tell interesting stories…

b) ... periodically asking her questions ...

c) ... in order to engage her in a dialogue ...

d)… and then just manage your conversation.

This is the formula for success. This way you easily fill in painful pauses with interesting stories, switch your attention to it by asking questions, and transfer the conversation to the topics you need.

So, the first skill for successful communication is the ability to tell stories. Your preparation for a date will start with preparation. themes for these stories. Let's do a little exercise. Take paper and pencil. Write:

• 3 books that have impressed you the most recently and why;
• 3 movies that you liked the most for Last year and why;
• 3 places in the world that you remember the most and why;
• 3 interesting cases from your life in the last month (you can have situations that you observed).

Write in that order. If you don't have your favorite books, films, places and nothing interesting happens to you ... Uh ... buddy, I'm sorry, it's no wonder you don't have a girlfriend. Why does she need such a bore? What is she to do with you?

Ok, we warmed up, at the exit we got a list of topics for stories. Now you need to prepare the story itself. To do this, go back to grade 7 and remember how to write an essay. Before writing it, it is worth making a plan, highlighting introduction,the main part, climax and denouement.

A good story contains all four of these parts. Plus is full of details and emotions. Now take any topic from your list and make 4 signs:

Introduction

Main part

Climax

Interchange

Now fill in all four of these tables thesis, so that there is an outline for the story. Boring? Lazy? I know. That is why the men get off with a bouquet of flowers and an expensive restaurant. So that dinner and a "broom" brighten up the girl's unbearably boring evening.

After you've written the story in this format, try to tell it. Then the second, the third ... you will be surprised, but if you do it regularly, then very soon you will always have 5-10 great stories in stock that are relevant to any company. And on a date too.

Stories are stories, but you need to take into account a couple of important points that will help not only make the conversation interesting, but also remove the tension in communication (which is no less important than the communication itself).

That's why…

Let her reveal herself to you!

Many people are afraid to openly talk about what happened to them. Some are ashamed, while others are simply afraid that their story will not be as interesting as they would like.

Therefore, when you have a first date, the girl may be ashamed of you as much as you are of her. Moreover, education will not allow her to entertain you more than you do her. So you have to take the rap for two, trying to somehow get her to talk. :)

But you can remove this tension from her by allowing her to open up in front of you and begin to communicate more actively (she will be grateful to you later for this).

A good way to liberate a girl is to start talking about something first.... If you share with her a story from your life, then it will be easier for her to answer you in kind (here the principle of “repaying good for good” will work).

Finally, when she starts talking about something, it is advisable to ask clarifying questions that will help her tell you more details.

And sometimes you can even just emotionally ask: "Yes, okay?", "Seriously?", Showing a strong interest in her story.

Continue to use the tit-for-tat principle as you share your stories with her. So she will have more desire tell something in return.

Take her to another reality

Sometimes you can dream! Why not?

You just need to dream correctly, involving the girl in an alternative reality.

How to do it?

It is enough just to ask her any question from the topic around which you will build your joint alternative reality. For example: " Are you jealous? Imagine that some girls would call me all the time. Would it make you angry?».

And after her answer, continue: “ Imagine, we are at home in the evening, and someone is constantly writing to me. I'm saying you don't have to worry, they're just fans, but you're still nervous. Then you go to the kitchen and start breaking the dishes. Then we put up and make love on the remains of these dishes. Then we beat the dishes together and put up again right on this dish ...».

You can use a less explicit alternate reality: “ Would you like to live on a desert island?". And after her answer: “ Imagine how you and I were running along the beach, getting food, drinking rum. I would climb palm trees to get coconuts and hunt birds. And you would roast these birds at the stake ...».

When you dream with her in this way, then it binds you more than if you had 10 mediocre dates.

A couple of tips for good communication

When you communicate with her and tell any stories, then do not look at her with fear and uncertainty. Your gaze should radiate confidence that your story is the best in the world.

If you are afraid that she will not appreciate what you are telling, then this will be seen in your reaction.- you will look at her with fear, as if afraid that she will not start keeping up the conversation. Try to hide these manifestations of your behavior.

It is equally important that you sit to the side of her, not opposite. Firstly, when you are sitting opposite, there is a strong barrier between you in the form of a table. Secondly, communication with a girl implies at least some kind of touch that can be done only while sitting on the side of her.

Try to speak confidently. Especially when you take her to an alternate reality. You’ll say it anyway - so why not do it confidently right away? You start to mumble or her voice trembles - she will immediately feel that all your words are unnatural for you.

All these rules are simple and, at the same time, very effective. Especially try to pay attention to the first point of this article. Having done this at least 5 times, you will learn to communicate emotionally automatically, without even thinking about what exactly you are saying.

- How not to be boring for the interlocutor: 5 simple rules
- How to get someone interested: 5 steps
- How to Become a Decent Interlocutor: The Art of Conversation
- How to lure with conversation: 10 golden tips
- Conclusion

How often do we dream of being liked by everyone? And how much needs to be done for this! You need to be funny, interesting, charismatic, a good listener. The list goes on and on. But here's something worth noticing. Absolutely every person cannot be liked. This is simply not possible.

But if it is impossible to please everyone and everyone, then it is still possible to be a person with whom it is simply interesting to communicate. This is also not easy and requires many qualities, but at least it is real. And for this you need to follow a few rules.

1) Don't be boring.
People love to talk about themselves to loved ones, which is why there is always a shortage of good listeners. Let the other person tell you about themselves. Ask him counter questions. Strangely, the people we like the most always say little.

2) Discuss the interests of the interlocutor.
If you are well versed in the interlocutor's hobbies, then you can easily keep the conversation going. If not, then ask him more details. He will tell you with great pleasure.

3) The rule of 3 stories.
Dramas and reality shows have become popular for a reason. Therefore, always have 3 interesting stories to tell about. These stories should be engaging, emotional, and engaging.

4) Charisma.
A 1967 study by two psychologists found that in conversation, only 7% of the focus is on words. The rest of the attention is paid to speech tone and body language.
Laugh. Smile. Be emotional. Don't forget about gestures and don't just rely on words.

5) Live an interesting life.
The most correct way to get interesting is to live interesting life... And believe me, this will give you much more than a simple opportunity to be an interesting conversationalist.

- How to get someone interested: 5 steps

Not all people can find common interests and common topics for communication, and you just do not always understand the topic about which the interlocutor is talking. Therefore, if you suddenly have such a problem, below are several practical advice in order not to be a boring person and to interest the interlocutor in the conversation.

1) Your interlocutor's sphere of interest consists of several categories: “people”, “place”, “time”, “values”, “process”, “things”.

Usually, people have a few things they love to talk about, and the rest are of little interest to them.

To do this, listen attentively to what the interlocutor says, if you have not yet started the conversation, or as an option, subtly ask his interests, try to prove your similarity to him and find common points of contact.

3) In a conversation, try to determine the character of your interlocutor (just do not give in to first impressions) and his mood at the moment.

This will help you avoid conflict and present yourself in an unfavorable light.

4) It is better to present your shortcomings as a continuation of your merits, unobtrusively emphasizing them, maybe even with humor.

This will help you not to scare the person away and form a positive image of you as a person who does not hide his flaws, but does not flaunt them.

5) For a better understanding in practice, it is also worth getting to know each type of people separately, in order to determine the type of interlocutor in time and adapt to him.

- How to Become a Decent Interlocutor: The Art of Conversation

If you want to interest someone in yourself - talk about what is interesting to him (speak the same language with him). The theory is simple, and everyone knows - but how to put it into practice?

As mentioned earlier, the sphere of interest of your interlocutor is divided into six categories: “people”, “place”, “time”, “values”, “process”, “things”.

Usually 2-3 topics out of these 6 are favorites of a person - he will discuss them with great pleasure. The rest are not interesting to him, and they make him deadly bored.

To better understand how this is used in life, let's take a closer look at each type individually.

"People".
Favorite question: "Who?" People are important to him: with whom he communicates, who is around him.

"A place".
Favorite question: "Where?" It is important for this person to clearly navigate in space. He usually has a favorite chair or a favorite place at the table, to which he tries not to let anyone in.

"Time".
Favorite question: "When?" For such a person, everything related to time will be extremely important.

"Values".
Favorite question: "Why?" It is important for this person that what he does is valuable and useful. He seeks meaning in everything. Speaks about his values ​​and beliefs.

"Process".
Favorite question: "How?" It is very important for him how he will do something, the sequence of actions that must be performed. Often uses verbs in speech.

"Things".
Favorite question: "What?" Such a person pays a lot of attention to things and objects. He often uses nouns in speech.

Now the question "What to talk to him about?" the solution is quite simple: after listening to a person, you define his favorite topics, after which you talk to him, trying to fall into the sphere of his interests. If these are “people,” then talk about people. If this is a "place", then ask where he was, tell me where you yourself are going to go ...

To make sure that this adjustment is important enough, try to specifically “tune out” the interests of the person a couple of times. He told you, for example, “about the people he met,” and you asked him a question from another area: “where did you meet them?”, “When was that?”. The person's reaction will immediately tell you that it is better not to do this (unless you need to quickly interrupt the conversation).

1) Tell interesting stories.
More than anything, people love to listen to real, interesting stories. And when you tell them, you give your energy to others and do not demand anything from them in return. Learn to simply tell what happened to you interesting, or what struck you.

2) joke.
When you joke, then you yourself give the interlocutor a positive mood. Then it will be very easy and pleasant to communicate with you. A good joke and a nice story - this is the magnet that will attract others to you.

3) Compliment.
It is very important for each person what the surrounding thinks about him. This thirst for approval is present within each of us. We want to be considered smart, beautiful and successful.

If it is so important for the person you are interacting with that you think well of him, then compliment him. Find what stands out in him and tell him about it. A compliment is the nicest word for each of us, remember this. Even if he does not react to him in any way, then inside - he will remember you and your warmer word about him for a long time.

4) Listen.
When someone tells you a story, listen to it. A person feels when you listen to him, and when you just pretend that you are interested. When the person has finished his story, ask him something else, for example: “What happened next?”, “Why did it happen?”. This will show that you were interested, and you would love to continue listening to it further.

5) Look in the eyes.
First, through the look is transmitted internal energy, and secondly, it shows that you are interested in listening to a person or telling him something.

6) Don't interrupt.
Very often there is such a situation that a person starts talking about something, and then you remember your story and start telling it. In no case should you do this, it means that you do not respect your interlocutor. If you remembered any story, that is very good, but tell it better when your friend stops talking.

7) Don't ask a lot of questions.
You can ask questions only when there is nothing more to say, or at the end, after the person has finished his story, in order to clarify something from him. In all other cases, the questions do not work well. When you ask a question, it is as if you are pulling his energy from a person. He needs to strain his brains and think in order to answer you.

8) Don't criticize.
If you criticize your interlocutor in the presence of other people, then it is not that he will not want to talk to you, he will simply say to himself: "How I hate you."

9) Don't boast.
Sometimes it is very pleasant to communicate with a person, he tells interesting stories, but all these stories boil down to the fact that he wants to praise himself: “I bought a car”, “I bought a house”, “Look how smart I am”. Only me, me, me! If you bought yourself a new car, then sooner or later everyone will know about it, but it is very bad to brag directly.

10) Train your voice.
When speaking, your words mean little, the voice itself, the look, facial expressions and gestures are very important. You need to train your voice and there are so many different exercises on the Internet that will help you improve your speech.

11) Communicate.
This is a very important point. When you connect with new people, you will get practice. Believe me, you will never learn to communicate well near the computer, even if you read 100 books. Yes, you will gain knowledge, but this knowledge does not mean anything if it is not applied in practice. Therefore, today try to use at least some of the rules from this article in practice, this is very important.

- Conclusion

Everyone likes to communicate with an interesting interlocutor. It's easy and fun with him. And his stories will never get bored. People unconsciously gather around such a person. After all, he is not only a good storyteller, but also an excellent listener. And many people like to talk about themselves much more than to listen to themselves. But finding a listener who will calmly listen to you and will not interrupt is a rather difficult task.

Most importantly, always remember that in order for a person to like talking to you, being an interesting storyteller is not enough. It is important to be able to listen to what is being said to you and to express a genuine interest in the conversation without interrupting your opponent. Only then can you confidently call yourself an interesting conversationalist.

The material was prepared by Dilyara specially for the site

Most of all we want love and recognition. For their sake, we are ready for anything, and we suffer when we are repulsed. We feel that we are accepted and loved, when they show interest in us, they consider us an interesting person.

How do you become a sociable and interesting person? How to become an interesting person for those around you?

It seems that the simplest solution is to live such an interesting life that the story of it itself will be of interest, or to get an interesting profession, for example, related to art or adventure. But it only seems to be. There are terribly boring fashion photographers, and there are bus drivers and dentists you can listen to for hours.

What is the secret of how to become an interesting conversationalist. Have a lot of exciting adventures? Talk about interesting things? It is important what you talk about, how do you talk?

Do you need to talk more, or listen more to become interesting to those around you? If you want to be sociable and interesting person, do you need to change yourself, or is it enough to know some tricks?

In this article I will talk about how to become an interesting conversationalist at any age.

How to become an interesting conversationalist and sociable person?

Is it possible to become a bright and interesting person if it seems that you were born with a boring gray mouse? - Can!
The point is not what kind of life you have lived, but what you have learned, whether you can look under the surface of things and events and find the meaning hidden from others.

For this it is necessary to solve two problems: firstly, interest in oneself must be aroused, and secondly, it must be warmed up and kept. Both of these tasks are absolutely doable and consist of clear, simple steps. You will need patience and constancy, so the first condition for becoming an interesting and sociable person is to sincerely want it.

This is important because you have to work hard. Plus, being an interesting conversationalist means deliberately drawing attention to yourself. Will you be comfortable in the spotlight?

If the answer is yes, let's go!

How to generate interest in yourself?

To generate interest, you must first get noticed. You can stand out in appearance, clothing, natural or artificial beauty, but we will talk about how you can stand out with your speech so that you will be noticed.

To take a simple example from real life, think about what is being noticed most on TV. Clips, news, talk shows? No! Advertising.

Yes, you don't want to see her and change channels, but that's because she grabs too much attention. Otherwise it would not have been done.

What are some of the techniques that make ads so tenacious? Can you use these techniques to attract the attention of others? Yes you can!

Loudness, speed, brightness, rhythm - that’s what catches you.

TV channels and radio stations deliberately increase the sound level in advertisements, even if soft music is playing in it: the video should stand out against the background of the program. It works at the biological level: everything big, loud, fast and bright is perceived as important and paid attention to.

If you want to be noticed, do the same: react faster, speak louder, move more, look and sound brighter. This will generate interest, which you can then hold and develop.

Speak louder to get noticed.

We have learned from our prehistoric ancestors: whoever speaks louder is in charge, he has something to say. This is how animals think, this is how people react.

Just don't shout down or interrupt anyone, but don't let others interrupt you either. Both are signs of uncertainty.

And work on your voice so that it is pleasant to listen to you. An unpleasant strange sound of the voice occurs as a result of muscle spasms in the speech apparatus, due to the psychological discomfort of being paid attention to. Therefore, treat communication as a game, tune in to a state of calm and lightness. Most people, when they are calm, have a pleasant and natural voice.

A person who has understood his values ​​is already ten times more interesting than someone who is in the dark about the motives and goals of his actions.

How understanding your own and others' values ​​helps in life. History.

Olga moved from Ukraine to Switzerland to work as a finance director at an international corporation.

At first, she was uncomfortable because of the topics on which her new compatriots were talking. After every weekend or vacation, they gave each other a detailed account of where they were, what hotel they stayed in, how much the room cost; what restaurant they dined in and how much the food cost; what they bought, and again how much they spent on purchases.

These conversations seemed to Olga empty and unnecessary, but she was worried that she could not fit into the new society. Anxiety grew until she entered the Speech Transformation program.

We figured out what values ​​such communication is based on, why it is important for her new environment, and Olga, as an adult, was able to decide what to do: try to become an interesting interlocutor, adopting new values, or preserve the integrity of her personality and stay in aside from alien conversations.

Olga chose the latter, now calmly realizing the reasons and essence of what is happening.

Having understood your values ​​and those on which communication in your team is based, you can make an informed choice: to continue trying to become an interesting interlocutor in an existing company or to search new circle communication.