INTRODUCTION

If you want to protect your property, install armored doors and alarm your apartment. If you want to protect your car, contact your insurers. If you want to protect yourself, buy a gas pistol or learn self-defense techniques. If you want to protect your hair from dandruff, and your teeth from caries, buy shampoo and paste from advertisements.

How to protect your interests? After all, if you think about it, it is our interests that are most often endangered. It is them that your bosses, your acquaintances, your friends and even your family are most often trying to infringe on. The most curious thing is that, unlike your apartment, car and hair, only you can defend your interests. Unfortunately, this is not as easy as it might seem at first glance. Shyness, upbringing, shyness, as well as all sorts of fears, prevent someone from insisting on their own. What if the neighbors consider me selfish if I ask them not to turn on the music so loudly after ten in the evening? What if the market will consider me greedy if I start to bargain and bring down the price? What if the boss thinks that I am an ungrateful and arrogant employee if I ask to raise my salary? What if my sister will be offended if I refuse to weed potatoes at her dacha?

All these countless "what if" lead to endless walking in a vicious circle. We are afraid to disappoint loved ones and, in order to avoid this, we dance to someone else's tune, often contrary to our own interests and benefits. The question is, why? Amazing! Indeed, many of us are ready to stand up for our loved ones, children or friends, up to hoarseness and loss of voice, challenging other people's rights. But as soon as it comes to personal benefits, most of us for some reason dutifully become silent and give up, afraid to insist on our own.

So, for example, my friend Anna was known in our editorial office as a real quiet one. She repeatedly rescued her authors, who were late in submitting articles, dutifully endured rude reprimands from her superiors and worked for a meager salary, despite the fact that the lights were on late in her office windows even after all the other employees had left. We all considered Anna to be a gray mouse and a spineless mumble. Until one day they saw her in a new light. Once, having lingered after lunch break, my colleagues and I were slowly returning to the office, when suddenly we froze on the threshold of our office. Anya, our quiet shy Anya, spoke on the phone, and we barely recognized her voice:

- So, so, my husband wrote you a general power of attorney for the car two months ago. You promised to give the full amount and re-register the car for yourself. Why hasn't this happened yet ?!

For a minute she listened to the excuses of her interlocutor, after which she sighed wearily and added:

“Well, I don't really care about your circumstances. If on Monday my husband does not receive the rest of the money, I will put you on the counter and every day your debt will increase by one hundred percent. Oh yes, and we, of course, will also take the car, because according to the documents it is still ours! But don't give it up, then we will decide through the court. This is my last word! - And Anya hung up, and we continued to stand with open mouths, not believing that she could say that. Anya? Our Anya, who could never put even insolent authors in their place!

- Hey, yes, you seem to be having some kind of gang squabbling, - I joked, entering the office and sitting down at my desk.

Anya was embarrassed and blushed:

- No ... it is. The husband sold the car. The buyer has so far paid only half of the promised amount and travels under a general power of attorney, but does not want to repay the debt. So I had to rush him a little.

- Wow! I gasped. “Looks like you scared him a lot. You'd better "rush" your authors so. Otherwise, they completely got out of your hands. Articles are handed over when they want, edits are made carelessly, and you have to disentangle yourself. Why don't you protect your interests as much as the interests of your family?

- Well ... - Anya shrugged her shoulders in confusion, - I don't even know. It's awkward somehow ... Here, after all, my husband's problems ... they need to be solved at any cost ... but my difficulties are still not so much ... - Anya hesitated: looking for the right word, then she added guiltily: - I don’t want to think badly of me ...

So, if you don't want to be thought badly either, this book is for you! Our 49 rules will teach you how to protect your interests at work, at home, in the beauty salon and at the dentist. We will show you how to stop being afraid to stand your ground. We will explain how to achieve the desired result without going into conflict.

Believe me, from the fact that you can stand up for yourself, the attitude of people towards you will change only in better side... You will be respected more! And if you are ready to become a person whose words are heeded and whose opinion is cherished, a person who always achieves what he wants and is not afraid to defend his interests, it’s time to start this exciting journey from the land of fears and disbelief in one’s own strengths to the land of unlimited possibilities, where from every verbal duel you come out victorious.

CORPORATE GAMES, OR HOW TO DEFEND YOUR INTERESTS AT WORK

Rule # 1
First impression
So, you are about to apply for a new job. You sent out your resume to all the big companies, and now you finally get a call back and invite you for an interview. Fine! It's time to take courage and defend your interests!

"How? - you ask. - After all, I just re-bluffed the threshold of this office. Not the fact that they will take me. You have to like it first, and only then start downloading the rights! " On the one hand, this is, of course, true. But, on the other hand, why are you so sure that the employer will like you if you just nod obsequiously, assent, and to the question: "What salary would you like to receive?" - mumble something like: "I don't need much ..."

Stop! It won't work that way. Today, truly serious companies are interested in finding employees who know what they need and who are able to defend their rights. If you are asked why you left your previous job, do not hesitate to tell the truth: "I was not satisfied with the salary level / lack of career prospects / working seven days a week." Do not be shy. After all, your sincerity will help the employer to better understand what you are striving for and how you represent further cooperation. If you are interested as a potential employee, they will definitely not try to offer you a low-paid position.

Another subtle point is the salary talk. As soon as the employer asks the insidious question: "How much would you like to receive?" or “What salary are you counting on?”, how most people for some reason go stupid before our eyes, go numb and completely forget how much money they need for a comfortable, quiet life.

So, for example, my friend Lika once got into a mess at an interview in a very prestigious (and very rich company). She so passionately wanted to get a job in this particular company that to the question: "Will a salary of five hundred dollars suit you?" - without hesitation blurted out "yes". And only then I remembered that even the rent of her apartment costs six hundred dollars. Do not hurry. If you are offered a job under certain conditions, feel free to take time out and think it over. In cases where you are not satisfied with the estimated salary, do not be afraid to honestly admit it. Do not think that you will be considered greedy or arrogant. Not at all. This is how much you value yourself and your work. So even if you are uncomfortable, go overboard and ask for the salary you want to receive. After all, if you get turned down, the awkwardness will last no more than five minutes, and if the employer agrees to your terms, you will receive good money for a very long time. So it's worth the risk.

Rule # 2
We fill our own worth
When you first join a new company, it is not difficult to impersonate a first-class employee with the corresponding ambitions and demands. But what if you have been working in your company for a long time, and your bosses are not thinking of promoting you?

Do I need to talk to my boss about the salary? The answer is simple: yes, yes, and yes again! A lot of employees make the same mistake: they keep silent, until the very last moment they believe that sooner or later the boss "will notice what a good employee I am and will raise me himself." It's just silly to hope so. Your boss is probably a busy person, and he does not have to walk around the office and "notice" something.

If you are overwhelmed by thoughts like: “Why did he promote this fool Katka, and not me? I work a hundred times more! " or “Doesn't he see that it’s very difficult for my salary to survive and feed my family?”, you know, your boss is not aware of what it’s like to “survive on your salary,” and has no idea that you are working more than Katka. Why? Because you didn't tell him about it! And Katka, apparently, had time to hurry up and now enjoys a raise, a raise in salary and a new office. So why don't you do the same?

The easiest way to start talking about a raise is to use the situation when the boss is happy with you. If you showed yourself well in some project or your boss praised you publicly, it's time to seize the moment! Make an appointment with him. Thank him for his attention to your work. Say you appreciate his praise. You might say something like, “I really value working for this company, my career means a lot to me, and I'm ready to work even harder. But I would like to know if I can count on a raise and a raise in salary? If so, how soon? "

However, sometimes conflict situations also lead to an increase. For example, my uncle worked in a low-paid, but beloved job. He worked there only because he adored his profession and enjoyed every working day, the respect of the team and superiors. But one day he made a minor mistake. The boss called him “on the carpet” and lectured him for a long time. By the end of the monologue, my uncle's patience snapped: "So, since I am such a bad employee, great, fire me and look for another fool who will work hard for such a penny." The boss fussed and immediately said that he had not even thought about dismissal, just continue to be more careful and ... “But now I am thinking about dismissal,” said my uncle, “I am not going to work where I am not appreciated. Either you double my salary, or I leave. " Of course, he was promoted. Because it is unprofitable for anyone to lose truly valuable personnel!

Rule No. 3
Worker at the machine
How long is your working day? Eight hours? Day? From dusk to dawn? Is it normal that you spin like a squirrel in a wheel day and night long? Have you not earned the right to rest and privacy?

If you are not a civil servant, then you have probably faced a similar problem more than once. The official working day, it seems, should last from ten in the morning to seven in the evening, but at nineteen zero-zero you cannot leave the workplace and rush to the elevator at full speed, because literally half an hour before the end of the work shift, the boss asked you to urgently complete the documents / contact a dozen clients / prepare a report, etc. So you have to stay at work late, remembering your student years and the student saying "It's a long night."

Yes, let during university studies you could easily walk all day long, ignoring especially boring couples, and wrote your diploma in one night. You are at work now. And you probably work for days too. So late evening and night is not a time for Stakhanov's jerks and labor exploits, but for a healthy sleep.

It is in your best interest to maintain a normal schedule! After all, everyone has the right to rest, privacy and health. Constantly working overtime will hardly help you become a more valuable employee or increase your monthly income.

But why? Will help! True, by that time you will have already managed to significantly undermine your physical and mental health, in this case the money earned will not be spent on buying a car, new clothes, a refrigerator and other benefits of life, but on medicines and sanatoriums.

Therefore, learn to fight for your rights today. If your boss has given you an unrealistic amount of work and ridiculously short deadlines, don't act like a dumb plantation slave. Open your mouth and say something like:

- I'm glad (a) that you believe in my ability to work, but to remake all these things into such short term impossible from the standpoint of pure mathematics. Let's determine which of these is the most urgent and which can wait.

- Thanks for the assignment. I realized. Today my working day is already over, but tomorrow morning, the first thing I do is take it up and settle everything.

- Sorry, but this is not my job. Do you want to revise them? Then let's revise at the same time mine wages.

- I understand that your assignment is urgent. I can complete such a volume of work in such a timeframe, but it will cost so much.

Rule No. 4
The right to make mistakes
There are no perfect people. Even the most impeccable employee, even the most brilliant professional, has probably made a mistake at least once in his career. What if this happened to you?

If you have made some mistake or miscalculation, the first thing you should do is forgive yourself. Torment over the deed is not only meaningless, but also harmful. You have to forgive yourself. You are not perfect. Who is perfect? It could happen to anyone. Draw conclusions from the situation and try to take what happened as a lesson. After you do this, be on the lookout. Now you will most likely have to defend your interests.

Why? Because, having made some mistake at work, you gave your colleagues and superiors the opportunity to move you and infringe on your rights. It is professional punctures that often provoke all kinds of fines, lower wages and even dismissal.

For example, my friend Veronica, a student of a theater university, once worked as a presenter at a pretentious corporate party. In the midst of the event, she accidentally mixed up the script sheets and misrepresented one of the VIP guests, calling him a producer while he was a composer. It would seem that the mistake was not so terrible, but the VIP-guest did not think so. He threw a veritable tantrum. A scandal began behind the scenes. Veronica, instead of leading the evening as if nothing had happened, went to listen to reproaches and threats from the producer and director of the event. As a result, her mood was irrevocably ruined, and she spent the rest of the party crumpled and nervous. After the end of the event, she did not receive a dime for her work.

- Be glad that we have not fined you yet, - they told her, - be glad that we didn’t cut off your oxygen in this city at all. Yes, if we want, you will not work anywhere else at all. So thank us.

Veronica said "thank you" and left with nothing. Why did it happen? Was Veronica's mistake so terrible and unforgivable? Of course not. It's just that the organizers of the event noticed in time that the girl felt guilty and scared, and decided to play on it in order to save money.

Don't punish yourself like that. Be confident in yourself. One mistake cannot negate all your previous achievements. So do not hesitate to sit down at the negotiating table. And discuss in detail with the authorities what happened. You can take full responsibility for eliminating the consequences of your puncture. But don't let yourself be robbed of the money you have earned. After all, you have done your job. Because something doesn't work out, you don't have to lose everything.

Rule No. 5
Woodpecker syndrome, or should you “knock” on colleagues
History has known times when informers flourished. It used to be profitable to “knock” on acquaintances. And now? Will a denunciation of a colleague help to defend their interests?

Of course, many large corporations today live according to the harsh laws of the jungle: the strongest wins (see also: the cunning, the meanest, the bravest). Quite a few promotions have taken place after fellow competitors were “laid down” by their superiors.

A striking example is my friend Nina. Once she was a simple sales representative, but after one "lucky chance" she was able to hook her boss and he was fired. To take a warm chair, Nina went to the owner of the company and reported which of her colleagues - sales representatives took the state money, and who was rude to customers. So Nina got a promotion. But at the new place she did not stay long. Becoming the boss of those whom she herself had previously passed, Nina managed to turn the entire department against herself. In the end, the angry subordinates joined forces and drove her out of the firm. Morality is as old as the world: evil always returns, like good ...

If you have reported on someone, be sure - sooner or later they will report on you. Another situation is when you got access to some information that is really needed by the authorities. For example, your subordinate got into the state money, you found out and decided to cover him up in front of big bosses. Think carefully before doing this. In this case, you take on a huge responsibility. And if some facts come up, suspicion will fall on you, moreover, you can be made guilty. And then other people's problems will turn into yours.

In short, each case deserves a separate consideration. Weigh everything carefully before making a decision. If you hate to play the role of an informer who sneaks at his colleagues behind your back, you can play in the open. For example, honestly tell your colleague that you received some unpleasant information about him and are going to pass it on to your boss. You can even apologize in advance. But you shouldn't sacrifice your own interests to cover up someone's wrongdoing.

Rule No. 6
Smoke breaks policy
Friends are in short supply. Friends are easy to make in childhood and adolescence: classmates, classmates and even comrades kindergarten or a circle of choristers / gymnasts / judokas. Where can an adult find friends?

"Of course, in your office!" - you will think and ... you will be mistaken. That is, you are not completely wrong. Friendship with colleagues is in your best interest. It's good when the team loves and respects you. It's good when you have someone to go to lunch with and someone to smoke with on the stairs. It's just great if your colleague can cover you in front of the boss with some one hundred percent alibi like: “Don't worry, she's only delayed because her tire is flat. Will come any minute. " But there is whole line situations and cases when friendship (or just too close relationships with colleagues) not only does not benefit you, but also directly infringes on your interests. Here are the most common examples of friendships that threaten your personal interests.

1. In a fit of candor (or stupidity), you let your colleague know how much you are getting. And he / she - dumbfounded by this amount - was imbued with envy, negativity and, as a result, the desire to kick you out of a warm place. The moral is simple - answer all inquiries about your income: "Commercial secret." The money question arose between many close friends.

2. You and a colleague-friend have to compete. And how will your friendship be built? Will you play giveaway, specifically trying not to increase your sales too much so that the other will not be offended? Not worth it. You should always be a professional at work. high level and work at full strength. And may the strongest win.

3. Your friend is being promoted. And you quietly envy and wonder why he is better than you. This is where the office friendship ends.

4. You, in a fit of resentment or resentment, complain to your office friend about the boss, using a lot of unprintable words and obscene language. And your colleague at the right time passes them on to your boss behind your back. You can only guess: why was I fined / demoted / removed from this project / fired?

In a word, friendship is wonderful. But be careful. Don't let warm internal relationships ruin your career and hurt your interests!

Rule No. 7
Taming the bosses
Some believe that communicating with the authorities is a sophisticated torture. Others say it's an obstacle course. And we believe that communication with bosses is an ideal chance to defend your interests and strengthen your position in the company.

The biggest stress for my friend Lida has always been the road to work. The fact is that every day she went to the office on the same regular bus. And since her boss, by a strange coincidence, lived in a neighboring yard, they usually drove together.

- And why are you so worried? - I was surprised, - well, you think, you go by the same bus? So what's wrong with that?

“Yes, I don’t know how to behave,” said Lida, “either to say hello, or to pretend that I don’t notice. And is it necessary to sit down on the next seat on purpose? And keep the conversation going? Necessarily? Or vice versa? Maybe he won't like the fact that I go to him every morning with conversations. Or maybe, on the contrary, he will say, some kind of boor, ignoring me. I'm afraid he'll fire me because of these morning trips.

Of course, it is pointless to be afraid. On the contrary, all events in life should be taken as a CHANCE. A chance to change everything for the better. If, due to certain circumstances, you are forced to regularly communicate with your boss, use this to your advantage. You can take this unique opportunity to draw his attention to your work and your person.

The first approach to the big boss is not only possible, but also necessary. At the very least, good manners are required to say hello. And then, using non-verbal signals, you can easily determine whether your boss is inclined to communicate or not? Gestures of openness will tell you that your boss is in touch with you and communicating with you. In this case, you can safely start a conversation and even voice some of your wishes and requests for work and career advancement.

Openness gestures include: "palms outward" (when a person opens his hands, as it were, turning his palms towards the sky), "unbuttoning clothes" (of course, you can unbutton your jacket due to weather conditions, but psychologists note that for many people this is a gesture of openness and trust). If, on the other hand, your boss uses one of the closed gestures or defensive postures, you should not intrusively meddle with conversations. A signal to retreat for you can be: crossing your arms over your chest, arms hidden behind your back or in your pocket. However, you should not take all gestures without exception at your own expense. Sometimes they hide their hands in their pockets from the cold, and aggressive gestures are not provoked by you at all, but by unpleasant memories. In a word, you should not rush to conclusions, just as you should not avoid additional communication with your superiors, which can greatly help in achieving your goals.

Rule No. 8
The king is dead, long live the king!
What if your good old boss has changed. And now corporate power has been usurped by an outsider? What to do? How do I keep my positions? Or maybe conquer new ones?

Of course, it's in your best interest to please the new chef! As soon as he comes to a new company, even for a very high position, a person needs to get comfortable, find allies and like-minded people. Therefore, it is not so difficult to win over a new boss. The main thing is a competent approach, and your career interests will begin to be realized one after another. In order not to spend your whole life defending your own professional benefits, you can try hard once to build a relationship with your boss.

Here are some simple commandments for someone who is not afraid to be one of the chef's favorites.

1. Be kind. Getting started in a new place is never easy. Your new boss may well feel some discomfort, being in an unfamiliar office and unfamiliar team. Help him get comfortable. Of course, there is no need to impose. But it is imperative to make contact. For example, escort the boss to the cafeteria or show him where the coffee machines are.

2. When talking to your new boss, never speak too well or too badly of your old boss. If you praise your former boss, it will be interpreted as a challenge or an attempt to undermine: “What a superboss we had. Everyone loved him, and now because of you he is gone. Will you be able to match his level? " If you scold your former boss, you will thereby show your disrespect and shortsightedness. The new boss may decide that you are sucking up. (And who knows, perhaps after he leaves, you will spread the same unseemly rumors.)

3. Do not belittle your abilities and merits. Of course, modesty beautifies. But if you have to win the respect of a stranger, show yourself in all your splendor - otherwise how will the new boss guess that you are a real nugget and a very valuable employee? It is in your best interest to showcase your talents. And in any case do not belittle your merits. For example, you shouldn't say, “Our department has increased sales by thirty percent,” if in fact you were increasing those sales alone. So do not hesitate to "yak". Be honest: “I organized an advertising campaign,” “I developed a tax reduction system,” “I proposed a new strategy,” etc.

Rule No. 9
Love affair at work
The triangle is the most dangerous geometric figure in love. And what if the love triangle looks a little unusual: you are your loved one - your favorite job. Yes, what if you have a common job and similar interests?

It's not easy to have an office romance. It generates a lot of factors that infringe on your personal interests: here and gossip of colleagues, and the need to compete with your loved one, and, most importantly, a very difficult dilemma: whose career is more important?

Of course, the easiest way (especially if your romance is not so long and rose-colored glasses have not yet slept) is to shrug and say: "Of course his / her career is more important." And yet, if you look at things with a sober eye, it becomes clear that this way of thinking is extremely short-sighted. On what basis did you conclude that your career is not important? Why are you giving up the palm to your partner? Don't you think you deserve professional growth and brilliant prospects?

So, for example, my colleague Ulyana met her future husband at her favorite job. They were both journalists, very ambitious and disruptive. Ilya was not as hardworking as Ulyana, but he was not devoid of talent. Therefore, for some time their careers developed in sync. But one fine day the editor called Ulyana and offered her his position: “I am moving to another magazine and would like to recommend you for my position. You are capable and responsible, you can handle it. " Ulyana happily agreed and a month later was sitting in the editorial chair.

At first, Ilya, it would seem, was even happy for his bride. But very soon the problems began. Ilya changed for no apparent reason, began to come home later: "This high bosses like you, Ulyana, can leave the office at six, and journalists, if you remember, have to work day and night."

Ulyana could not calmly edit her lover's articles, knowing that each of her amendments could cause another domestic quarrel. In the end, even their wedding, which they had planned six months before Ulyanin's promotion, was in jeopardy. Ilya said that he was not going to be a gigolo and henpecked, and therefore refuses to marry a woman above him in position and status. And Ulyana gave up. She left her editorial position and went to work as a correspondent for another publication. And Ilya deftly took up the vacant editorial position.

Of course, it is generally accepted that sacrifice in the name of love is a noble cause. However, before you go to them, ask yourself again: which is easier for you - to find a new job or a new love. Sometimes it is more profitable to maintain a relationship, sometimes a career. Try to analyze what is in your best interests and follow the intended strategy.

Rule No. 10
Hi Monica Lewinsky
Not so long ago, no one in Russia knew the word "harassment". However, this does not mean that there was no sexual harassment in our offices. There were, they just preferred to keep quiet about them.

Hiding such "shameful" facts of the biography, as the harassment of their own boss, most girls, on the one hand, protect their business reputation, but, on the other hand, forever close the possibility of resistance and struggle against such orders. Unfortunately, it’s common for a girl today not to get promoted just because she refused to have an intimate relationship with her boss. And this state of affairs is considered quite normal and commonplace. At least few of the employees are going to sue their boss if, say, he decides to pinch for a soft spot. And our legislation, unfortunately, does not provide for laws that protect against harassment.

And nevertheless, it is possible and necessary to defend one's interests. At least there are several proven methods “eat a fish and climb the tree”, that is, on the one hand, to get all professional benefits - from career growth to a raise in salary, and on the other, not to pay for it with an intimate relationship.

First, don't be silent! If you have been sexually harassed, do not be ashamed to hide this fact. After all, you are the injured party! Let your colleagues know about it. Perhaps they also got into a similar situation, but were embarrassed to say. If it turns out that there were many victims of sexual harassment by the authorities, the fight for your rights will be greatly simplified. Not to mention that bad word of mouth will tarnish your boss's business reputation and he may lose his job.

Those who coerce count on your silence. And most of the victims do choose to remain silent, thereby reinforcing the boss's confidence in his righteousness and impunity.

You can try to collect evidence of harassment. For example, put the recorder in your pocket and record one of your conversations.

One friend of mine, Nastya, did this. She entered the boss's office and asked bluntly: “Viktor Petrovich, I want to make sure once again that I understood you correctly: that is, you are telling me that if I don’t have sex with you, you will achieve my dismissal. And you are sure that you have enough strength for this. In my opinion, the questions of personnel reshuffles are not decided by you, but by your boss, Artur Grigorievich. " Viktor Petrovich swallowed the bait and began to smugly threaten Nastya, drawing bleak prospects of unemployment. Nastya nodded, after which she went straight to the office of Artur Grigorievich, who was the head of her boss, and let him listen to the recording. I think there is no need to explain who was fired in the end.

Rule No. 11
Forever partners!
Another difficult situation is communication with the partner-clients of the firm. All business sharks learned a long time ago: the client is always right! And if the client is wrong, see point one. The question arises: if the client is always right, then how to make sure that you, an employee of the company, are not guilty?

Pleasing, pleasing and pleasing again - this is the policy of the majority of employees in relation to partners and clients of the firm. It is believed that companions should be cajoled with all available means. But still, there are boundaries of reason. So, how to establish successful communication and cooperation without giving up your interests and benefits?

First, try not to waste your personal time and money on communicating with partners. If your bosses want you not only to negotiate with clients, but also to entertain them in every possible way, "walk" in saunas, pubs and nightclubs, then stipulate the conditions of such a "working" regime in advance. Would you be credited with hours spent with partners in an informal setting? Are you reimbursed for entertainment expenses? Feel free to be the first to bring up this topic.

For example, my friend Polina spent a whole week with visiting partners from Germany. At the request of her boss, she took them to sights, museums, and fed them in the most expensive restaurants in the city. The Germans had a great vacation in Moscow, but when it came to signing the necessary contracts, for the sake of which all these parties were started, they backed up. Polina's boss was furious. He fired Polina because she "went on a spree for a whole week and did not show up in the office," although everyone knew that Polina was on a task from the management. And she was left without work, without money (partying in Moscow was always an overhead affair) and without the slightest idea of ​​what she did wrong and how she should be?

In short, no matter how much you want to please your partners, know when to stop. And don't let the boss make you the scapegoat.

Rule No. 12
St. Bartholomew's night, or How not to get into a mess at a corporate party
Corporate parties were invented by someone very tricky. It was believed that at a corporate party in an informal setting, subordinates can show themselves in the most favorable light before their superiors. In fact, most of the layoffs occur precisely on the days after cheerful corporate nights ...

Yes, a corporate evening is like a roulette wheel: you can win the attention of your superiors, interest in your person, respect and increased status, or you can disgrace yourself in front of the entire work collective and lose. So, what principles of conduct at a corporate event can serve your interests?

1. Strictly follow the dress code. If the invitation says evening gown / tie, take the trouble to dress appropriately. And no excuses like: "I'm just a secretary / accountant / trainee and why will I dress up like a ball." Representative appearance- it is very important. It is in your best interest for the bosses and partners to see you not as a simple secretary / cleaner / trainee, but as a worthy face of the company.

2. Don't drink too much alcohol. You should not perceive corporate evenings in the spirit of "hurray, today we are drinking for free!". This is very short-sighted. Try to know when to stop and stay sober. You don't have to drink every time you make another toast to the company's prosperity. It is enough just to clink glasses with everyone and sip a little champagne.

3. Try to communicate more. Show yourself as a multifaceted, versatile personality. Of course, it is not worth "loading" those present with work questions in order to prove their diligence and efficiency. Otherwise, at best, you will be mistaken for a workaholic-bore. You can start a conversation about books you read, theater, art, politics. Just do not rush to express yourself too categorically. Otherwise, you risk criticizing Pelevin and only then find out that your boss, it turns out, is crazy about him.

Thus, sobriety and adequate behavior - The best way protect your interests at a corporate party.

Rule No. 13
Diplomat for soap!
Some people confuse rational self-advocacy with the notorious swing of rights. This is a big mistake! Here are some examples of when you shouldn't push back and prove your point of view in every possible way!

So, you show excessive stubbornness and swing your rights if:

1. You are trying to blackmail your bosses: "Either you raise my salary, or I go to a competing firm." Of course, employer intimidation sometimes pays off. But be aware: this method only works once. If you appear with such threats every week or month, it will be easier for the bosses to replace you than to satisfy your endless demands.

2. Forgive the impossible. For example, you ask for an unrealistic fee for your work, although you know very well that services of this kind are actually much cheaper. Or insist on a prohibitive amount, knowing that the project budget does not allow it. Of course, it is not only possible, but also necessary to apply for a good salary. But the numbers must be real. If you are asking for dizzying fees, knowing that the firm cannot afford to pay each accountant five thousand dollars a month, I would like to ask: what are you counting on? Do you think employers will be so impressed by your competence that they will get the missing funds out of the ground? This is unlikely. It will be easier for them to find a less demanding specialist. And you can be branded "prima" and "impudent" who overestimate themselves and their abilities.

3. You work on the principle of both ours and yours. In an effort to make more money, you work for two competing firms. It would seem, what could be more logical? Since the days of Truffaldino, people have learned that being a "servant of two masters" is very beneficial. On the other hand, most firms categorically prohibit their employees from working in this manner. And the well-known principle may work: you chase two hares, you won't catch a single one. Your duplicity can end badly, especially if the firm's security service takes over. So in your pursuit of earnings, it is in your best interest to stick to what is permitted by your firm's charter.

Rule No. 14
Corporate carnage
Even in conditions of peace and quiet, it is not easy to defend your interests. What can we say about conflict situations when you think not so much about your benefits as about not losing your place in the company at all ...

Still, you should never fold. Even if an avalanche of reproaches, complaints, negativity, gossip and other career troubles fell on you, do not forget about your rights and benefits. A massive psychological attack, of course, puts a lot of pressure on nervous system... If, as a result of some situation, everyone in the office is up in arms against you, know that you are being provoked. The purpose of the provocation is to lead you to aggression, blind rage, which will force you to commit rash acts, for example, leave the company, loudly slamming the door and not taking the material compensation due to you (“here, they say, we are so proud”).

Another option for psychological pressure: reproaches and appeals to your conscience in order to instill in you a feeling of guilt for something. Don't give in. A person who truly loves himself will never be tormented in vain. If you are really to blame for something and can fix the situation, do it and forget. If you are to blame, but you cannot change something, ask for forgiveness, and most importantly, forgive yourself and forget, let go of the negative situation. Because otherwise, guilt, like a bag of bricks, will always pull you back and stand across your interests.

So, for example, my friend Nikolay worked for a long time as a sales manager in a large company and was seriously aiming for the position of a sector manager. But once, when the results of the employees were announced at one of the planning meetings, Nikolai had the worst result. It wasn't that scary. He fulfilled the sales plan, he just lagged slightly behind his colleagues in terms of indicators, and they, of course, did not miss the opportunity to undermine his self-esteem and self-confidence. As if by agreement, they began to turn an ordinary work situation into a conflict one. Some approached with words of sympathy, others with reproaches, others with ridicule and sarcastic comments.

Nikolai could not diplomatically and competently sort out this situation, make it work for his own interests. Constant "assaults" of colleagues very soon led to the fact that Nikolai resigned. He had to start all over again at another firm.

Of course, none of this would have happened if he had tried to use the situation to his advantage. For example, he perceived his temporary defeat as an incentive to go ahead by leaps and bounds, and then with passion would have embarked on the pursuit of high sales.

Remember: in any situation, even in the most impasse, there is some benefit for you. Learn to see and use it!

Rule No. 15
Discrimination is prohibited
Today everyone knows what discrimination is. Even sixth graders pass this concept within the framework of school course stories. Unfortunately, discrimination is by no means a historical term. He can be encountered in real life and to this day.

My best friend is a very popular model in the capital. Her name is Katherine and her appearance is as beautiful and exotic as her name. Catherine is a mulatto, charming and sociable, she is one of those girls who immediately attracts people to herself and is constantly surrounded by caring friends.

Once, Katherine was having dinner with her old acquaintance Vitaly. They discussed the past summer, plans for the future, career successes.

- Listen, why haven't you appeared on the cover of N magazine? - asked Vitaly. - This is a great, prestigious men's magazine, you would increase your status by becoming their cover girl.

- Yes, in fact, I would love to, - said Catherine, - but how to arrange it? It's not so easy for them to get to the casting.

- Nonsense! Their editor-in-chief is a close friend of mine. Now I will call him and tell him about you, - and with these words Vitaly resolutely dialed the phone number:

- Hello, Gen, hello, how are you? Nothing? Look, I'm having dinner here with a girl, her name is Catherine O., she's a model, a real beauty. Have you heard of this? Ah, even saw her in commercials ?! Well, even more so! Would you like to put it on your cover? No? And why? Well, okay ... - And Vitaly pressed the hang-up.

- Well? - asked Katherine.

- I refused, - Vitaly stated in perplexity, - it's a pity ...

- Come on, it's okay, think about it, - Katherine shrugged her shoulders, - but he did not explain why?

- He said they basically do not publish photos of black models. Sorry, he says, they have a format - only the Caucasian race.

“I see,” Catherine smiled.

But in reality, nothing was clear. The twenty-first century is in the yard, but discrimination and infringement of rights on the basis of gender, race, nationality, etc., are still taking place. How to deal with this? How to defend your interests?

1. Do not try to get rid of the attribute on which you are being discriminated against. That is, if you are a woman, do not try to look more masculine. If you are Japanese, do not try to widen your eyes; if you are Georgian, do not hide your nose. We all know the example of Michael Jackson, who tried to change the race, and we all know how it ended.

2. Emphasize your personality. ("Yes, I am a woman, that is why I can handle the position of department manager. The department needs a real mistress!" .)

3. When faced with discrimination, do not give up immediately: “Well, what are my chances! Only men / Russians / Muscovites are accepted there! " If each of us folds, the situation will never change for the better.

Rule No. 16
Friendship is friendship, but money apart
It would seem, what could be more convenient, reliable and profitable than a joint business with your friends? In fact, not everything is so simple. The point is, good friends don't always turn out to be good workers. Are bad employees in your best interest?

One friend of mine likes to repeat: if you want to get rid of a friend, take him to your work. And there is some truth in this. Of course, everyone needs their own people everywhere. It would seem how good it is to work hand in hand with a close and trusted friend. Still, there are a number of reasons why you shouldn't hire buddies, recommend them to your superiors, or start a joint business. It's just not in your best interest, because:

1. It is difficult to assess the work and professional qualities of a loved one fairly objectively. Of course, it seems to us that our friends are super talented and mega-competent. In practice, you can inadvertently be convinced of the opposite. This is unlikely to benefit your career or your friendship.

2. It is difficult to criticize a close friend, and joint work usually implies criticism. If you are not demanding enough of your friend, it will turn out that as an employee he works very mediocre. And that would hardly be of any use to the cause. In addition, it is very difficult to give orders, directions and instructions to a subordinate with whom you usually go to barbecues and meet for an evening cocktail every Friday.

3. All your work problems will become personal problems. That is, if earlier you could come and complain to a friend about slow creators or an angry boss, now you have to keep your problems to yourself, since your friend is this very slow creator.

4. If you have recommended your friend for a certain position, and he was not competent enough, then the demand will be with you, and you may be guilty. On the other hand, if you characterize your friend truthfully, he may be offended by you. Thus, the likelihood of being caught between a rock and a hard place is too high.

The conclusion is simple. Think soberly and sensibly! Only hire or recommend a friend if they are truly ideal for the job. No need to mix it with the professional personal! This is not in your best interest, for you can easily screw up both.

NOT HOME ALONE ...

An even more difficult question is how to defend your personal interests in a fight with your parents, husbands, children and other family members. After all, if you have not achieved what you want at work, you can always change jobs. And if you can't defend your interests in the family in any way? Is this a reason to change your family? Far from it! This is a reason to change tactics and adhere to the following rules.

Rule No. 17
Learn to say the word "no"
Such a simple and at the same time such a complex word "no". Oh, how difficult it is sometimes to refuse our loved ones and relatives! And yet there are situations when it is necessary to do this!

Reliability, of course, is not a flaw, but a quality that makes life much more difficult. To agree to always and with everyone, to help everyone in everything - this is how most of us were brought up from early childhood. Because it is "good", it is "correct" and "polite."

Personally, I still cannot forget how my dad told me that all people need to be helped. And this attitude persists for many years. But sooner or later, she may start working against you. Spending all your time, strength, nerves and health to help others, you leave no space for yourself. You are ready to help your sister write a diploma, you rush headlong to meet your husband from the airport, canceling all your business, on weekends, instead of a well-deserved rest, you go to your parents' dacha to weed potatoes. After all, these are your parents! You MUST take care of them!

But who will take care of you if you yourself do not want to do it? Instead, you become more and more bogged down in someone else's life and solving other people's problems. Is it in your best interest? Stop! It's time to think about yourself. And for this you need to learn to say "no" without fear of offending the person.

How can this be done? First, don't agree right away. If you are asked for something, take time out and say, “Okay, I'll think about how I can help you. If I can do something for you, I will let you know. " Thus, you can really weigh everything and decide whether you should get involved in this business or not?

The second way is thorough motivation. A loved one will never be offended by your refusal if you explain it. For example, say: “Unfortunately, I cannot meet you at the airport, because my car is parked at the service.”

You can also use the "no, but" technique. For example, if your sister asks you to write a term book or a diploma for her, you can calmly tell her: "No, I will not write anything for you, but I can tell you good links on the Internet and useful literature on your topic." Thus, you do not seem to refuse categorically to help, but at the same time you do not take on unnecessary responsibility, and also do not shoulder someone else's work on your shoulders.

Rule No. 18
When silence is not gold
Sometimes being silent is very helpful. This is evidenced by the ancient proverb "silence is gold" and the fashionable advertising slogan "sometimes it is better to chew than talk." And yet there are situations when partisan manners are not at all in your interests ...

Showdowns and power sharing can happen in any family. Arguments about who's boss are often tiresome and pointless. On the other hand, being silent and agreeing with everything that your husband / mother / mother-in-law / mother-in-law or another family member who has taken the position of commander-in-law says is also pretty silly.

Here are some situations in which you have the right to vote, and you must use it to protect your family interests.

1. Housing issue! If your relatives decide to move in / disperse / sell / buy or privatize an apartment, be sure to take an active part in the discussions on this topic!

Of course, you need to enter someone else's position, but you must not forget about yourself! Do not let anyone register on your living space without your permission.

Of course, there are situations when it seems to you that it is easier to give up, not spoil relations in the family and allow relatives to do whatever they want with the apartment. This is very short-sighted! You can only not fight for your apartment rights if you have enough money to buy yourself another apartment.

Otherwise, defend your housing interests to the last, otherwise at one fine moment your husband's daughter from his first marriage or his wife's second cousin with a litter of cats may move in to you.

2. Another situation in which it is impossible to remain silent, when the situation in the family does not suit you categorically and you are experiencing long-term worries about this.

For example, my friend Natasha has been a “home hostage” for a long time. Absolutely all household issues and responsibilities lay on her shoulders - from preparing dinner for a family of five to cleaning, shopping and paying utilities.

For almost three years she was torn to pieces, trying to have time to pay for the light, buy minced meat and fry cutlets in record time, while her husband watched football on NTV-plus, her mother knitted a hundred and twenty-fifth pair of socks, and her father fiddled with with his old "penny".

Once Natasha's patience ran out. “That's it, I've had enough! She yelled. "Either you start helping me around the house, or I leave, look for another servant!" The family looked at each other in surprise. “Yes, we would have helped you long ago,” the mother said in surprise, “we didn’t know… you were silent. And we deliberately did not climb to you, we thought that the economy is your element, it will be unpleasant for you if we invade your territory. "

I guess no comments are required. Almost any problem in a family can be resolved in the interests of all its members, but for this it is necessary to stop silently sulking at each other and sit down at the negotiating table.

Rule No. 19
Altar of motherhood
Often the youngest members of a family become the commander. How to prevent your child from manipulating you? How to avoid childish dictatorship? And is it possible to defend your interests in an unequal battle with your baby?

It would seem, who could be nicer and more helpless than your beloved crumbs? Such a good obedient child, you think about him, but he himself needs to be protected from everything! And yet this is not entirely true. In fact, children can often turn into tyrants and manipulators.

You cannot let the child control you or sit on your neck. And children's manipulations are most often intuitive, which is why it is so easy to succumb to them. “Mom, buy me this car or I won’t love you”, “Dad, if you don’t take me to ride the hill, I won’t have lunch!”. And sometimes the children do not even need to say anything, it is enough to burst into tears - and the parents, frightened to death, are ready for any concessions and conditions, if only the baby calms down.

This should not be allowed. If the child learns that toys / sweets / the opportunity not to go to kindergarten can be obtained from you with tears and tantrums, he will repeat this trick over and over again. It's not in your best interest, so take the initiative. You must dictate the terms.

Explain clearly and intelligibly to the child what he must do to make his request or desire come true. For example, say, “We’ll go for a slide if you sing well. As soon as you eat this plate of borscht, we'll get dressed and go for a walk. " Try to avoid abstract formulations: it is difficult for the child to understand, much less to execute.

For example, words like "behave yourself" are more likely to confuse a toddler. Good - how's that? Speak specifically: “don't tear the book” or “don't make a noise”, “don't fight”. An even better option is if you can formulate your wish for the child without resorting to the negative particle "not". That is, instead of shouting: "Do not wipe your dirty hands on your clothes!" - it is better to calmly explain: "Take this red towel and dry your hands with it." This way you will achieve much better results than if you always follow your child's lead.

Rule No. 20
If the husband ate pears
A loved one is sacred. Sometimes we are so absorbed in our feelings that we do not notice how our own spouses begin to infringe on our interests. How to find a compromise between love and your benefits?

My friend Maxim is a young man with an amazing appearance, worked as a computer designer for five years, while living in a civil marriage with a pretty flight attendant Olesya and was very happy with life, until one day his textured figure was noticed by a scooter of an advertising agency.

Maxim was offered to star in a commercial, and for the sake of laughter he agreed, especially since they promised good money for this. Unfortunately, according to the script, Maxim had to kiss the blonde model, which, of course, could not please his wife Olesya. But it was too late to retreat. The video was filmed, then aired. And new offers fell on Max. The only bad thing was that Olesya, who had previously seemed a tactful and understanding girl, suddenly turned into a jealous shrew. She rolled scene after scene. At first, she forbade Maxim to act in love scenes, and he agreed. Then she began to insist that he should not take part in the videos at all, where girls are involved. Then she demanded not to show her naked torso. In the end, she announced that she would accompany him on the set, and then she asked to leave this business altogether, refusing lucrative offers ...

If your other half puts you in the same uncomfortable conditions, infringing on your rights more and more, do not tolerate and do not remain silent, hoping that another concession on your part will finally put an end to constant conflicts. Surely you have heard the expression: "Give her a finger - she will bite off her arm to the elbow." This is exactly the case. Sit down at the negotiating table. Try to find a compromise. Your task is to understand what exactly in your work / hobbies / friends / lifestyle does not suit your half? You need to find and neutralize the TRUE cause of her / his experience. In the end, feel free to ask for something in return. If you are asked to give up something, ask what will you get for it, or, in other words, in favor of what do you give up your beliefs?

For example, say: "Okay, I will no longer chat with Lenka about clothes for three hours, but in return I want you not to go fishing on Saturday nights." Or vice versa: "Let me not give up my hobby: belly dancing, and for that I will allow you to come to my classes or do aikido."

Rule No. 21
Language aggravation
Politeness is great! If you adhere to the correct tone in communicating with your loved ones and relatives, you can only be praised and envied for your tolerance. And yet there are situations where causticity within reasonable limits will play into your hands.

Of course, it is good if you can agree on everything peacefully with your relatives and you do not have the need to joke at them or sarcastically parry some of their statements. But if close people do not understand the human language, you have to resort to literal metaphors.

Sometimes it is very difficult to respond tactfully to tactlessness. How in famous book"Diary of Bridget Jones", where the main character was constantly ridiculed and insulted by her mother and her friends about the fact that she was "still not married."

For years my friend Asya patiently and stoically endured the inquiries of her relatives about when she and her husband would finally have children. Asya had some health problems. She was undergoing treatment for infertility, and the constant interrogation with addiction did not in the best way affect her nervous system. Once, at a large family feast, the question of Asya's motherhood was once again raised. Relatives discussed and discussed intimate problems with their spouse. Finally Ashin's uncle asked:

- Well, As, it's not time for us to open champagne there on the occasion of the addition to your family, or will you work idle for a couple of years?

Asya could not stand such tactlessness:

- Well, what are you, Uncle Lesch, we will open champagne when your book is published. Here, in my opinion, is a really worthy occasion. By the way, when will this happen? Hopefully one of these days? Or will you work in vain for another couple of years?

Uncle Lesha blushed like cancer, and the whole family burst out laughing. The fact is that Uncle Lesha considered himself a poet. Every evening for the past three years, he has retired to his office and created. Unclaimed yet. No one was in a hurry to publish his poems. Ashin's attack might not have been delicate, but at least she was finally left alone with tactless questioning.

So I advise you to know when you should not stand on ceremony and swallow offensive words. Sometimes it's worth making a joke in response to put the person in their place. If this is a really close person to you, he will forgive your sarcasm. But it will immediately become clear to him what it is like to be under fire from other people's ridicule.

Rule No. 22
Who said meow?
Some people are naturally great at standing up for themselves and their interests.

They usually say about such people: don't put a finger in their mouths. They until blue in the face will prove their case and seek their conditions by all available means.

Here are the lucky ones! Or maybe they, such stubborn, decisive individuals, do not need this book? Unfortunately, many people, who are accustomed to firmly defending their position, often fall into the trap of subtle manipulators and, without noticing it, begin to implement someone else's mindset or defend other people's interests. How does this happen? Very simple!

So, for example, my friend Luda was always distinguished by an iron character: strong-willed and decisive, she always clearly defined her goals and went ahead of them. On a beautiful summer day, Luda decided that she wanted to marry a wealthy foreigner. And from that moment on, all her ebullient energy was directed towards the search and conquest of the overseas prince. However, months passed, and the goal was still not subdued. Luda looked through many questionnaires, communicated with crowds of applicants, but the one and only one still could not be found. Either the candidate for husbands turned out to be not rich enough, then the country in which he lived was too far from Russia, then the shade of his eyes was not the same, then he simply “didn’t like it”. This epic with grooms lasted for several years. And all this time Lyuda wondered why this time her goal did not want to be realized? Isn't she trying hard enough? Doesn't he make little effort?

And then one day she was overtaken by an epiphany! Yes, she does not want to get married abroad! I never wanted to and hardly ever wants to! It's just not in her best interest! Firstly, she loves Moscow and does not want to leave her native city. Secondly, here she has an excellent job: she is a creator in a prestigious advertising agency, and in a foreign country she will not be able to work without knowing the language. And Russian men are much closer to her in spirit and mentality.

Realizing this, Luda laughed. She just doesn't want to go anywhere. It is not profitable for her! So why did she spend so much effort on achieving this “unprofitable” goal? The key to the solution is Lyuda's mother. A woman with a bulldog grip and a fox mind. Anna Ivanovna herself always dreamed of getting married abroad, but it did not work out. I had to convince my daughter that abroad "real life", but here - so, miserable vegetation. And now Luda spent a lot of time realizing someone else's dream.

If for a long time you cannot achieve your goal or defend your interests, take a closer look at the situation and ask yourself: whose interests am I really defending?

Rule No. 23
Profession: translator
How flattering when people turn to you for advice! So, your opinion is really appreciated! And if you are asked to help resolve the conflict, you can even consider yourself a highly qualified diplomat!

But is it only so profitable - to work as a translator and mediator in resolving intra-family conflicts? Once my sister had a fight with her boyfriend:

- I can't stand it! He doesn't understand me! As if he doesn't hear what I'm saying to him! After all, I have explained a hundred times what I want from the relationship, but he ... no, I've had enough! We part - and that's the end of it.

I nodded and agreed sympathetically, although deep down, of course, I was sorry that such a beautiful and strong couple would break up. And a couple of days after this conversation, I accidentally met my sister's ex-boyfriend. He was clearly glad to see me:

- Listen, well, maybe at least you can explain to me what's going on? I don't understand what she wants! Talk to her, otherwise I call her, but she does not answer.

I felt like a diplomatic genius and a peacemaker. It's great to act as a mediator and reconcile the two loving people, I thought, now they will come together thanks to me, and in a couple of years I will be their bridesmaid at their wedding, I will make touching toasts and cry sentimentally.

However, my naive dreams were not destined to come true. I really had to shed a tear when I quarreled with my sister:

- Oh, you support him ?! She yelled at me. - And he is generally good! Look, he ran to tell my own sister! Well, I'll show him Kuzka's mother!

As a result, they quarreled even more, and I remained guilty and presented myself as a fool who meddles in other people's business.

The moral is simple: never meddle unnecessarily in someone else's conflict and relationships! Only professional lawyers and professional psychoanalysts can afford it. Amateurs, on the other hand, should not even try to defend other people's interests, especially if you are not yet fully able to defend your own! It is simply not profitable for you to run into other people's showdowns, so try to remain neutral.

Rule No. 24
Where do the funds go, or the Family budget
How to distribute your finances? Difficult question! Should you give every last penny to the general treasury and spend all the money you earn for the benefit of your family? Or do you have the right to spend in your own interests?

My friend Anton works as a sales representative. His income largely depends on himself and on his efforts. To live by the principle: how much you earn, so much you eat, Anton has always been beneficial. For he was famous for his ability to work, dedication and ability to achieve good performance. His sales were always well above average, and therefore the earnings were decent.

His affairs deteriorated after Anton got married. It was a strange pattern, the more his family life settled down, the more his life improved, the less he worked and, accordingly, received less.

Once I came to visit them to evaluate their renovation and rearrangement of furniture. Nina, Anton's wife, seemed to me very sweet, pleasant, hospitable and economical. Anton looked as if he had eaten a kilogram of lemons and still could not wake up. As soon as Nina left the room, I was curious:

- Hey buddy, what's the matter? I think your wife is just a treasure? Or are you not happy with your family life?

To which Anton sighed sadly:

- In general, I'm satisfied. Only now the career went downhill! There is no incentive to make money! She takes all my salary and spends it at her discretion on utility bills, renovations, new furniture and dishes. What is the reason for me to make money if I cannot dispose of it myself at my own discretion?

This is really a reason to think. Of course, most people are brought up with the attitude: nothing is spared for a family. But if you give all the money you earn to the common piggy bank, then the process of making money becomes painful and uninteresting: what difference does it make how much you work, you still won't get anything. So don't go to extremes - it's not in your best interest.

Give to the family budget as much as you see fit. In addition, if it is your earnings that make up the lion's share of family savings, do not hesitate to take an active part in making financial decisions. You have every right to know where the money you earned goes, and, of course, you can express your wishes.

For example, if you want to buy a car, and your half wants to go to the sea, you should discuss your opinions and, after weighing all the pros and cons, decide what is best not for you or your partner, but what is best for your family.

Rule No. 25
Who is most important in the world, or Global solutions
Everyday questions are of two types: local and global. The first ones are quite possible to solve independently. For the second, you need to collect a family council. How to make sure that you are heard and heard at the family council?

Ask yourself: how much does my family value my opinion? Do my relatives follow my advice? Are requests being heeded? Are my interests taken into account?

Of course, a number of small questions - like which detergent to choose, what to cook for dinner, what color to hang the towels in the bathroom - may well do without your intervention. In the end, if you have not been asked which compote is better to cook, apple or plum, you still cannot say that your opinion was ignored. All these are little things in life. But when it comes to truly significant things: buying a car, moving to another city, resting abroad, it is simply necessary to take part in resolving issues.

So what to do if your family is leaning towards a serious decision and you strongly disagree with it?

1. Try to speak out more often about what you love and what you don’t like, what seems right to you and, conversely, is unreasonable in everyday life. Keeping it quiet can make your family feel like you don't care what color the wallpaper is in your room and how much seasoning is added to the roast. And since you don't care, what's the point of reckoning with your opinion?

2. At the family council, be sure to take the floor and calmly, reasonably state your position, without fear of anyone's attacks and objections. Avoid politically incorrect expressions like "You're wrong!" or "What are you - fools, how can you not understand such obvious things ?!"

3. Try to get into the position of each family member and understand his point of view. Insisting on your own, do not blindly persist. Look for alternative compromises that suit everyone. For example: “You want to move out of town to get the opportunity to breathe fresh air. I understand, and I have nothing against it. I myself would like to live closer to nature, but then how can I get to work every day? "

Rule No. 26
Divorce and maiden name
Previously, you have always been together and shared the joys and hardships with each other, but now you meet only in court, and even then only to divide up property, real estate and children.

Probably a million volumes have been written about how to survive the division of property and not allow yourself to be cheated for money during a divorce. Protecting your interests during your breakup with your significant other is vital. Another thing is that most people, shocked by such a stressful situation as divorce, get lost and incorrectly determine WHAT is in their best interests?

So, divorce must be approached with a sober mind and cool head... If you are so overwhelmed that you can no longer adequately determine what is beneficial to you, follow the simple instructions.

1. Remember that whatever the reason for your separation, it is not profitable for you to be in conflict with your ex-spouse! What will a spoiled relationship give you? Another enemy? Do you need it? It is much wiser to settle the matter peacefully and try to turn former love into friendship and respect. Don't be tied by the bonds of marriage anymore, you can still continue to communicate and support each other.

2. Do not demand when divorcing what you do not really need. For example, you don’t have to pursue sole custody of children by all means if your job or other business doesn’t allow you to properly educate them. Many parents sue their children in a fit of revenge, and even deprive their ex-spouse of the right to see their children, and as a result, babysitters raise their children.

3. Do not skimp unnecessarily. For example, don't try to avoid child support (especially if you can afford it). Let the negative attitude towards the former half do not spoil the lives of children who are not to blame for anything.

And in general, when divorcing, be guided not only by your own benefits. Try to do things for the well-being of your children. After all, being a good parent and raising a full-fledged personality is always in your interests!

Rule No. 27
Equality and brotherhood ...
Who among us in childhood did not beg our parents to give us a brother or sister? Then, in infancy, it seemed such a tempting prospect, and we did not at all think that the second child in the family could stand against our interests.

The first option is that the older child is in the center of parental attention. He is considered the first heir and favorite. For example, in royal or simply wealthy families, the older child inherits the lion's share of the parental property. Also, such a situation may arise if the second, youngest, child turns out to be unplanned. Then it is not easy for him to defend his rights.

The second option is the opposite. The youngest becomes a favorite in the family. Everyone around him is jumping, dust particles are blown off him, he is protected from everything in the world. While the elder "is already big, let him get used to independence."

What if you find yourself in a position deprived of love, parental attention, or inheritance?

First, forgive your parents and accept their choice. You will not be able to remake them with your scandals and claims in the spirit of: "Why do you love him more than me ?!" From this, of course, love and respect for you will not be added. Try to genuinely let go of your grudges against your parents. To do this, you can either resort to the help of a professional psychoanalyst, or engage in self-programming. To do this, either repeat to yourself many, many times: “I forgive my parents, I let go of old grievances,” or write these words on paper and hang them in a prominent place.

Secondly, do not forget that the love of parents, like the love of any other person, can be won. You will not achieve anything with jealousy, envy, and conflicts with your sister or brother. On the contrary, try to support her / him in everything. This will win over your parents. Remember, you can change relationships within the family, but only with love and trust, and not swearing and wrangling.

Rule No. 28
Spheres of influence
It's strange why the two men in the house never quarrel over who should hammer a nail into the wall? And why, then, are two women so fond of having a kitchen battle deciding whose gravy recipe is better and whose fries are tastier?

Probably, even the battles of gladiators were not as bloody as the quarrels of the wife and mother-in-law. They say that there can be only one mistress in the house. And when several women apply for this title at once, severe showdowns are almost inevitable.

Some wives, having come to their husband's house, begin zealously to defend the leading role in the household, without first asking the question: is it profitable for me? Is it in my interests to drag the blanket over myself?

So, if you are a wife and have recently started living with your mother-in-law, who is used to establishing her own rules in the house, decide whether you need to challenge the palm. Maybe it's not bad when you are led by a more experienced hostess. After all, if you drop pride, you can learn a lot from your mother-in-law. If it is important for you to become the head of the economy, do not reclaim unfamiliar territory. Just ask politely for it. Say, "I am so grateful that you have taken on such a significant amount of housework, but I would like to be of assistance to you as much as I can." “I hope you will allow me to remove at least some of the obligations and responsibilities from your shoulders” or “I understand that you are used to doing everything your own way. I don’t want to ruin your usual way of doing things, but maybe we will try to make a salad according to my recipe / wash the palace in my way, ”etc.

If you are a mother-in-law, try not to perceive the attempts of your son's wife to take over the household as a kind of personal insult. Nobody doubts your economy and competence. Perhaps they just sincerely want to help you. In addition, almost all young wives want to impress their husbands with their homeliness and ability to maintain the order of the family nest. After all, you will not condemn your daughter-in-law for trying to appear before your son in a more favorable light. If you want to make her a remark about the housework, do not scold her in front of your son. Wait until you are alone and gently, tactfully express your wishes. For example, instead of muttering: “You don't wash the pan like that! Are you armless? You can't do anything! " - Say: "And try to do it this way ... I think it will be easier this way." Surely the daughter-in-law will listen to your experience and will be grateful for your support.

And in general, it is in your interests to maintain friendly relations and use female creative energy for peaceful purposes.

Rule No. 29
Don't let yourself dry
They say the disadvantages are just an extension of the merits. Some families are so caring and attentive that it is almost impossible to escape from this obsessive care. What if your relatives unwittingly infringe on your right to independence?

The life of my friend Tamara has always been strictly regulated. Leaving on business, she called back to her parents every hour: just like that, to say that everything was fine with her. Tom always left the guests no later than nine in the evening. Even if the party was still in full swing, Tamara had a curfew at home: no later than ten o'clock! To all objections like: “Mom, well, I can open the door with my key,” Tamarina’s mother answered: “All the same, my father and I will not sleep until you come. And in general, there is nothing to wander along the dark streets. " By the way, did I mention that Tamara turned forty not so long ago?

Yes, there are families who consider total control a common thing, and thus, unwittingly, infringe on our personal interests and the right to our own space. How can one get rid of these shackles?

First of all, you need to try to stop worrying about your dependence on your family. Change your attitude to what is happening. To begin with, try to perceive the encroachment on your personal territory as a comedy. It's really funny when parents or a spouse protect an adult independent person like some kind of foolish person.

For example, when El's sister came to Tamara and Tamara's parents tried to control her in the same way as they were used to controlling their daughter, she simply considered it a joke and behaved accordingly. For example, going to a nightclub, she said: "Don't worry, I'll come before ten!" - and really came before ten ... in the morning, exactly nine fifteen.

And the constant calls to Ele's mobile with questions: “Where are you? Where now? Where will you be in a minute? " and they didn't piss her off at all. On the contrary, she called back ten minutes after the next “test” call and announced: “I am calling to inform you that I am now in the toilet. And if in the next five minutes I will not answer the phone, it does not mean that the bandits kidnapped me, it means that I followed the call of nature. "

So it is better to defend the right to privacy in jest.

Rule No. 30
And who are the judges ...
A well-known wisdom says: do not judge, that you will not be judged. And if you are being judged? For “wrong” behavior, for mistakes of youth, for “stupid” purchases. It doesn't matter for what! How to defend your interests, being in the role of "discussed and condemned"?

I had a friend who got pregnant at sixteen and decided to have a baby. Let's call her Masha. It is easy to guess that she was condemned and criticized by all relatives and friends. Many years later. The child has grown up. And Masha, in spite of everything, was able to realize herself in the career of a computer designer. Now her life is completely arranged and prosperous. The baby will soon go to first grade. Masha, on the other hand, sits at home and creates at the computer, while receiving very good money. From time to time she meets with young people, goes to the movies and on romantic dates, but she is in no hurry to get married. And despite such a successful career and generally prosperous life, Masha's relatives do not cease to grieve over her "ruined fate", "ruined reputation" and "unforgivable mistake."

“I don’t understand how they can judge me,” Masha wonders, “I’ve got a good job. And who, looking at my little daughter, would turn his tongue to call her my big mistake?

So, if your interests and your peaceful life are threatened by someone's judgment, it's time to take active measures!

First, analyze your own behavior: are you judging others too much? Most situations and emotions work according to the principle: what you sow is what you reap. Criticism and condemnation, "sown" by you in someone's address, as a rule, are returned. So try to be more forgiving towards others. People are imperfect, and this is absolutely normal. The more you turn a blind eye to other people's mistakes and shortcomings, the easier it will be for you to get away with yours.

Second, try to forgive the people who judge you. Let them do it. Don't start judging them for judging you. It will be a vicious circle. Try to understand and forgive.

Let's say your mother doesn't understand how you can date a married man. This, in her opinion, is immoral. Is it worth the effort and nerves to persuade her? And why? Let her think in her own way, while you remain unconvinced. All people are different, and what is absolutely wild for one is in the order of things for another. Therefore, do not waste time reworking your loved ones and defending an idea: you cannot judge. Better to accept the world as it is, and you will see how your life becomes simpler.

Rule No. 31
Hard choice
The story of "Romeo and Juliet" is considered, perhaps, the most romantic and beautiful work in the history of world literature. Nevertheless, few people would like to experience something like this in real life ...

In a situation where your family is at enmity with the family of your / her chosen one / chosen one, the interests of all parties to the conflict suffer! It seems that everyone wants diametrically opposite things at the same time and interests collide. You want to be able to date your lover without hindrance. And he / she most likely wants the same. Your parents want you to break up as soon as possible and "not make the biggest mistake of your life." His / her parents want him / her to find a “better match for themselves”.

In fact, everything is not at all as confusing as it seems at first glance. If you think about it, it becomes clear that all parties to the conflict want the same thing - peace and quiet. The only question is how to achieve this?

Sometimes, in order to reconcile the parents, it is enough to give them the opportunity to get to know better the family of the chosen one. In the event that they are not so much against his family, as against him / her himself, try to understand the reason for such dislike. They don't like something specific? Or they just think in cliches like "oh, mark our word, you will cry with him again." In this case, you can make a deal. Suggest that parents conduct an experiment: ask them for loyalty to your soul mate before fulfilling their prophecy. Say: “Okay, I promise, as soon as there are more tears in our relationship than joy, I’ll leave him immediately. Until then, could you be more loyal to him? "

Of course, after such statements, it is not in your best interest to come and complain to your parents about your beloved. After all, this will confirm their correctness. And if they see you happy and contented all the time, they will probably soon change their attitude towards someone who could make you happy.

CHAPTER 3
Universal ways
However, home and office are not the only two training grounds where the battle for your interests often unfolds. You need to protect your benefits almost everywhere. Here short encyclopedia more specific situations in which almost anyone can find themselves, as well as a list of recommendations for asserting their rights in each specific case.

Rule No. 32
Aunt Zina in the store ...
It would seem that shopping or, as it is fashionable to say now, shopping is one of the most powerful relaxants. How can our interests suffer during such a pleasant pastime?

In fact, there can be a lot of options. Let's consider the most common ones.

1. You are imposed on an unnecessary or too expensive purchase. At the same time, the seller can praise your figure and vigorously prove that this pink blouse with fluff, fur, lace and rhinestones adds style and showiness to you, and that this must be in the wardrobe of every fashionista. Don't give in to flattery! The seller's task is to sell. At any cost. If you throw money away for a thing you don't need, then both your interests and your wallet will suffer. So for all the seller's persuasions, try to smile, nod and say something like: “I absolutely agree. Pink with rhinestones is the hit of the season. But I'm actually looking for regular jeans. "

2. They are trying to sniff you a "bonus". Let's say you came to buy a face lotion or shaving cream. But the seller suddenly begins to assure you that this lotion / cream is ineffective without an additional moisturizing balm / spray / gel of the same company, etc.

Again, do not panic and sweep all the products from this company off the counter (especially if you already have a moisturizer from another company at home). Most of the lines are designed in such a way that funds from one company are perfectly combined with funds from another. If the seller insists, you can answer: "I buy only what my cosmetologist / dermatologist advises me", etc. or "Thank you, but my budget is only for the purchase of one product." Do not be shy. Just one proposal will help you save money and not let yourself be "bred".

3. You came to buy the simplest cell phone (it rings - and okay), and the consultant persuades you to buy a more expensive model. Don't be fooled when they tell you that cheap phones are less reliable. On the contrary: the fewer bells and whistles, the less often the equipment breaks down and the fewer problems with it. You can get off with a phrase like “thank you, but I buy a phone only while mine is being repaired” or “thank you, but I don’t know and don’t want to know what GPRS WAP is and how to use the camera. Any phone that rings and receives calls will work for me. "

Rule No. 33
Full fashion!
For some people, going to a stylist is like playing Russian roulette. You can return a happy, transformed person beyond recognition, or you can be a duped fool.

How to protect your interests in a beauty salon? First of all, you need to try to choose your salon and your master. It is always best to follow the recommendation of friends and acquaintances. Or to a salon about which you have heard many positive reviews.

When you come to an unfamiliar master, do not be silent and do not be shy. After all, he does not yet know who you are by profession, what is your everyday style and what you prefer. Therefore, enlighten him. This will make his job easier.

Do not start your acquaintance with a new master with the words: "Make me something to your taste." It's too risky. It is better to explain in detail what kind of haircut you want, what length of hair you need to leave and in what shade you should be dyed. If you cannot explain in words, bring photos with you and point your finger at the image you like. But be careful. It's one thing when you show your photo of three years ago and say: "Make me the same square as here", or a photo of your girlfriend with the words: "Can I have the same highlighting."

Another thing is when you show a photo of a Hollywood star and ask to copy her style. This is dangerous. Firstly, Hollywood stars spend disproportionately more on their appearance. With such a complex haircut, you may need to maintain and adjust it every month. And besides, who knows how the hair will lie without styling? Indeed, in the photo, the stars are vylochenny and photoshopped, and therefore do not give a real idea. So before copying Sharon Stone's image, ask the master how reasonable it is. Will you be able to style at home on your own, and if not, how will your hair look without styling?

It is also in your best interest to ask in advance how harmful a particular procedure is for hair. How much money will you need for restoration and care, for example, after chemistry or building up artificial strands? In a word, try to get as much information as possible - this is in your interests, in addition, it will help you establish the necessary contact with the master, and if you understand each other, then most likely you will be able to become a regular customer. And this is always beneficial, since regular customers are usually given discounts and they always have time for them, even in the tightest schedule.

Rule No. 34
Fight to rudeness!
Rudeness is the most difficult test for polite person... If you are brought up in the best traditions of tact and correctness, the insolence of another person can easily confuse you. How to protect your dignity and your interests if you are directly rude?

There can be many options and strategies of behavior. But not all are equally successful. The problem is that rudeness, swear words and rudeness usually unsettle, especially people with a good upbringing and a high cultural level, and they involuntarily get lost in front of someone else's insolence, not knowing how to respond.

So rude? In the style of "the fool himself." But honestly, being rude in return doesn't give you much of an advantage. The most that will come of this is the usual squabble. And since you consider yourself an intelligent person, you can hardly win in this squabble of a born boor. Surely there are words in his vocabulary that can incapacitate you. In any case, competing in the vastness of knowledge of obscene language is not the best best idea... So do not be provoked into reciprocal rudeness. It’s not in your best interest.

On the other hand, to politely answer the boorish "why are you hatched, you goat ?!" or "look where you are going, cow!" - also not an easy task! And is it necessary to do curtsies to the one who just offended you? So you shouldn't be scattered in apologies, while trying to speak like a diplomat at a high society reception in the spirit of: "A thousand apologies, I did not in any way want to offend your honor and dignity with an excessively long look from my side." There is also no need to babble humiliatingly: "Sorry, I accidentally pushed you, I am so clumsy." This will only allow the boor to feel his righteousness and superiority.

Where is the exit? The best way to deal with a boor is to have a brilliant sense of humor. Cut it off. Put in place with some taunt or witty phrase.

For example, my friend Olya once got into an accident. Through no fault of her own, a drunken gentleman cut her off, then got out of the car and started yelling: "You fool, who did you sleep with to get your license ?!" To which Olya smiled sweetly and, blinking her eyes like a fool, reached for her notebook: “Don't be envious. Now I'll give you his phone number. He, of course, prefers prettier and slimmer guys, but maybe you are lucky, you will charm him and he will also make you right. "

If you want to finish off the boor and make him feel awkward, find a flaw in his appearance and stare at him. For example, if he has a pimple, look at this pimple without looking up. If you have a double chin, do not take your eyes off it either. Very soon the boor will feel uncomfortable and retreat.

Rule No. 35
Pulp Fiction
Domestic interests are one thing, but protecting your rights from crime is a completely different song! Especially if it is self-defense.

My friend Christina is a real lucky woman. Several years ago, she was lucky to turn her head to one oligarch, and since then she has lived without knowing any troubles or troubles. It would seem that Christina is in complete peace, comfort and safety. She even insured her buttocks, like Jennifer Lopez, for a lump sum. And nevertheless, even that kind of money and such a life is not insurance against encroachment on interests, and most importantly, on property interests.

On her twenty-fifth birthday, Christina received a luxurious Mercedes as a present. And then she went to ride it around the neighborhood. It was slushy, drizzling rain. Very soon, Kristinina's shiny new car began to resemble a tractor spattered with mud. The birthday girl went to the car wash. Getting out of the car, she waited for her Mercedes to be cleaned to a shine.

Less than half an hour later, the car looked like new again. Christina got behind the wheel and was about to drive, when she suddenly noticed that her favorite sunglasses from Versace, which cost more than ten thousand rubles, had disappeared from the glove compartment. What to do? Leave? Write to the book of complaints and suggestions? Call the police? Make a civil arrest? Go and "figure it out"?

Christina did none of this. She just called her oligarch, and forty minutes later he was there. The showdown was really cool. In the best traditions of the films "Brigade" and "Boomer". The oligarch demanded that everyone turn out their pockets. The employees refused and called the familiar "brothers" who provided them with a "roof". This whole action lasted for several hours. After that, the glasses were still found.

The conclusions that can be drawn from this story are simple and logical.

1. Before you bring serious charges against anyone, make sure they are well-founded.

2. Before starting a criminal showdown, decide for yourself, is it worth the candle?

3. If you do not know how to threaten and intimidate people, do not try, otherwise you will look ridiculous. Call a support group: preferably people with diplomatic and acting skills who can bluff beautifully.

4. Before starting the showdown, think over the whole strategy: will you contact the police? Or will you agree peacefully? What will you do if your accusations are simply dismissed, and what will you do if they begin to accuse you in return?

Rule No. 36
Debt good turn deserves another
Debts, debts, debts! Here is a word that describes a sharp clash of financial interests between two people. One seeks to get his money back, the other does not have the slightest desire and ability to give it back.

Where is the exit? It doesn't matter if you owe or owe you. In any case, interests are at stake. Let's look at both situations.

1. If you owe you.

First, collect all the contact information about your debtor. Home, work and mobile phone numbers, address, names of mutual acquaintances. Ask to determine the exact date of the return of the amount of money. In case of delay, charge a small percentage. Do not hesitate to call and remind about the debt, as well as ask why it has not been returned yet.

Most people lose their money through being overly kind and humble. It is inconvenient for them to hurry up the debtor once again. As a result, it seems that they did not really need this money. And since the lender does not raise a fuss and does not rush the person who borrowed the amount, it turns out that there is no point in rushing to return it. Especially irresponsible people may even get the impression that it is not at all necessary to repay the debt.

2. If you should.

The situation is somewhat more complicated. And yet here, too, there is an opportunity to defend your interests as much as possible. For starters, be honest with whoever gave you the money. Don't lie that you will give back at the beginning of the month if you really know that you will not receive your salary until the end of the month.

If giving the entire amount at once is problematic for you, agree on an installment plan. The main thing is not to try to cheat and play around. If you do not have time to return the money on time, contact your lender and honestly explain the situation to him. All attempts to evade - turn off the phone or hide from the city - will only aggravate the situation. They will stop trusting you and, possibly, worsen the conditions on which you will have to give money in the future. Is it in your best interest?

Rule No. 37
The taming of Hippocrates
Doctors take the Hippocratic Oath. And yet this does not prevent them from acting against our interests from time to time.

A year ago I took a driving course. Towards the end of the training, I suddenly noticed that it became uncomfortable for me to walk. The foot of the left leg seemed to be swollen, and a metal ball seemed to be rolling in the heel. At first I did not pay attention to it, but when the sore leg stopped getting into my boots, I sounded the alarm and went to the surgeon in a respectable paid clinic. As soon as he looked at my foot, he confidently declared:

- No doubt! It's an Achilles tendon cyst! Arose from overload. There's nothing you can do about it.

- That is how it is? I asked. - Are you going to treat me at all? How about physiotherapy, elastic bandages, surgery ...

- What other operation ?! The tendon cannot be removed. But do not be discouraged, men do not pay such attention.

- Yes, what does it have to do with men! I exploded. - You understand that it bothers me! I can't walk! None of my shoes fit me!

- The cyst cannot shrink or disappear, - the doctor shrugged his shoulders, - it can only grow. Okay ... I'll try to come up with an effective prevention for you.

And he wrote me some crazy expensive orthopedic golfs (which, as it turned out later, were intended for patients with varicose veins and which could be ordered through the company with which the same surgeon collaborated) and a bunch of quite expensive crap.

Fortunately, I didn’t have too much money at the time, and I decided that I would wait a little with treatment. And what would you think? After a month, I found that all the unpleasant sensations had passed and I was walking absolutely normally. It can't be, I thought, because the doctor said that it cannot be treated at all, how could a cyst go away by itself? I spared no money and went to another doctor:

“You must have been misdiagnosed. It was bursitis. These things usually go away on their own.

After that, I paid with particular pleasure for the third visit, this time to the first doctor: "Doc, you diagnosed me with a cyst and said it was incurable." - "Yes, I remember you." “Okay, then take another look at my leg and think carefully, where could the inoperable cyst go? Now, shove yourself your diploma and your orthopedic knee-highs ... ”However, I didn't become rude, too pleased that everything was fine with my health.

The takeaways from this story are simple.

1. The more serious the diagnosis, the more serious the argumentation should be. Test results, ultrasound, x-rays, etc. If a doctor diagnoses you just by looking at you, you should doubt the veracity of his words.

2. One head is good, but two are better. Try to collect as many professional opinions as possible before agreeing to an expensive treatment.

3. Don't panic ahead of time.

And remember that doctors are just people and they also have the right to make mistakes. It is in your best interest not to save money or time on your health, but to approach this from the standpoint of common sense, and not absurd alarmism.

Rule No. 38
Learning is light
Perhaps the first place where adult life really begins and the need to defend one's benefits and rights in an adult way is a university. How to survive and thrive if you are still a student at the university?

There are several types of critical situations in which the student simply has to stand up for himself. Let's take a look at the most common ones.

1. The teacher flips you on the exam, because he wants to get you a bribe or some kind of sexual advance.

Corruption was and is one of the most serious problems. If you are asked for money for the exam, try to fix it somehow. Dictaphone recording is ideal. If you do not want to mess with a greedy teacher and enter into a tedious showdown, then you have the right to ask for a referral from the dean's office and pass this exam to any teacher from this department.

As for the sexually preoccupied teachers, they have authority.

For example, not so long ago, a friend of mine from the Faculty of Management was harassed. She was literally told: "Sex in exchange for an excellent mark - otherwise you will fly off the course." The student was not taken aback. She persuaded all her friends from the course, and the next day lovely students began to frequent the office of the lascivious teacher:

- Professor, hello, I heard that you can easily get an "excellent" for sex. I would not mind, otherwise there is no time to teach tickets. And Ninka Petrova also asked her to write to you.

The girls continued to crowd around the teacher's office, the teacher blushed, turned pale and bleated something inarticulate. In the end, the rumor spread so much that he was forced to resign. By the way, that student is now entering graduate school herself and plans to become the most honest examiner in the history of the university.

2. If you are combining study and work, try not to hide it from your teachers.

Of course, if you work as a waiter in a strip club, you shouldn't tell that you have not prepared for the seminar due to the influx of alcoholic clients at night. But if you work on future profession, it is in your interests to trump this in every possible way.

Usually for those who seek to simultaneously receive not only theoretical knowledge but also practical skills, substantial indulgences are made in the study. So down with false modesty! It is not beneficial to you!

Rule No. 39
Voluntary-forced labor
Historically, we strive to help our friends always and in everything. Selfless and selfless.

Do we think about our interests, helping Tanya weed hectares of potatoes or meeting Leshka at five in the morning from the airport? Hardly…

There is really nothing wrong with helping a friend. And of course, it is perfectly natural for all of us to do this unselfishly. Most normal friends are guided by a very reasonable principle: you are for me - I am for you. You will help me to harvest the red currant, I will help you with moving to a new apartment. It is unlikely that your interests somehow suffer if you help a reliable, trusted person who himself has come to your rescue more than once. But there are a number of cases when "friendly mutual assistance" turns into unilateral exploitation. This is where you have to keep your ears open!

Here are some classic real life examples.

1. Your friend invites you to help marinate cucumbers or make jam. After you have done the lion's share of the work, she shows you off without a hint of “thank you” or, even worse, asks: “Do you want to try what I did? Then can you buy a couple of jars of cucumbers from me? "

Of course, dispossession of the mistress is not humane. But after working all day in a hot kitchen, you deserve at least one jar of what happened with your joint efforts. To get out of an awkward situation, joke: “Will you pay me for my work? I propose barter: every hour of my work is estimated in a liter jar of cucumbers! "

2. A divorced friend asks you to sit with the children while she goes on a date: “I need to arrange my personal life! The child needs a father! " Everything would be fine, and it will not be difficult to agree to help her out a couple of times. It's another matter if a friend's stormy personal life is in full swing, and yours is idle at this time, because every weekend you work as a volunteer nurse.

Feel free to refuse! As much as you feel sorry for the children growing up without a father, do not let yourself be exploited. Otherwise, you risk being left without a family at all. To another enthusiastic request of a friend: “I have a date again! Will you help out? " - just answer: “Imagine, I also have a date - that's a coincidence! Or maybe you invite your boyfriend home? Since you want to make him a potential father of your children, it’s not bad for them to finally get to know each other. ”

Rule No. 40
Werewolves in uniform
There are legends, fables and anecdotes about how to communicate with traffic cops. Unfortunately, many of the current traffic cops are real professionals in terms of infringing on our interests, therefore, they need to be resisted at the highest level.

For some reason, many people still experience instinctive fear when faced with law enforcement officers. And they strive to get rid of them as soon as possible, imperceptibly slipping in a crumpled bill.

For example, once my uncle, who was known as a notorious racer, was slowed down when he was driving through the village. It should be noted that the road was disgusting, and therefore my uncle was driving only 70 km / h. Before the traffic cop had time to open his mouth, his uncle thrust a hundred-ruble bill into his open window.

- Thank you, bon voyage, - the happy guard exhaled in surprise, and the uncle jerked off.

- Andryukh, what are you doing ?! - was surprised. - You exceeded by only 10 km / h (!) - this is not even a fine! For this, they can give you a maximum verbal warning.

- Yes, it hurts me to listen to his warnings! Received a hundred rubles as a gift - and okay.

So many people adhere to the same principles: why waste time and dirty paper when you can pay. One friend of mine got used to pushing five hundred rubles through an open window every time she was slowed down, without even having time to find out whether she had violated anything, or was stopped just to check her documents. It is unlikely that our material interests will flourish from such a policy. Not to mention the fact that we ourselves contribute to the development of corruption "on the roads." Here are simple rules for communicating with traffic cops that will help you protect your rights and interests.

1. Always keep traffic regulations and a small booklet with fines in the glove compartment. If they are trying to present you with some kind of "leftist" accusation, do not hesitate to get the traffic rules and good-naturedly ask the inspector: "Excuse me, but could you show me what specific rule I have violated so that I know for the future?" And if they are trying to bribe you, first look at what a fine is due for this, and if the official fine is less than the amount for which you are being promoted, politely ask to write you a penalty receipt.

2. If the traffic cop tries to accuse you unfairly, do not give up ahead of time. For example, if he claims that you crossed a double line, and you did not see the markings due to snow, etc., get your mobile and take a picture of the location where the violation occurred. In court, this can serve as direct evidence of your innocence. True, it will hardly come to court. Traffic cops rarely continue to stand their ground when they see that in front of them is a person who knows his rights and is not afraid to stand up for them.

Rule No. 41
Who want to be a millionaire
Probably, everyone is familiar with the expression: "Fear the Danians who bring gifts." But not everyone takes it personally. Meanwhile, a lot of people and organizations use human greed, naivety and love for freebies to cheat.

Hundreds of lotteries, contests, sweepstakes, mobile casinos and quizzes challenge you to become a millionaire, win a super car right now. To do this, you just need to send an SMS or pay mere pennies ... And, oddly enough, people really send an SMS and pay, seriously believing that they have a chance to win the promised mythical prize ... Unfortunately, participation in such contests is not in your interests! Firstly, you are almost guaranteed to lose time and money, and secondly, you risk becoming addicted.

Here is a simple psychological mechanism that has been working for more than one hundred years and allows you to manipulate a person, turning him into a slave of gambling.

First, curiosity awakens in you: "I wonder what kind of joke this is." Then - excitement: "What if I succeed?" Then greed: "I want to get a million by sending just a few text messages at three dollars each!" Then fear: “What if I don’t win, and all the text messages sent were a waste of money? Well, I do not! I will not admit it! I'll send a couple dozen more to win for sure! " So people are bred for very decent money. Don't be naive. It's not in your best interest. It's good to believe in fairy tales only if you create your own fairy tale. Free cheese only comes in a mousetrap.

Well, if in your apartment the long-awaited call still rings and you are informed that you have won a certain prize, be careful. Especially if you are asked to pay for this prize. By law, you may be required to pay no more than 13% of the value of the prize (taxes) for your winnings. Any additional requirements are a clear deception that infringes on your interests.

Rule No. 42
Light stroke of the pen
These days, being legally literate is very, very profitable. Indeed, today almost each of us has to deal with all kinds of papers, documents, contracts. However, not everyone is free to navigate the laws. How can you defend your legal interests?

The first thing that you must learn once and for all: do not sign a single paper without thoroughly studying it.

For example, today very many firms hire employees not according to the work book, but by signing a contract. So, when entering a new job, many people have to deal with the signing of papers. Don't be overly gullible. Please read the terms of employment carefully. If the agreement is drawn up so intricately that you can hardly delve into its meaning on your own, do not rush to put your signature. Ask for time to study the contract. Take a copy to your home. Consult a lawyer you know. Better to play it safe once again than to be a fool. So go ahead. Don't be afraid to sound stupid or meticulous. If you have any questions while reading the contract, do not hesitate to ask them. And do not be afraid that they may seem stupid to someone. You will show yourself really stupid only if you sign some nonsense unfavorable for you with a smart look.

The more pressure is put on you, the more actively they convince you in the spirit of: “Why read there ?! Sign up and that's it! You can't go wrong! " - the more likely it is that you should not rush. Especially if they are trying to intimidate you: “Your first and last chance. Now you will not sign, then no one will offer! " Don't listen and don't be manipulated.

If a person or a company has nothing to hide, they will not mind your thoughts and even your consultation with a lawyer. Most contracts include a trade secret clause. If in doubt, ask: "Can I consult and show the contract to my lawyer." If they answer you: "Of course", then most likely the contract is "clean". If they start ranting about trade secrets, offer to formalize the powers of your lawyer to represent your interests. The more resistance you meet, the more likely it is that these people are not worth dealing with.

Rule No. 43
The minority has the right ...
In the rule on discrimination, we missed another very important and piquant point: discrimination based on sexual orientation. This is a very slippery topic, which many still consider as shameful and prefer to remain silent.

And yet, if we discard hypocrisy, the question inevitably arises: how to protect their interests for representatives of sexual minorities? Should I publicly declare my orientation? Or is it better to hide the "dubious, compromising" facts of your biography? Although most psychologists and popular books teach a person to “be yourself, accept yourself as you are, and not be ashamed of it,” practice often proves the opposite.

It is one thing to accept yourself as you are and live in harmony with yourself and the world around you; it is another thing to come to work with plucked eyebrows, streaked hair and draw out words in a mannered manner. No, homosexuality is not a vice! In a creative environment and in such professions as a stylist, model, creator, unconventional orientation even plays into the hands of most men. Many women prefer to have their hair cut by the "blue" stylists, because they combine a man's shell - and their compliments are perceived precisely as a man's compliments - and a woman's passion for fashion, shopping and personal care.

But if it’s not a show business career, but, say, a job at a school or law firm, your orientation can do you a disservice. You may not be taken seriously and ignored when it comes to career promotions and pay hikes. And the saddest thing is that it will be very difficult to prove the unfairness of the situation.

Therefore, no matter how difficult it may be for you, try to keep your sexual preferences secret. It is in your best interest to make the most favorable impression on your bosses and partners, and therefore try to behave as expected of you. Otherwise, do not be surprised at someone else's bias. Unfortunately on this stage development of society, it is easier to adjust and adapt to the existing system than to defend their sexual freedom.

Rule No. 44
Life on credit
V last years making an expensive purchase has become much easier. No matter what store you look at, you can get a loan everywhere and for everything. It would seem that this is just a fairy tale! You no longer need to spend months and years trying to save up the required amount.

I took out a loan - and order! Enjoy your new car now, not in five years, when you finally collect the required amount.

Is it just in your interests? At first glance, a loan is an excellent solution to all material problems. But if you take a closer look, it turns out that many problems are just beginning with a loan.

We will not try to impose our opinion on you. If you are obligated, responsible and have a good stable income, but at the same time do not know how to save money, a good loan on favorable terms will really be beneficial to you and will benefit you. You can safely take goods, just to begin with, choose the bank as carefully as possible, which provides the required amount on optimal conditions! And forward. Good luck. But there are people for whom it is absolutely not profitable to take out a loan. And that's why.

1. Credit makes you feel the burden of responsibility. You start working not for yourself and for your own good, but for credit. You are no longer guided by the desire to succeed and get rich, but rather by the fear: “What if I don’t pay off the loan ?!” This is a bad incentive. Most people have a sharp decline in performance and all desire disappears. Why work hard, make money, if in the end you still have to give it to the bank?

2. Many people take out a loan in euphoria, which disappears when they realize how much they will overpay for a particular product.

3. Credit can be extremely harmful to the nervous system, especially if you are an impressionable person. Should you forget or fail to make your monthly payment on time, banks start calling you several times a day, sometimes it comes to intimidation and stories about what huge fines await you. The bank is not a friend with whom you can negotiate and to whom you can explain: “Hey, the salary was delayed at work, let's give it back next week”.

So before you take out a loan, carefully weigh everything and understand whether it is really in your best interests or are you just being seduced by loud advertising slogans?

Rule No. 45
Life is high!
Ah, resorts, resorts! On vacation, without exception, all people become benevolent and peaceful, which is what some unscrupulous travel agencies use to infringe on the interests of vacationers.

My friend Katya is a real girl with character. She knows how to stand up for herself, moreover, she does it so intelligently and unobtrusively that it never occurs to anyone to think badly of her. But one day, she also found herself in a not very pleasant situation.

After spending a couple of weeks in Turkey with her husband and son, Katya checked all the accounts. Everything was paid except for the ice cream checks. The hotel had a system according to which guests could order ice cream in unlimited quantities, and pay for the order only after checking out of the hotel, immediately before departure. Not wanting to rush, Katya paid in advance the six dollars that their family owed for the ice cream. And on the day of discharge they were presented with a surprise!

- Sorry, - said the porter, - I can't write you out - you didn't pay for the ice cream.

- How did you not pay? - Katya was surprised, - paid, and the day before yesterday. Look in your computer.

- I look, and here is information that you have not paid the ten dollars bill.

- Firstly, my bill was five dollars, and secondly, I paid. Check receipts for that date.

The Turkish manager started to break the comedy. Pretend not to understand English, then talk to someone for a long time mobile phone, then slowly go through the receipts. Katya's husband looked at his watch anxiously; their bus to the airport was supposed to leave in five minutes.

- Come on, Katyusha, let's give them these ten dollars. Perhaps we will not become poorer.

For a second, Katya almost succumbed to the temptation to give up everything, but, fortunately, decided to get her way. She argued with the manager for a long time, after which she simply climbed over the registration counter and, despite the indignant cries of the Turk, found her receipt.

This story is very revealing and instructive. Abroad on vacation, you can easily wind up an account that has come from nowhere. Do not be lazy to carefully check all the numbers and try to defend your rights. Otherwise, the memories of the rest can be overshadowed by unpleasant impressions.

Rule No. 46
Who is worse: a guest or a Tatar?
They say an uninvited guest is worse than a Tatar. Probably, even the most hospitable host has at least once in his life been in a situation when the visits of friends and acquaintances were not at all the topic ...

And what to do with unexpected guests, so that, on the one hand, do not allow them to disrupt your plans, and on the other hand, do not be branded as an unsociable priest who is not happy about anyone?

The biggest challenge is intruders. If they show up to you out of the blue, you still have a choice. You can postpone your business in order to devote some time to visitors. If friends come late at night and you have an early rise, you can try to politely explain the situation. Say something like, “Glad to see you guys. It’s a pity you’re at the wrong time. I was just about to go to bed. Tomorrow morning early in the morning is a very important event. Let's have a cup of tea and hang up. " Thus, on the one hand, you will not drive your friends away, and on the other hand, you will make it clear that you will not be able to stay too long today.

If the guests arrived in the afternoon, and you have a lot of things to do, you can tactfully and naturally send them out by saying: "Oh, hello, and I was just about to leave." Then leave the house together and walk to the stop, and then disperse. In this case, you will be able to return home and calmly go about your business.

Of course, getting rid of guests is not the most pleasant thing. This is a pretty awkward situation, so the best thing you can do is anticipate and prevent it. For example, once in a conversation with friends, mention that you can't stand unexpected guests and generally don't like surprises. Of course, you need to say this not when unexpected guests have already arrived, but somehow by chance, in between times.

And further! If your friends know that you are a busy person with an unpredictable work schedule and that you are not always at home, they will naturally make the habit of calling before they pay a visit. Especially if they get into the situation of “kissing the closed door” several times.

Rule No. 47
Who goes to visit in the morning, he acts wisely
The opposite situation is when you are acting as a guest. Winnie the Pooh believed that visiting was a good thing. We think that visiting is a delicate, delicate occupation that requires special moral preparation.

The super task of any trip to visit is to make such a visit so that it does not become the last in the history of communication with this host. Yes, a good guest is invited again and again. For a good guest, the doors of the house are always open. So it's in your best interest to be a good guest. What does it take to earn this honorary title?

1. Try not to visit empty-handed. If you are visiting close friends, bring a jar of homemade cucumbers or preserves with you as a present. They will be pleased. In addition, it is polite to ask close friends: "Hey, do you need to buy something on the way to the store?" If you are visiting your boss or business partner, you can bring a gift bottle of good cognac. Let it be a purely symbolic gesture.

2. It used to be that it was polite for the owners to give flowers. Now it has become a somewhat banal, duty gesture. The solution can be a flower in a pot, such as violets or a small palm tree. It will grow and delight the owner, reminding of a pleasant evening for many years.

3. Do not hesitate to ask the owner again what you do not understand. Whether to take off your shoes when entering the room, where to wash your hands, what kind of towel to wipe, etc. This will save you from embarrassment. Because every house has its own rules, ignorance of them can put you in an awkward situation.

4. They say a good guest is one who knows when to leave. Know when to stop, do not sit too long. Perhaps the owners also want to take a break from people. Only if you are actively and sincerely begged to stay on your "well, perhaps I must go", stay another half hour.

Rule No. 48
Friendly revelations
Why do people hang out with their friends? Do you think it’s just like that? Not at all. Friendly communication with people is also aimed at satisfying certain interests.

What interests can we pursue by communicating with trusted comrades and faithful friends? In fact, very different!

So, for example, my friend Anya has been friends with Kira since her school years. Kira was a talker. However, Anya, like no one else, knew how to accept people with all their advantages and disadvantages. Years passed, their friendship continued. But one day, Anya realized that this relationship did not give her much.

This is how it turned out. They met Kira at their favorite cafe. Anya literally could not find a place for herself: she had a lot of news for her friend (she met the man of her dreams and got a promotion at work).

- Hey. How are you? - Anya asked, to which Kira burst into an hour and a half monologue about her difficult life.

It turned out that Kirina's life is terrible. The head-bitch has already got her with her claims, her husband is unkind, and she is going to threaten him with a divorce, however, she has not yet decided completely, after all, they have been together for many years ... and in GUM there appeared shoes that Kira had long dreamed of, but money, as always, no, because Kirin "son-dunce" lost his satchel and now have to fork out for a new one.

In a word, by the end of the monologue, Anya was already dozing. When they dispersed, she realized that she did not give her news, but only listened to Kirina's complaints and assented. With surprise, Anya realized that according to this scheme, their friendship has been built for many years. These relationships do not give her anything, which means why continue them? So you think, and whether this friendship is in your interests.

Perhaps such a formulation of questions will seem cynical to you, but we do not mean the mercantile side of relations and the principle of "being friends only with useful people." It's just in your interests to communicate with those who can give you something: mutual understanding, common interests, new knowledge, willingness to listen and advise something. If friendship and communication do not give you any positive emotions, then why waste time on them?

Rule No. 49
Work on bugs
Of course, in reality, protecting your interests is not as easy as it might seem from our rules. We gave you some good ideas and different options for getting out of difficult situations. But this is not enough.

If you really want to become the person who can stand up for yourself, keep exercising and working on yourself every day. How can you train skills such as knowing your own worth, the ability to defend your rights, the ability to fight for your benefits, etc.?

1. Hang up a sign in a prominent place: “I am a person who knows his own worth. I deserve all the best and I know how to achieve it. " Repeat these words to yourself and out loud in front of the mirror until you make them your firm conviction and credo.

2. Learn to analyze what is in your best interest and what is not. Before making a decision, always write down all the pros and cons, and only then draw a conclusion. Thus, you will learn to fight for what you really need, and not for everything.

3. Think of all the situations in the past when you passed and did not fight for your rights. Imagine what you would do if you were in the same situations now. Enjoy these thoughts. You are now a completely new person, you can handle everything.

4. Try to surround yourself with people who know their worth and know how to fight for their interests. They say to live with wolves - howl like a wolf. Let these people become your teachers and mentors.

The most important thing is to believe in yourself. If you admire how someone of your acquaintances knows how to stand up for themselves, know that this is a sure sign that you, too, have similar abilities. You just haven't allowed them to manifest yet. Stop hiding who you are. You are a strong personality! So, it's time to inform the whole world about it with your actions!

CONCLUSION

So, you have learned all 49 rules for protecting your interests. Congratulations! Whether you will use them in your daily life is, of course, up to you to decide. Perhaps some of our advice seemed cynical or selfish. We will not try to convince you. But still, we dare to point out: life always cares about those who care about themselves!

Of course, it would be great if each person was assigned their own “advocate for the protection of interests,” someone kind, powerful and strong in spirit, who would stand up for you whenever your interests suffer. It would be great if this someone could open their mouth instead of you and say:

- Yes, you finally raise her salary!

- Yes, stop loading my client with nonsense!

But, unfortunately, and maybe fortunately, no one can stand up for you except yourself. Therefore, stop waiting for your relatives, husbands, wives, bosses, fathers or children to come to your defense.

If you love yourself, if you consider yourself a full-fledged person, worthy of happiness and all kinds of benefits, do not consider it shameful for yourself to fight for these benefits. For our part, we wish that the transformation from a reliable person into a born leader who always gets what he wants from life would be easy and pleasant for you. And you will see how great it is to feel like a significant person, a person who has a choice, a person who knows his own worth and is not afraid to admit it!

September

Open webinar
"Caution: conflict!"

An even more difficult question is how to defend your personal interests in a fight with your parents, husbands, children and other family members. After all, if you have not achieved what you want at work, you can always change jobs. And if you can't defend your interests in the family in any way? Is this a reason to change your family? Far from it! This is a reason to change tactics and adhere to the following rules.

Rule No. 17Learn to say the word "no"

Such a simple and at the same time such a complex word "no". Oh, how difficult it is sometimes to refuse our loved ones and relatives! And yet there are situations when it is necessary to do this!

Reliability, of course, is not a flaw, but a quality that makes life much more difficult. To agree to always and with everyone, to help everyone in everything - this is how most of us were brought up from early childhood. Because it is "good", it is "correct" and "polite."

Personally, I still cannot forget how my dad told me that all people need to be helped. And this attitude persists for many years. But sooner or later, she may start working against you. Spending all your time, strength, nerves and health to help others, you leave no space for yourself. You are ready to help your sister write a diploma, you rush headlong to meet your husband from the airport, canceling all your business, on weekends, instead of a well-deserved rest, you go to your parents' dacha to weed potatoes. After all, these are your parents! You MUST take care of them!

But who will take care of you if you yourself do not want to do it? Instead, you become more and more bogged down in someone else's life and solving other people's problems. Is it in your best interest? Stop! It's time to think about yourself. And for this you need to learn to say "no" without fear of offending the person.

How can this be done? First, don't agree right away. If you are asked for something, take time out and say, “Okay, I'll think about how I can help you. If I can do something for you, I will let you know. " Thus, you can really weigh everything and decide whether you should get involved in this business or not?

The second way is thorough motivation. A loved one will never be offended by your refusal if you explain it. For example, say: “Unfortunately, I cannot meet you at the airport, because my car is parked at the service.”

You can also use the "no, but" technique. For example, if your sister asks you to write a term book or a diploma for her, you can calmly tell her: "No, I will not write anything for you, but I can tell you good links on the Internet and useful literature on your topic." Thus, you do not seem to refuse categorically to help, but at the same time you do not take on unnecessary responsibility, and also do not shoulder someone else's work on your shoulders.

Showdowns and power sharing can happen in any family. Arguments about who's boss are often tiresome and pointless. On the other hand, being silent and agreeing with everything that your husband / mother / mother-in-law / mother-in-law or another family member who has taken the position of commander-in-law says is also pretty silly.

Here are some situations in which you have the right to vote, and you must use it to protect your family interests.

1. Housing issue! If your relatives decide to move in / disperse / sell / buy or privatize an apartment, be sure to take an active part in the discussions on this topic!

Of course, you need to enter someone else's position, but you must not forget about yourself! Do not let anyone register on your living space without your permission.

Of course, there are situations when it seems to you that it is easier to give up, not spoil relations in the family and allow relatives to do whatever they want with the apartment. This is very short-sighted! You can only not fight for your apartment rights if you have enough money to buy yourself another apartment.

Otherwise, defend your housing interests to the last, otherwise at one fine moment your husband's daughter from his first marriage or his wife's second cousin with a litter of cats may move in to you.

2. Another situation in which it is impossible to remain silent, when the situation in the family does not suit you categorically and you are experiencing long-term worries about this.

For example, my friend Natasha has been a “home hostage” for a long time. On her shoulders lay absolutely all household issues and responsibilities - from preparing dinner for a family of five to cleaning, shopping and paying for utilities.

For almost three years she was torn to pieces, trying to have time to pay for the light, buy minced meat and fry cutlets in record time, while her husband watched football on NTV-plus, her mother knitted a hundred and twenty-fifth pair of socks, and her father fiddled with with his old "penny".

Once Natasha's patience ran out. “That's it, I've had enough! She yelled. "Either you start helping me around the house, or I leave, look for another servant!" The family looked at each other in surprise. “Yes, we would have helped you long ago,” the mother said in surprise, “we didn’t know… you were silent. And we deliberately did not climb to you, we thought that the economy is your element, it will be unpleasant for you if we invade your territory. "

I guess no comments are required. Almost any problem in a family can be resolved in the interests of all its members, but for this it is necessary to stop silently sulking at each other and sit down at the negotiating table.

Rule No. 19Altar of motherhood

Often the youngest members of a family become the commander. How to prevent your child from manipulating you? How to avoid childish dictatorship? And is it possible to defend your interests in an unequal battle with your baby?

It would seem, who could be nicer and more helpless than your beloved crumbs? Such a good obedient child, you think about him, but he himself needs to be protected from everything! And yet this is not entirely true. In fact, children can often turn into tyrants and manipulators.

You cannot let the child control you or sit on your neck. And children's manipulations are most often intuitive, which is why it is so easy to succumb to them. “Mom, buy me this car or I won’t love you”, “Dad, if you don’t take me to ride the hill, I won’t have lunch!”. And sometimes the children do not even need to say anything, it is enough to burst into tears - and the parents, frightened to death, are ready for any concessions and conditions, if only the baby calms down.

This should not be allowed. If the child learns that toys / sweets / the opportunity not to go to kindergarten can be obtained from you with tears and tantrums, he will repeat this trick over and over again. It's not in your best interest, so take the initiative. You must dictate the terms.

Explain clearly and intelligibly to the child what he must do to make his request or desire come true. For example, say, “We’ll go for a slide if you sing well. As soon as you eat this plate of borscht, we'll get dressed and go for a walk. " Try to avoid abstract formulations: it is difficult for the child to understand, much less to execute.

For example, words like "behave yourself" are more likely to confuse a toddler. Good - how's that? Speak specifically: “don't tear the book” or “don't make a noise”, “don't fight”. An even better option is if you can formulate your wish for the child without resorting to the negative particle "not". That is, instead of shouting: "Do not wipe your dirty hands on your clothes!" - it is better to calmly explain: "Take this red towel and dry your hands with it." So you will achieve much better results than if you always follow your child's lead.

Rule No. 20If the husband ate pears

A loved one is sacred. Sometimes we are so absorbed in our feelings that we do not notice how our own spouses begin to infringe on our interests. How to find a compromise between love and your benefits?

My friend Maxim is a young man with an amazing appearance, worked as a computer designer for five years, while living in a civil marriage with a pretty flight attendant Olesya and was very happy with life, until one day his textured figure was noticed by a scooter of an advertising agency.

Maxim was offered to star in a commercial, and for the sake of laughter he agreed, especially since they promised good money for this. Unfortunately, according to the script, Maxim had to kiss the blonde model, which, of course, could not please his wife Olesya. But it was too late to retreat. The video was filmed, then aired. And new offers fell on Max. The only bad thing was that Olesya, who had previously seemed a tactful and understanding girl, suddenly turned into a jealous shrew. She rolled scene after scene. At first, she forbade Maxim to act in love scenes, and he agreed. Then she began to insist that he should not take part in the videos at all, where girls are involved. Then she demanded not to show her naked torso. In the end, she announced that she would accompany him on the set, and then she asked to leave this business altogether, refusing lucrative offers ...

If your other half puts you in the same uncomfortable conditions, infringing on your rights more and more, do not tolerate and do not remain silent, hoping that another concession on your part will finally put an end to constant conflicts. Surely you have heard the expression: "Give her a finger - she will bite off her arm to the elbow." This is exactly the case. Sit down at the negotiating table. Try to find a compromise. Your task is to understand what exactly in your work / hobbies / friends / lifestyle does not suit your half? You need to find and neutralize the TRUE cause of her / his experience. In the end, feel free to ask for something in return. If you are asked to give up something, ask what will you get for it, or, in other words, in favor of what do you give up your beliefs?

For example, say: "Okay, I will no longer chat with Lenka about clothes for three hours, but in return I want you not to go fishing on Saturday nights." Or vice versa: "Let me not give up my hobby: belly dancing, and for that I will allow you to come to my classes or do aikido."

Rule No. 21Language aggravation

Politeness is great! If you adhere to the correct tone in communicating with your loved ones and relatives, you can only be praised and envied for your tolerance. And yet there are situations where causticity within reasonable limits will play into your hands.

Of course, it is good if you can agree on everything peacefully with your relatives and you do not have the need to joke at them or sarcastically parry some of their statements. But if close people do not understand the human language, you have to resort to literal metaphors.

Sometimes it is very difficult to respond tactfully to tactlessness. As in the famous book "The Diary of Bridget Jones", where the main character was constantly ridiculed and insulted by her mother and her friends about the fact that she was "still not married."

For years my friend Asya patiently and stoically endured the inquiries of her relatives about when she and her husband would finally have children. Asya had some health problems. She was undergoing treatment for infertility, and the constant interrogation with addiction did not in the best way affect her nervous system. Once, at a large family feast, the question of Asya's motherhood was once again raised. Relatives discussed and discussed intimate problems with their spouse. Finally Ashin's uncle asked:

- Well, As, it's not time for us to open champagne there on the occasion of the addition to your family, or will you work idle for a couple of years?

Asya could not stand such tactlessness:

- Well, what are you, Uncle Lesch, we will open champagne when your book is published. Here, in my opinion, is a really worthy occasion. By the way, when will this happen? Hopefully one of these days? Or will you work in vain for another couple of years?

Uncle Lesha blushed like cancer, and the whole family burst out laughing. The fact is that Uncle Lesha considered himself a poet. Every evening for the past three years, he has retired to his office and created. Unclaimed yet. No one was in a hurry to publish his poems. Ashin's attack might not have been delicate, but at least she was finally left alone with tactless questioning.

So I advise you to know when you should not stand on ceremony and swallow offensive words. Sometimes it's worth making a joke in response to put the person in their place. If this is a really close person to you, he will forgive your sarcasm. But it will immediately become clear to him what it is like to be under fire from other people's ridicule.

Rule No. 22Who said meow?

Some people are naturally great at standing up for themselves and their interests.

They usually say about such people: don't put a finger in their mouths. They until blue in the face will prove their case and seek their conditions by all available means.

Here are the lucky ones! Or maybe they, such stubborn, decisive individuals, do not need this book? Unfortunately, many people, who are accustomed to firmly defending their position, often fall into the trap of subtle manipulators and, without noticing it, begin to implement someone else's mindset or defend other people's interests. How does this happen? Very simple!

So, for example, my friend Luda was always distinguished by an iron character: strong-willed and decisive, she always clearly defined her goals and went ahead of them. On a beautiful summer day, Luda decided that she wanted to marry a wealthy foreigner. And from that moment on, all her ebullient energy was directed towards the search and conquest of the overseas prince. However, months passed, and the goal was still not subdued. Luda looked through many questionnaires, communicated with crowds of applicants, but the one and only one still could not be found. Either the candidate for husbands turned out to be not rich enough, then the country in which he lived was too far from Russia, then the shade of his eyes was not the same, then he simply “didn’t like it”. This epic with grooms lasted for several years. And all this time Lyuda wondered why this time her goal did not want to be realized? Isn't she trying hard enough? Doesn't he make little effort?

And then one day she was overtaken by an epiphany! Yes, she does not want to get married abroad! I never wanted to and hardly ever wants to! It's just not in her best interest! Firstly, she loves Moscow and does not want to leave her native city. Secondly, here she has an excellent job: she is a creator in a prestigious advertising agency, and in a foreign country she will not be able to work without knowing the language. And Russian men are much closer to her in spirit and mentality.

Realizing this, Luda laughed. She just doesn't want to go anywhere. It is not profitable for her! So why did she spend so much effort on achieving this “unprofitable” goal? The key to the solution is Lyuda's mother. A woman with a bulldog grip and a fox mind. Anna Ivanovna herself always dreamed of getting married abroad, but it did not work out. I had to convince my daughter that abroad "real life", but here - so, miserable vegetation. And now Luda spent a lot of time realizing someone else's dream.

If for a long time you cannot achieve your goal or defend your interests, take a closer look at the situation and ask yourself: whose interests am I really defending?

Rule No. 23Profession: translator

How flattering when people turn to you for advice! So, your opinion is really appreciated! And if you are asked to help resolve the conflict, you can even consider yourself a highly qualified diplomat!

But is it only so profitable - to work as a translator and mediator in resolving intra-family conflicts? Once my sister had a fight with her boyfriend:

- I can't stand it! He doesn't understand me! As if he doesn't hear what I'm saying to him! After all, I have explained a hundred times what I want from the relationship, but he ... no, I've had enough! We part - and that's the end of it.

I nodded and agreed sympathetically, although deep down, of course, I was sorry that such a beautiful and strong couple would break up. And a couple of days after this conversation, I accidentally met my sister's ex-boyfriend. He was clearly glad to see me:

- Listen, well, maybe at least you can explain to me what's going on? I don't understand what she wants! Talk to her, otherwise I call her, but she does not answer.

I felt like a diplomatic genius and a peacemaker. How great it is to act as a mediator and reconcile two loving people, I thought, now they will come together thanks to me, and in a couple of years I will be their bridesmaid at their wedding, I will make touching toasts and cry sentimentally.

However, my naive dreams were not destined to come true. I really had to shed a tear when I quarreled with my sister:

- Oh, you support him ?! She yelled at me. - And he is generally good! Look, he ran to tell my own sister! Well, I'll show him Kuzka's mother!

As a result, they quarreled even more, and I remained guilty and presented myself as a fool who meddles in other people's business.

The moral is simple: never meddle unnecessarily in someone else's conflict and relationships! Only professional lawyers and professional psychoanalysts can afford it. Amateurs, on the other hand, should not even try to defend other people's interests, especially if you are not yet fully able to defend your own! It is simply not profitable for you to run into other people's showdowns, so try to remain neutral.

Rule No. 24Where do the funds go, or the Family budget

How to distribute your finances? Not an easy question! Should you give every last penny to the general treasury and spend all the money you earn for the benefit of your family? Or do you have the right to spend in your own interests?

My friend Anton works as a sales representative. His income largely depends on himself and on his efforts. To live by the principle: how much you earn, so much you eat, Anton has always been beneficial. For he was famous for his ability to work, dedication and ability to achieve good performance. His sales were always well above average, and therefore the earnings were decent.

His affairs deteriorated after Anton got married. It was a strange pattern, the more his family life settled down, the more his life improved, the less he worked and, accordingly, received less.

Once I came to visit them to evaluate their renovation and rearrangement of furniture. Nina, Anton's wife, seemed to me very sweet, pleasant, hospitable and economical. Anton looked as if he had eaten a kilogram of lemons and still could not wake up. As soon as Nina left the room, I was curious:

- Hey buddy, what's the matter? I think your wife is just a treasure? Or are you not happy with your family life?

To which Anton sighed sadly:

- In general, I'm satisfied. Only now the career went downhill! There is no incentive to make money! She takes all my salary and spends it at her discretion on utility bills, renovations, new furniture and dishes. What is the reason for me to make money if I cannot dispose of it myself at my own discretion?

This is really a reason to think. Of course, most people are brought up with the attitude: nothing is spared for a family. But if you give all the money you earn to the common piggy bank, then the process of making money becomes painful and uninteresting: what difference does it make how much you work, you still won't get anything. So don't go to extremes - it's not in your best interest.

Give to the family budget as much as you see fit. In addition, if it is your earnings that make up the lion's share of family savings, do not hesitate to take an active part in making financial decisions. You have every right to know where the money you earned goes, and, of course, you can express your wishes.

For example, if you want to buy a car, and your half wants to go to the sea, you should discuss your opinions and, after weighing all the pros and cons, decide what is best not for you or your partner, but what is best for your family.

Rule No. 25Who is most important in the world, or Global solutions

Everyday questions are of two types: local and global. The first ones are quite possible to solve independently. For the second, you need to collect a family council. How to make sure that you are heard and heard at the family council?

Ask yourself: how much does my family value my opinion? Do my relatives follow my advice? Are requests being heeded? Are my interests taken into account?

Of course, a number of small questions - like which detergent to choose, what to cook for dinner, what color to hang the towels in the bathroom - may well do without your intervention. In the end, if you have not been asked which compote is better to cook, apple or plum, you still cannot say that your opinion was ignored. All these are little things in life. But when it comes to truly significant things: buying a car, moving to another city, resting abroad, it is simply necessary to take part in resolving issues.

So what to do if your family is leaning towards a serious decision and you strongly disagree with it?

1. Try to speak out more often about what you love and what you don’t like, what seems right to you and, conversely, is unreasonable in everyday life. Keeping it quiet can make your family feel like you don't care what color the wallpaper is in your room and how much seasoning is added to the roast. And since you don't care, what's the point of reckoning with your opinion?

2. At the family council, be sure to take the floor and calmly, reasonably state your position, without fear of anyone's attacks and objections. Avoid politically incorrect expressions like "You're wrong!" or "What are you - fools, how can you not understand such obvious things ?!"

3. Try to get into the position of each family member and understand his point of view. Insisting on your own, do not blindly persist. Look for alternative compromises that suit everyone. For example: “You want to move out of town to get the opportunity to breathe fresh air. I understand, and I have nothing against it. I myself would like to live closer to nature, but then how can I get to work every day? "

Rule No. 26Divorce and maiden name

Previously, you have always been together and shared the joys and hardships with each other, but now you meet only in court, and even then only to divide up property, real estate and children.

Probably a million volumes have been written about how to survive the division of property and not allow yourself to be cheated for money during a divorce. Protecting your interests during your breakup with your significant other is vital. Another thing is that most people, shocked by such a stressful situation as divorce, get lost and incorrectly determine WHAT is in their best interests?

So, you need to approach divorce with a sober mind and a cool head. If you are so overwhelmed that you can no longer adequately determine what is beneficial to you, follow the simple instructions.

1. Remember that whatever the reason for your separation, it is not profitable for you to be in conflict with your ex-spouse! What will a spoiled relationship give you? Another enemy? Do you need it? It is much wiser to settle the matter peacefully and try to turn former love into friendship and respect. Don't be tied by the bonds of marriage anymore, you can still continue to communicate and support each other.

2. Do not demand when divorcing what you do not really need. For example, you don’t have to pursue sole custody of children by all means if your job or other business doesn’t allow you to properly educate them. Many parents sue their children in a fit of revenge, and even deprive their ex-spouse of the right to see their children, and as a result, babysitters raise their children.

3. Do not skimp unnecessarily. For example, don't try to avoid child support (especially if you can afford it). Let the negative attitude towards the former half do not spoil the lives of children who are not to blame for anything.

And in general, when divorcing, be guided not only by your own benefits. Try to do things for the well-being of your children. After all, being a good parent and raising a full-fledged personality is always in your interests!

Rule No. 27Equality and brotherhood ...

Who among us in childhood did not beg our parents to give us a brother or sister? Then, in infancy, it seemed such a tempting prospect, and we did not at all think that the second child in the family could stand against our interests.

The first option is that the older child is in the center of parental attention. He is considered the first heir and favorite. For example, in royal or simply wealthy families, the older child inherits the lion's share of the parental property. Also, such a situation may arise if the second, youngest, child turns out to be unplanned. Then it is not easy for him to defend his rights.

The second option is the opposite. The youngest becomes a favorite in the family. Everyone around him is jumping, dust particles are blown off him, he is protected from everything in the world. While the elder "is already big, let him get used to independence."

What if you find yourself in a position deprived of love, parental attention, or inheritance?

First, forgive your parents and accept their choice. You will not be able to remake them with your scandals and claims in the spirit of: "Why do you love him more than me ?!" From this, of course, love and respect for you will not be added. Try to genuinely let go of your grudges against your parents. To do this, you can either resort to the help of a professional psychoanalyst, or engage in self-programming. To do this, either repeat to yourself many, many times: “I forgive my parents, I let go of old grievances,” or write these words on paper and hang them in a prominent place.

Secondly, do not forget that the love of parents, like the love of any other person, can be won. You will not achieve anything with jealousy, envy, and conflicts with your sister or brother. On the contrary, try to support her / him in everything. This will win over your parents. Remember, you can change relationships within the family, but only with love and trust, and not swearing and wrangling.

Rule No. 28Spheres of influence

It's strange why the two men in the house never quarrel over who should hammer a nail into the wall? And why, then, are two women so fond of having a kitchen battle deciding whose gravy recipe is better and whose fries are tastier?

Probably, even the battles of gladiators were not as bloody as the quarrels of the wife and mother-in-law. They say that there can be only one mistress in the house. And when several women apply for this title at once, severe showdowns are almost inevitable.

Some wives, having come to their husband's house, begin zealously to defend the leading role in the household, without first asking the question: is it profitable for me? Is it in my interests to drag the blanket over myself?

So, if you are a wife and have recently started living with your mother-in-law, who is used to establishing her own rules in the house, decide whether you need to challenge the palm. Maybe it's not bad when you are led by a more experienced hostess. After all, if you drop pride, you can learn a lot from your mother-in-law. If it is important for you to become the head of the economy, do not reclaim unfamiliar territory. Just ask politely for it. Say, "I am so grateful that you have taken on such a significant amount of housework, but I would like to be of assistance to you as much as I can." “I hope you will allow me to remove at least some of the obligations and responsibilities from your shoulders” or “I understand that you are used to doing everything your own way. I don’t want to ruin your usual way of doing things, but maybe we will try to make a salad according to my recipe / wash the palace in my way, ”etc.

If you are a mother-in-law, try not to perceive the attempts of your son's wife to take over the household as a kind of personal insult. Nobody doubts your economy and competence. Perhaps they just sincerely want to help you. In addition, almost all young wives want to impress their husbands with their homeliness and ability to maintain the order of the family nest. After all, you will not condemn your daughter-in-law for trying to appear before your son in a more favorable light. If you want to make her a remark about the housework, do not scold her in front of your son. Wait until you are alone and gently, tactfully express your wishes. For example, instead of muttering: “You don't wash the pan like that! Are you armless? You can't do anything! " - Say: "And try to do it this way ... I think it will be easier this way." Surely the daughter-in-law will listen to your experience and will be grateful for your support.

And in general, it is in your interests to maintain friendly relations and use female creative energy for peaceful purposes.

Rule No. 29Don't let yourself dry

They say the disadvantages are just an extension of the merits. Some families are so caring and attentive that it is almost impossible to escape from this obsessive care. What if your relatives unwittingly infringe on your right to independence?

The life of my friend Tamara has always been strictly regulated. Leaving on business, she called back to her parents every hour: just like that, to say that everything was fine with her. Tom always left the guests no later than nine in the evening. Even if the party was still in full swing, Tamara had a curfew at home: no later than ten o'clock! To all objections like: “Mom, well, I can open the door with my key,” Tamarina’s mother answered: “All the same, my father and I will not sleep until you come. And in general, there is nothing to wander along the dark streets. " By the way, did I mention that Tamara turned forty not so long ago?

Yes, there are families who consider total control a common thing, and thus, unwittingly, infringe on our personal interests and the right to our own space. How can one get rid of these shackles?

First of all, you need to try to stop worrying about your dependence on your family. Change your attitude to what is happening. To begin with, try to perceive the encroachment on your personal territory as a comedy. It's really funny when parents or a spouse protect an adult independent person like some kind of foolish person.

For example, when El's sister came to Tamara and Tamara's parents tried to control her in the same way as they were used to controlling their daughter, she simply considered it a joke and behaved accordingly. For example, going to a nightclub, she said: "Don't worry, I'll come before ten!" - and really came before ten ... in the morning, exactly nine fifteen.

And the constant calls to Ele's mobile with questions: “Where are you? Where now? Where will you be in a minute? " and they didn't piss her off at all. On the contrary, she called back ten minutes after the next “test” call and announced: “I am calling to inform you that I am now in the toilet. And if in the next five minutes I will not answer the phone, it does not mean that the bandits kidnapped me, it means that I followed the call of nature. "

So it is better to defend the right to privacy in jest.

Rule No. 30And who are the judges ...

A well-known wisdom says: do not judge, that you will not be judged. And if you are being judged? For “wrong” behavior, for mistakes of youth, for “stupid” purchases. It doesn't matter for what! How to defend your interests, being in the role of "discussed and condemned"?

I had a friend who got pregnant at sixteen and decided to have a baby. Let's call her Masha. It is easy to guess that she was condemned and criticized by all relatives and friends. Many years later. The child has grown up. And Masha, in spite of everything, was able to realize herself in the career of a computer designer. Now her life is completely arranged and prosperous. The baby will soon go to first grade. Masha, on the other hand, sits at home and creates at the computer, while receiving very good money. From time to time she meets with young people, goes to the movies and on romantic dates, but she is in no hurry to get married. And despite such a successful career and generally prosperous life, Masha's relatives do not cease to grieve over her "ruined fate", "ruined reputation" and "unforgivable mistake."

“I don’t understand how they can judge me,” Masha wonders, “I’ve got a good job. And who, looking at my little daughter, would turn his tongue to call her my big mistake?

So, if your interests and your peaceful life are threatened by someone's judgment, it's time to take active measures!

First, analyze your own behavior: are you judging others too much? Most situations and emotions work according to the principle: what you sow is what you reap. Criticism and condemnation, "sown" by you in someone's address, as a rule, are returned. So try to be more forgiving towards others. People are imperfect, and this is absolutely normal. The more you turn a blind eye to other people's mistakes and shortcomings, the easier it will be for you to get away with yours.

Second, try to forgive the people who judge you. Let them do it. Don't start judging them for judging you. It will be a vicious circle. Try to understand and forgive.

Let's say your mother doesn't understand how you can date a married man. This, in her opinion, is immoral. Is it worth the effort and nerves to persuade her? And why? Let her think in her own way, while you remain unconvinced. All people are different, and what is absolutely wild for one is in the order of things for another. Therefore, do not waste time reworking your loved ones and defending an idea: you cannot judge. Better to accept the world as it is, and you will see how your life becomes simpler.

Rule No. 31Hard choice

The story of "Romeo and Juliet" is considered, perhaps, the most romantic and beautiful work in the history of world literature. Nevertheless, few people would like to experience something like this in real life ...

In a situation where your family is at enmity with the family of your / her chosen one / chosen one, the interests of all parties to the conflict suffer! It seems that everyone wants diametrically opposite things at the same time and interests collide. You want to be able to date your lover without hindrance. And he / she most likely wants the same. Your parents want you to break up as soon as possible and "not make the biggest mistake of your life." His / her parents want him / her to find a “better match for themselves”.

In fact, everything is not at all as confusing as it seems at first glance. If you think about it, it becomes clear that all parties to the conflict want the same thing - peace and quiet. The only question is how to achieve this?

Sometimes, in order to reconcile the parents, it is enough to give them the opportunity to get to know better the family of the chosen one. In the event that they are not so much against his family, as against him / her himself, try to understand the reason for such dislike. They don't like something specific? Or they just think in cliches like "oh, mark our word, you will cry with him again." In this case, you can make a deal. Suggest that parents conduct an experiment: ask them for loyalty to your soul mate before fulfilling their prophecy. Say: “Okay, I promise, as soon as there are more tears in our relationship than joy, I’ll leave him immediately. Until then, could you be more loyal to him? "

Of course, after such statements, it is not in your best interest to come and complain to your parents about your beloved. After all, this will confirm their correctness. And if they see you happy and contented all the time, they will probably soon change their attitude towards someone who could make you happy.

CHAPTER 3Universal ways

However, home and office are not the only two training grounds where the battle for your interests often unfolds. You need to protect your benefits almost everywhere. Here is a short encyclopedia of more specific situations in which almost anyone can find themselves, as well as a list of recommendations for asserting their rights in each specific case.

Rule No. 32Aunt Zina in the store ...

It would seem that shopping or, as it is fashionable to say now, shopping is one of the most powerful relaxants. How can our interests suffer during such a pleasant pastime?

In fact, there can be a lot of options. Let's consider the most common ones.

1. You are imposed on an unnecessary or too expensive purchase. At the same time, the seller can praise your figure and vigorously prove that this pink blouse with fluff, fur, lace and rhinestones adds style and showiness to you, and that this must be in the wardrobe of every fashionista. Don't give in to flattery! The seller's task is to sell. At any cost. If you throw money away for a thing you don't need, then both your interests and your wallet will suffer. So for all the seller's persuasions, try to smile, nod and say something like: “I absolutely agree. Pink with rhinestones is the hit of the season. But I'm actually looking for regular jeans. "

2. They are trying to sniff you a "bonus". Let's say you came to buy a face lotion or shaving cream. But the seller suddenly begins to assure you that this lotion / cream is ineffective without an additional moisturizing balm / spray / gel of the same company, etc.

Again, do not panic and sweep all the products from this company off the counter (especially if you already have a moisturizer from another company at home). Most of the lines are designed in such a way that funds from one company are perfectly combined with funds from another. If the seller insists, you can answer: "I buy only what my cosmetologist / dermatologist advises me", etc. or "Thank you, but my budget is only for the purchase of one product." Do not be shy. Just one proposal will help you save money and not let yourself be "bred".

3. You came to buy the simplest cell phone (it rings - and okay), and the consultant persuades you to buy a more expensive model. Don't be fooled when they tell you that cheap phones are less reliable. On the contrary: the fewer bells and whistles, the less often the equipment breaks down and the fewer problems with it. You can get off with a phrase like “thank you, but I buy a phone only while mine is being repaired” or “thank you, but I don’t know and don’t want to know what GPRS WAP is and how to use the camera. Any phone that rings and receives calls will work for me. "

Rule No. 33Full fashion!

For some people, going to a stylist is like playing Russian roulette. You can return a happy, transformed person beyond recognition, or you can be a duped fool.

How to protect your interests in a beauty salon? First of all, you need to try to choose your salon and your master. It is always best to follow the recommendation of friends and acquaintances. Or to a salon about which you have heard many positive reviews.

When you come to an unfamiliar master, do not be silent and do not be shy. After all, he does not yet know who you are by profession, what is your everyday style and what you prefer. Therefore, enlighten him. This will make his job easier.

Do not start your acquaintance with a new master with the words: "Make me something to your taste." It's too risky. It is better to explain in detail what kind of haircut you want, what length of hair you need to leave and in what shade you should be dyed. If you cannot explain in words, bring photos with you and point your finger at the image you like. But be careful. It's one thing when you show your photo of three years ago and say: "Make me the same square as here", or a photo of your girlfriend with the words: "Can I have the same highlighting."

Another thing is when you show a photo of a Hollywood star and ask to copy her style. This is dangerous. Firstly, Hollywood stars spend disproportionately more on their appearance. With such a complex haircut, you may need to maintain and adjust it every month. And besides, who knows how the hair will lie without styling? Indeed, in the photo, the stars are vylochenny and photoshopped, and therefore do not give a real idea. So before copying Sharon Stone's image, ask the master how reasonable it is. Will you be able to style at home on your own, and if not, how will your hair look without styling?

It is also in your best interest to ask in advance how harmful a particular procedure is for hair. How much money will you need for restoration and care, for example, after chemistry or building up artificial strands? In a word, try to get as much information as possible - this is in your interests, in addition, it will help you establish the necessary contact with the master, and if you understand each other, then most likely you will be able to become a regular customer. And this is always beneficial, since regular customers are usually given discounts and they always have time for them, even in the tightest schedule.

Rule No. 34Fight to rudeness!

Rudeness is the most difficult test for a polite person. If you are brought up in the best traditions of tact and correctness, the insolence of another person can easily confuse you. How to protect your dignity and your interests if you are directly rude?

There can be many options and strategies of behavior. But not all are equally successful. The problem is that rudeness, swear words and rudeness usually unsettle, especially people with a good upbringing and a high cultural level, and they involuntarily get lost in front of someone else's insolence, not knowing how to respond.

So rude? In the style of "the fool himself." But honestly, being rude in return doesn't give you much of an advantage. The most that will come of this is the usual squabble. And since you consider yourself an intelligent person, you can hardly win in this squabble of a born boor. Surely there are words in his vocabulary that can incapacitate you. In any case, competing in the vastness of knowledge of obscene language is not a good idea. So do not be provoked into reciprocal rudeness. It’s not in your best interest.

On the other hand, to politely answer the boorish "why are you hatched, you goat ?!" or "look where you are going, cow!" - also not an easy task! And is it necessary to do curtsies to the one who just offended you? So you shouldn't be scattered in apologies, while trying to speak like a diplomat at a high society reception in the spirit of: "A thousand apologies, I did not in any way want to offend your honor and dignity with an excessively long look from my side." There is also no need to babble humiliatingly: "Sorry, I accidentally pushed you, I am so clumsy." This will only allow the boor to feel his righteousness and superiority.

Where is the exit? The best way to deal with a boor is to have a brilliant sense of humor. Cut it off. Put in place with some taunt or witty phrase.

For example, my friend Olya once got into an accident. Through no fault of her own, a drunken gentleman cut her off, then got out of the car and started yelling: "You fool, who did you sleep with to get your license ?!" To which Olya smiled sweetly and, blinking her eyes like a fool, reached for her notebook: “Don't be envious. Now I'll give you his phone number. He, of course, prefers prettier and slimmer guys, but maybe you are lucky, you will charm him and he will also make you right. "

If you want to finish off the boor and make him feel awkward, find a flaw in his appearance and stare at him. For example, if he has a pimple, look at this pimple without looking up. If you have a double chin, do not take your eyes off it either. Very soon the boor will feel uncomfortable and retreat.

Rule No. 35Pulp Fiction

Domestic interests are one thing, but protecting your rights from crime is a completely different song! Especially if it is self-defense.

My friend Christina is a real lucky woman. Several years ago, she was lucky to turn her head to one oligarch, and since then she has lived without knowing any troubles or troubles. It would seem that Christina is in complete peace, comfort and safety. She even insured her buttocks, like Jennifer Lopez, for a lump sum. And nevertheless, even that kind of money and such a life is not insurance against encroachment on interests, and most importantly, on property interests.

On her twenty-fifth birthday, Christina received a luxurious Mercedes as a present. And then she went to ride it around the neighborhood. It was slushy, drizzling rain. Very soon, Kristinina's shiny new car began to resemble a tractor spattered with mud. The birthday girl went to the car wash. Getting out of the car, she waited for her Mercedes to be cleaned to a shine.

Less than half an hour later, the car looked like new again. Christina got behind the wheel and was about to drive, when she suddenly noticed that her favorite sunglasses from Versace, which cost more than ten thousand rubles, had disappeared from the glove compartment. What to do? Leave? Write to the book of complaints and suggestions? Call the police? Make a civil arrest? Go and "figure it out"?

Christina did none of this. She just called her oligarch, and forty minutes later he was there. The showdown was really cool. In the best traditions of the films "Brigade" and "Boomer". The oligarch demanded that everyone turn out their pockets. The employees refused and called the familiar "brothers" who provided them with a "roof". This whole action lasted for several hours. After that, the glasses were still found.

The conclusions that can be drawn from this story are simple and logical.

1. Before you bring serious charges against anyone, make sure they are well-founded.

2. Before starting a criminal showdown, decide for yourself, is it worth the candle?

3. If you do not know how to threaten and intimidate people, do not try, otherwise you will look ridiculous. Call a support group: preferably people with diplomatic and acting skills who can bluff beautifully.

4. Before starting the showdown, think over the whole strategy: will you contact the police? Or will you agree peacefully? What will you do if your accusations are simply dismissed, and what will you do if they begin to accuse you in return?

Rule No. 36Debt good turn deserves another

Debts, debts, debts! Here is a word that describes a sharp clash of financial interests between two people. One seeks to get his money back, the other does not have the slightest desire and ability to give it back.

Where is the exit? It doesn't matter if you owe or owe you. In any case, interests are at stake. Let's look at both situations.

1. If you owe you.

First, collect all the contact information about your debtor. Home, work and mobile phone numbers, address, names of mutual acquaintances. Ask to determine the exact date of the return of the amount of money. In case of delay, charge a small percentage. Do not hesitate to call and remind about the debt, as well as ask why it has not been returned yet.

Most people lose their money through being overly kind and humble. It is inconvenient for them to hurry up the debtor once again. As a result, it seems that they did not really need this money. And since the lender does not raise a fuss and does not rush the person who borrowed the amount, it turns out that there is no point in rushing to return it. Especially irresponsible people may even get the impression that it is not at all necessary to repay the debt.

2. If you should.

The situation is somewhat more complicated. And yet here, too, there is an opportunity to defend your interests as much as possible. For starters, be honest with whoever gave you the money. Don't lie that you will give back at the beginning of the month if you really know that you will not receive your salary until the end of the month.

If giving the entire amount at once is problematic for you, agree on an installment plan. The main thing is not to try to cheat and play around. If you do not have time to return the money on time, contact your lender and honestly explain the situation to him. All attempts to evade - turn off the phone or hide from the city - will only aggravate the situation. They will stop trusting you and, possibly, worsen the conditions on which you will have to give money in the future. Is it in your best interest?

Rule No. 37The taming of Hippocrates

Doctors take the Hippocratic Oath. And yet this does not prevent them from acting against our interests from time to time.

A year ago I took a driving course. Towards the end of the training, I suddenly noticed that it became uncomfortable for me to walk. The foot of the left leg seemed to be swollen, and a metal ball seemed to be rolling in the heel. At first I did not pay attention to it, but when the sore leg stopped getting into my boots, I sounded the alarm and went to the surgeon in a respectable paid clinic. As soon as he looked at my foot, he confidently declared:

- No doubt! It's an Achilles tendon cyst! Arose from overload. There's nothing you can do about it.

- That is how it is? I asked. - Are you going to treat me at all? How about physiotherapy, elastic bandages, surgery ...

- What other operation ?! The tendon cannot be removed. But do not be discouraged, men do not pay such attention.

- Yes, what does it have to do with men! I exploded. - You understand that it bothers me! I can't walk! None of my shoes fit me!

- The cyst cannot shrink or disappear, - the doctor shrugged his shoulders, - it can only grow. Okay ... I'll try to come up with an effective prevention for you.

And he wrote me some crazy expensive orthopedic golfs (which, as it turned out later, were intended for patients with varicose veins and which could be ordered through the company with which the same surgeon collaborated) and a bunch of quite expensive crap.

Fortunately, I didn’t have too much money at the time, and I decided that I would wait a little with treatment. And what would you think? After a month, I found that all the unpleasant sensations had passed and I was walking absolutely normally. It can't be, I thought, because the doctor said that it cannot be treated at all, how could a cyst go away by itself? I spared no money and went to another doctor:

“You must have been misdiagnosed. It was bursitis. These things usually go away on their own.

After that, I paid with particular pleasure for the third visit, this time to the first doctor: "Doc, you diagnosed me with a cyst and said it was incurable." - "Yes, I remember you." “Okay, then take another look at my leg and think carefully, where could the inoperable cyst go? Now, shove yourself your diploma and your orthopedic knee-highs ... ”However, I didn't become rude, too pleased that everything was fine with my health.

The takeaways from this story are simple.

1. The more serious the diagnosis, the more serious the argumentation should be. Test results, ultrasound, x-rays, etc. If a doctor diagnoses you just by looking at you, you should doubt the veracity of his words.

2. One head is good, but two are better. Try to collect as many professional opinions as possible before agreeing to an expensive treatment.

3. Don't panic ahead of time.

And remember that doctors are just people and they also have the right to make mistakes. It is in your best interest not to save money or time on your health, but to approach this from the standpoint of common sense, and not absurd alarmism.

Rule No. 38Learning is light

Perhaps the first place where adult life really begins and the need to defend one's benefits and rights in an adult way is a university. How to survive and thrive if you are still a student at the university?

There are several types of critical situations in which the student simply has to stand up for himself. Let's take a look at the most common ones.

1. The teacher flips you on the exam, because he wants to get you a bribe or some kind of sexual advance.

Corruption was and is one of the most serious problems. If you are asked for money for the exam, try to fix it somehow. Dictaphone recording is ideal. If you do not want to mess with a greedy teacher and enter into a tedious showdown, then you have the right to ask for a referral from the dean's office and pass this exam to any teacher from this department.

As for the sexually preoccupied teachers, they have authority.

For example, not so long ago, a friend of mine from the Faculty of Management was harassed. She was literally told: "Sex in exchange for an excellent mark - otherwise you will fly off the course." The student was not taken aback. She persuaded all her friends from the course, and the next day lovely students began to frequent the office of the lascivious teacher:

- Professor, hello, I heard that you can easily get an "excellent" for sex. I would not mind, otherwise there is no time to teach tickets. And Ninka Petrova also asked her to write to you.

The girls continued to crowd around the teacher's office, the teacher blushed, turned pale and bleated something inarticulate. In the end, the rumor spread so much that he was forced to resign. By the way, that student is now entering graduate school herself and plans to become the most honest examiner in the history of the university.

2. If you are combining study and work, try not to hide it from your teachers.

Of course, if you work as a waiter in a strip club, you shouldn't tell that you have not prepared for the seminar due to the influx of alcoholic clients at night. But if you are working in a future profession, it is in your interests to trump in every possible way.

Usually, those who strive to simultaneously receive not only theoretical knowledge, but also practical skills, are made significant concessions in their studies. So down with false modesty! It is not beneficial to you!

Rule No. 39Voluntary-forced labor

Historically, we strive to help our friends always and in everything. Selfless and selfless.

Do we think about our interests, helping Tanya weed hectares of potatoes or meeting Leshka at five in the morning from the airport? Hardly…

There is really nothing wrong with helping a friend. And of course, it is perfectly natural for all of us to do this unselfishly. Most normal friends are guided by a very reasonable principle: you are for me - I am for you. You will help me to harvest the red currant, I will help you with moving to a new apartment. It is unlikely that your interests somehow suffer if you help a reliable, trusted person who himself has come to your rescue more than once. But there are a number of cases when "friendly mutual assistance" turns into unilateral exploitation. This is where you have to keep your ears open!

Here are some classic real life examples.

1. Your friend invites you to help marinate cucumbers or make jam. After you have done the lion's share of the work, she shows you off without a hint of “thank you” or, even worse, asks: “Do you want to try what I did? Then can you buy a couple of jars of cucumbers from me? "

Of course, dispossession of the mistress is not humane. But after working all day in a hot kitchen, you deserve at least one jar of what happened with your joint efforts. To get out of an awkward situation, joke: “Will you pay me for my work? I propose barter: every hour of my work is estimated in a liter jar of cucumbers! "

2. A divorced friend asks you to sit with the children while she goes on a date: “I need to arrange my personal life! The child needs a father! " Everything would be fine, and it will not be difficult to agree to help her out a couple of times. It's another matter if a friend's stormy personal life is in full swing, and yours is idle at this time, because every weekend you work as a volunteer nurse.

Feel free to refuse! As much as you feel sorry for the children growing up without a father, do not let yourself be exploited. Otherwise, you risk being left without a family at all. To another enthusiastic request of a friend: “I have a date again! Will you help out? " - just answer: “Imagine, I also have a date - that's a coincidence! Or maybe you invite your boyfriend home? Since you want to make him a potential father of your children, it’s not bad for them to finally get to know each other. ”

Rule No. 40Werewolves in uniform

There are legends, fables and anecdotes about how to communicate with traffic cops. Unfortunately, many of the current traffic cops are real professionals in terms of infringing on our interests, therefore, they need to be resisted at the highest level.

For some reason, many people still experience instinctive fear when faced with law enforcement officers. And they strive to get rid of them as soon as possible, imperceptibly slipping in a crumpled bill.

For example, once my uncle, who was known as a notorious racer, was slowed down when he was driving through the village. It should be noted that the road was disgusting, and therefore my uncle was driving only 70 km / h. Before the traffic cop had time to open his mouth, his uncle thrust a hundred-ruble bill into his open window.

- Thank you, bon voyage, - the happy guard exhaled in surprise, and the uncle jerked off.

- Andryukh, what are you doing ?! - was surprised. - You exceeded by only 10 km / h (!) - this is not even a fine! For this, they can give you a maximum verbal warning.

- Yes, it hurts me to listen to his warnings! Received a hundred rubles as a gift - and okay.

So many people adhere to the same principles: why waste time and dirty paper when you can pay. One friend of mine got used to pushing five hundred rubles through an open window every time she was slowed down, without even having time to find out whether she had violated anything, or was stopped just to check her documents. It is unlikely that our material interests will flourish from such a policy. Not to mention the fact that we ourselves contribute to the development of corruption "on the roads." Here are simple rules for communicating with traffic cops that will help you protect your rights and interests.

1. Always keep traffic regulations and a small booklet with fines in the glove compartment. If they are trying to present you with some kind of "leftist" accusation, do not hesitate to get the traffic rules and good-naturedly ask the inspector: "Excuse me, but could you show me what specific rule I have violated so that I know for the future?" And if they are trying to bribe you, first look at what a fine is due for this, and if the official fine is less than the amount for which you are being promoted, politely ask to write you a penalty receipt.

2. If the traffic cop tries to accuse you unfairly, do not give up ahead of time. For example, if he claims that you crossed a double line, and you did not see the markings due to snow, etc., get your mobile and take a picture of the location where the violation occurred. In court, this can serve as direct evidence of your innocence. True, it will hardly come to court. Traffic cops rarely continue to stand their ground when they see that in front of them is a person who knows his rights and is not afraid to stand up for them.

Rule No. 41Who want to be a millionaire

Probably, everyone is familiar with the expression: "Fear the Danians who bring gifts." But not everyone takes it personally. Meanwhile, a lot of people and organizations use human greed, naivety and love for freebies to cheat.

Hundreds of lotteries, contests, sweepstakes, mobile casinos and quizzes challenge you to become a millionaire, win a super car right now. To do this, you just need to send an SMS or pay mere pennies ... And, oddly enough, people really send an SMS and pay, seriously believing that they have a chance to win the promised mythical prize ... Unfortunately, participation in such contests is not in your interests! Firstly, you are almost guaranteed to lose time and money, and secondly, you risk becoming addicted.

Here is a simple psychological mechanism that has been working for more than one hundred years and allows you to manipulate a person, turning him into a slave of gambling.

First, curiosity awakens in you: "I wonder what kind of joke this is." Then - excitement: "What if I succeed?" Then greed: "I want to get a million by sending just a few text messages at three dollars each!" Then fear: “What if I don’t win, and all the text messages sent were a waste of money? Well, I do not! I will not admit it! I'll send a couple dozen more to win for sure! " So people are bred for very decent money. Don't be naive. It's not in your best interest. It's good to believe in fairy tales only if you create your own fairy tale. Free cheese only comes in a mousetrap.

Well, if in your apartment the long-awaited call still rings and you are informed that you have won a certain prize, be careful. Especially if you are asked to pay for this prize. By law, you may be required to pay no more than 13% of the value of the prize (taxes) for your winnings. Any additional requirements are a clear deception that infringes on your interests.

Rule No. 42Light stroke of the pen

These days, being legally literate is very, very profitable. Indeed, today almost each of us has to deal with all kinds of papers, documents, contracts. However, not everyone is free to navigate the laws. How can you defend your legal interests?

The first thing that you must learn once and for all: do not sign a single paper without thoroughly studying it.

For example, today very many firms hire employees not according to the work book, but by signing a contract. So, when entering a new job, many people have to deal with the signing of papers. Don't be overly gullible. Please read the terms of employment carefully. If the agreement is drawn up so intricately that you can hardly delve into its meaning on your own, do not rush to put your signature. Ask for time to study the contract. Take a copy to your home. Consult a lawyer you know. Better to play it safe once again than to be a fool. So go ahead. Don't be afraid to sound stupid or meticulous. If you have any questions while reading the contract, do not hesitate to ask them. And do not be afraid that they may seem stupid to someone. You will show yourself really stupid only if you sign some nonsense unfavorable for you with a smart look.

The more pressure is put on you, the more actively they convince you in the spirit of: “Why read there ?! Sign up and that's it! You can't go wrong! " - the more likely it is that you should not rush. Especially if they are trying to intimidate you: “Your first and last chance. Now you will not sign, then no one will offer! " Don't listen and don't be manipulated.

If a person or a company has nothing to hide, they will not mind your thoughts and even your consultation with a lawyer. Most contracts include a trade secret clause. If in doubt, ask: "Can I consult and show the contract to my lawyer." If they answer you: "Of course", then most likely the contract is "clean". If they start ranting about trade secrets, offer to formalize the powers of your lawyer to represent your interests. The more resistance you meet, the more likely it is that these people are not worth dealing with.

Rule No. 43The minority has the right ...

In the rule on discrimination, we missed another very important and piquant point: discrimination based on sexual orientation. This is a very slippery topic, which many still consider as shameful and prefer to remain silent.

And yet, if we discard hypocrisy, the question inevitably arises: how to protect their interests for representatives of sexual minorities? Should I publicly declare my orientation? Or is it better to hide the "dubious, compromising" facts of your biography? Although most psychologists and popular books teach a person to “be yourself, accept yourself as you are, and not be ashamed of it,” practice often proves the opposite.

It is one thing to accept yourself as you are and live in harmony with yourself and the world around you; it is another thing to come to work with plucked eyebrows, streaked hair and draw out words in a mannered manner. No, homosexuality is not a vice! In a creative environment and in such professions as a stylist, model, creator, unconventional orientation even plays into the hands of most men. Many women prefer to have their hair cut by the "blue" stylists, because they combine a man's shell - and their compliments are perceived precisely as a man's compliments - and a woman's passion for fashion, shopping and personal care.

But if it’s not a show business career, but, say, a job at a school or law firm, your orientation can do you a disservice. You may not be taken seriously and ignored when it comes to career promotions and pay hikes. And the saddest thing is that it will be very difficult to prove the unfairness of the situation.

Therefore, no matter how difficult it may be for you, try to keep your sexual preferences secret. It is in your best interest to make the most favorable impression on your bosses and partners, and therefore try to behave as expected of you. Otherwise, do not be surprised at someone else's bias. Unfortunately, at this stage in the development of society, it is easier to adjust and adapt to the existing system than to defend your sexual freedom.

Rule No. 44Life on credit

In recent years, making a high-value purchase has become much easier. No matter what store you look at, you can get a loan everywhere and for everything. It would seem that this is just a fairy tale! You no longer need to spend months and years trying to save up the required amount.

I took out a loan - and order! Enjoy your new car now, not in five years, when you finally collect the required amount.

Is it just in your interests? At first glance, a loan is an excellent solution to all material problems. But if you take a closer look, it turns out that many problems are just beginning with a loan.

We will not try to impose our opinion on you. If you are obligated, responsible and have a good stable income, but at the same time do not know how to save money, a good loan on favorable terms will really be beneficial to you and will benefit you. You can safely take goods, just to begin with, choose the bank as carefully as possible, which provides the required amount on optimal conditions! And forward. Good luck. But there are people for whom it is absolutely not profitable to take out a loan. And that's why.

1. Credit makes you feel the burden of responsibility. You start working not for yourself and for your own good, but for credit. You are no longer guided by the desire to succeed and get rich, but rather by the fear: “What if I don’t pay off the loan ?!” This is a bad incentive. Most people have a sharp decline in performance and all desire disappears. Why work hard, make money, if in the end you still have to give it to the bank?

2. Many people take out a loan in euphoria, which disappears when they realize how much they will overpay for a particular product.

3. Credit can be extremely harmful to the nervous system, especially if you are an impressionable person. Should you forget or fail to make your monthly payment on time, banks start calling you several times a day, sometimes it comes to intimidation and stories about what huge fines await you. The bank is not a friend with whom you can negotiate and to whom you can explain: “Hey, the salary was delayed at work, let's give it back next week”.

So before you take out a loan, carefully weigh everything and understand whether it is really in your best interests or are you just being seduced by loud advertising slogans?

Rule No. 45Life is high!

Ah, resorts, resorts! On vacation, without exception, all people become benevolent and peaceful, which is what some unscrupulous travel agencies use to infringe on the interests of vacationers.

My friend Katya is a real girl with character. She knows how to stand up for herself, moreover, she does it so intelligently and unobtrusively that it never occurs to anyone to think badly of her. But one day, she also found herself in a not very pleasant situation.

After spending a couple of weeks in Turkey with her husband and son, Katya checked all the accounts. Everything was paid except for the ice cream checks. The hotel had a system according to which guests could order ice cream in unlimited quantities, and pay for the order only after checking out of the hotel, immediately before departure. Not wanting to rush, Katya paid in advance the six dollars that their family owed for the ice cream. And on the day of discharge they were presented with a surprise!

- Sorry, - said the porter, - I can't write you out - you didn't pay for the ice cream.

- How did you not pay? - Katya was surprised, - paid, and the day before yesterday. Look in your computer.

- I look, and here is information that you have not paid the ten dollars bill.

- Firstly, my bill was five dollars, and secondly, I paid. Check receipts for that date.

The Turkish manager started to break the comedy. Pretend not to understand English, then talk for a long time with someone on a mobile phone, then slowly go through the receipts. Katya's husband looked at his watch anxiously; their bus to the airport was supposed to leave in five minutes.

- Come on, Katyusha, let's give them these ten dollars. Perhaps we will not become poorer.

For a second, Katya almost succumbed to the temptation to give up everything, but, fortunately, decided to get her way. She argued with the manager for a long time, after which she simply climbed over the registration counter and, despite the indignant cries of the Turk, found her receipt.

This story is very revealing and instructive. Abroad on vacation, you can easily wind up an account that has come from nowhere. Do not be lazy to carefully check all the numbers and try to defend your rights. Otherwise, the memories of the rest can be overshadowed by unpleasant impressions.

Rule No. 46Who is worse: a guest or a Tatar?

They say an uninvited guest is worse than a Tatar. Probably, even the most hospitable host has at least once in his life been in a situation when the visits of friends and acquaintances were not at all the topic ...

And what to do with unexpected guests, so that, on the one hand, do not allow them to disrupt your plans, and on the other hand, do not be branded as an unsociable priest who is not happy about anyone?

The biggest challenge is intruders. If they show up to you out of the blue, you still have a choice. You can postpone your business in order to devote some time to visitors. If friends come late at night and you have an early rise, you can try to politely explain the situation. Say something like, “Glad to see you guys. It’s a pity you’re at the wrong time. I was just about to go to bed. Tomorrow morning early in the morning is a very important event. Let's have a cup of tea and hang up. " Thus, on the one hand, you will not drive your friends away, and on the other hand, you will make it clear that you will not be able to stay too long today.

If the guests arrived in the afternoon, and you have a lot of things to do, you can tactfully and naturally send them out by saying: "Oh, hello, and I was just about to leave." Then leave the house together and walk to the stop, and then disperse. In this case, you will be able to return home and calmly go about your business.

Of course, getting rid of guests is not the most pleasant thing. This is a pretty awkward situation, so the best thing you can do is anticipate and prevent it. For example, once in a conversation with friends, mention that you can't stand unexpected guests and generally don't like surprises. Of course, you need to say this not when unexpected guests have already arrived, but somehow by chance, in between times.

And further! If your friends know that you are a busy person with an unpredictable work schedule and that you are not always at home, they will naturally make the habit of calling before they pay a visit. Especially if they get into the situation of “kissing the closed door” several times.

Rule No. 47Who goes to visit in the morning, he acts wisely

The opposite situation is when you are acting as a guest. Winnie the Pooh believed that visiting was a good thing. We think that visiting is a delicate, delicate occupation that requires special moral preparation.

The super task of any trip to visit is to make such a visit so that it does not become the last in the history of communication with this host. Yes, a good guest is invited again and again. For a good guest, the doors of the house are always open. So it's in your best interest to be a good guest. What does it take to earn this honorary title?

1. Try not to visit empty-handed. If you are visiting close friends, bring a jar of homemade cucumbers or preserves with you as a present. They will be pleased. In addition, it is polite to ask close friends: "Hey, do you need to buy something on the way to the store?" If you are visiting your boss or business partner, you can bring a gift bottle of good cognac. Let it be a purely symbolic gesture.

2. It used to be that it was polite for the owners to give flowers. Now it has become a somewhat banal, duty gesture. The solution can be a flower in a pot, such as violets or a small palm tree. It will grow and delight the owner, reminding of a pleasant evening for many years.

3. Do not hesitate to ask the owner again what you do not understand. Whether to take off your shoes when entering the room, where to wash your hands, what kind of towel to wipe, etc. This will save you from embarrassment. Because every house has its own rules, ignorance of them can put you in an awkward situation.

4. They say a good guest is one who knows when to leave. Know when to stop, do not sit too long. Perhaps the owners also want to take a break from people. Only if you are actively and sincerely begged to stay on your "well, perhaps I must go", stay another half hour.

Rule No. 48Friendly revelations

Why do people hang out with their friends? Do you think it’s just like that? Not at all. Friendly communication with people is also aimed at satisfying certain interests.

What interests can we pursue by communicating with trusted comrades and faithful friends? In fact, very different!

So, for example, my friend Anya has been friends with Kira since her school years. Kira was a talker. However, Anya, like no one else, knew how to accept people with all their advantages and disadvantages. Years passed, their friendship continued. But one day, Anya realized that this relationship did not give her much.

This is how it turned out. They met Kira at their favorite cafe. Anya literally could not find a place for herself: she had a lot of news for her friend (she met the man of her dreams and got a promotion at work).

- Hey. How are you? - Anya asked, to which Kira burst into an hour and a half monologue about her difficult life.

It turned out that Kirina's life is terrible. The head-bitch has already got her with her claims, her husband is unkind, and she is going to threaten him with a divorce, however, she has not yet decided completely, after all, they have been together for many years ... and in GUM there appeared shoes that Kira had long dreamed of, but money, as always, no, because Kirin "son-dunce" lost his satchel and now have to fork out for a new one.

In a word, by the end of the monologue, Anya was already dozing. When they dispersed, she realized that she did not give her news, but only listened to Kirina's complaints and assented. With surprise, Anya realized that according to this scheme, their friendship has been built for many years. These relationships do not give her anything, which means why continue them? So you think, and whether this friendship is in your interests.

Perhaps such a formulation of questions will seem cynical to you, but we do not mean the mercantile side of relations and the principle of "being friends only with useful people." It's just in your interests to communicate with those who can give you something: mutual understanding, common interests, new knowledge, willingness to listen and advise something. If friendship and communication do not give you any positive emotions, then why waste time on them?

Rule No. 49Work on bugs

Of course, in reality, protecting your interests is not as easy as it might seem from our rules. We gave you some good ideas and different options for getting out of difficult situations. But this is not enough.

If you really want to become the person who can stand up for yourself, keep exercising and working on yourself every day. How can you train skills such as knowing your own worth, the ability to defend your rights, the ability to fight for your benefits, etc.?

1. Hang up a sign in a prominent place: “I am a person who knows his own worth. I deserve all the best and I know how to achieve it. " Repeat these words to yourself and out loud in front of the mirror until you make them your firm conviction and credo.

2. Learn to analyze what is in your best interest and what is not. Before making a decision, always write down all the pros and cons, and only then draw a conclusion. Thus, you will learn to fight for what you really need, and not for everything.

3. Think of all the situations in the past when you passed and did not fight for your rights. Imagine what you would do if you were in the same situations now. Enjoy these thoughts. You are now a completely new person, you can handle everything.

4. Try to surround yourself with people who know their worth and know how to fight for their interests. They say to live with wolves - howl like a wolf. Let these people become your teachers and mentors.

The most important thing is to believe in yourself. If you admire how someone of your acquaintances knows how to stand up for themselves, know that this is a sure sign that you, too, have similar abilities. You just haven't allowed them to manifest yet. Stop hiding who you are. You are a strong personality! So, it's time to inform the whole world about it with your actions!

It seems to you that you don't need to push anything with your loved one, but you just need to ask and he will do everything and so with great pleasure, because he loves you. Do you think that mutual understanding is needed in a joint relationship, and not pushing through your position? Sail in the same boat in one direction and this direction you will quietly and peacefully discuss with your man, and he will support and understand you?

Then I can say that it is possible:

- Your man is well trained and really does everything you need for you, at least in basic things,

- You are currently at the stage of acquaintance, falling in love,

- You are still naive and do not want to notice, in fact, obvious things. It doesn't matter how old you are, 30, 40 or 60. You can remain naive even at 90.

And the reality is that in 90% of cases it would not hurt a woman to defend and push her interests and positions. The reality is that common sense and the advice of girlfriends in this matter does not work well.

And another addition. Sometimes they write to me that the man is so good that you don't even need to push your interests. This is extremely rare. And that's why:

- First option- this is when a man is a fairly skillful manipulator and does not explicitly push his interests; if necessary, he waits for time, uses effective means of influence, etc.

And then it turns out that the woman after a while believes that it was she herself who came to some kind of conviction that her man should do little, and she should do a lot. And when she is pointed out to this obvious fact that she works two jobs and does something all day around the house, and the man is resting with friends and lounging often under the guise of "enlightenment" and finds some wonderful explanation for this, that this is so should be. Well, a person is enlightened, how can he be distracted by everyday problems from such great tasks?

— Second option- this is when a man does not really push anything. He's just who he is. Completely infantile, irresponsible, unable to achieve results and make money, a good guy.

He seems to be pushing nothing. It's just that he does not succeed, at least without constant monitoring, reminders, corrections of what he did. His pushing is that he simply does not want to change and become a person who does everything without reminders, control, and quality. He's just a "good guy", and such a profession has not yet been invented.

Why it happens? Why does a woman need to defend her interests? And how is it better for her to do it?

Men have a habit of pushing their position. It's in their blood. They can repeat what they need for years, do not hear objections (or argue until 3 in the morning) and bring the woman to the point that she either gives up, or even worse, becomes like a man and background bickering and arguments begin in the family , swearing.

Example 1.

There is not enough money in the family and sometimes he stays at home without work for several months. (or there is a job, but low-paid). A lot of excuses immediately follow: “I'm looking for a job. I work all day. Don't mind my brain ". Good excuses, but for some reason money is not added from their pronunciation in the family.

And of course, if you dig a little deeper, then behind these excuses lies the usual laziness, disorganization, irresponsibility, unwillingness to learn primitive skills, etc.

Example 2.

A man and a woman have lived together for a couple of years or more. The woman begins to hint that it is time to formalize the relationship. And then the man gives out a tirade of words that seem to have meaning, if they do not dig deeply .

For example: “I love you, but what the stamp in the passport changes is good for us together. We will be together forever. "(Every man who, after 3 years of marriage with a woman, says something like that and does not marry, deserves proud title honored cattle with horns)

And it is not so easy for a woman to break these arguments. After all, for a start, she simply does not wait for them. She thinks that the man will run after her and persuade her to marry. She thinks that he will kneel down and propose to her in a romantic setting. Well, if she doesn't persuade, then at least she will quickly understand her hints. But it turns out that you need to fight the built-up system of arguments.

Well, yes, he seems to love it. It seems that the stamp in the passport does not change anything. What else am I asking, some women think.

Example 3.

A woman feels bad, it hurts because of something in life. It doesn't matter what it is, although more often than not a man did something (or did not, but had to do so that it was good). A woman expects support from a man. She needs to be listened to, asked questions, supported and at least somehow helped to fix the situation through joint efforts. A man can give a couple of idiotic advice and stare at the TV. And then say: “I listened to you. And don't start again at all, you don't understand. And why am I always to blame. Etc".

Conversely, when a man has problems, for the most part not worth a damn, then he runs after the woman until he tells her the same thing for a year or two, and believes that his psychos are due to problems, that he can get drunk, etc. this is quite normal behavior and the reaction will be repeated to something that is often solved in a couple of weeks of moderate effort.

Why it happens? Why Men Seek Their Satisfaction basic needs from a woman (sex, he was listened to and supported, etc.), but for a woman it happens with great difficulty?

Why is a woman even embarrassed to say what she needs?

In each case, there are different reasons. But the most common are upbringing, a sense of duty, a duty to children, not the ability to discuss difficult issues, and the most common is low self-esteem, instilled in childhood.

It happens that I ask: "What words do I need to say for a man to do ... .."? (He began to help, asked for marriage, stopped arguing, etc.)

And, of course, I help to find those words that can help in this case. There are already approximate proven arguments, sets of phrases, answers to standard objections of men, which work better in this or that case.

But I always try to convey the following message to women during consultations.

The words a woman speaks are important. But more important is who pronounces them. If a woman inside believes that she deserves a good attitude from a man, that of course, her basic needs must be realized, then the SAME WORDS will affect a man two, three or even a hundred times stronger.

The belief that you are ABSOLUTELY right, and the man manipulates you, your guilt, sense of duty, etc., will give strength to almost any of your words. And this belief in oneself is developed by reflection, re-reading this and my other articles. And, of course, on working out feelings of guilt and increasing self-esteem. The training can be found in the book.

It is also helpful to reflect on the man's arguments (even if your particular man has not yet spoken them).

We take any example, let it be the same example that they have been living together for more than 1 year and a man does not propose marriage. (Example for example only. For your situation, you need to select your arguments)

If this happens, then before talking and choosing words, you need to be imbued with absolute confidence that such a situation is completely abnormal and the man behaves ugly at least. And as a maximum - a pig in relation to you and to your life.

That is, you talk to yourself, with your friends (if there is someone you can discuss with), where you give opposite arguments. That is, if for a man it does not matter the stamp in the passport, then for you it is very important. It is important from a social point of view (how your relatives perceive you, in a hospital, school, etc.), it is important from the point of view that a man is not indifferent to you. It is important from the point of view of property that becomes jointly acquired. (Roughly speaking, if he doesn't care whether there is a stamp in his passport or not, then let's go and put it on without a wedding and that's it). And so on and so forth. The stamp is important to you, and men who have not proposed for more than a year behave disgustingly. Already either a wedding or would leave and did not give senseless hope to a girl if she does not suit him as a wife.

I repeat that you need to be imbued with your righteousness so much that there can be no doubts.

Second step- these are already arguments and objections. You need to understand that rightness is strength, but you need minimally worked out objections to, in fact, the standard objections of a man.

Above, I have given the standard objections of men to marriage. (I love you anyway. The stamp in the passport does not change anything) It is clear that in other situations the standard objections and answers to them are different. Since there are several dozen situations where a woman needs to push her position, it is impossible to bring them here. Read the book for more confidence.

And when you have faith in your righteousness, when you know how to respond to a man's objections (do not think that they will come to your mind during a conversation), then you will have a conversation in which you can do the maximum push your position.

If you start right away, without preparation, then you will lose and then it will be much more difficult to do everything.(A man can safely say: "Well, we have already discussed this problem several dozen times. Well, why are you back for the old" and will be to some extent right)

And already the third step... If you see that you "went too far" in the first conversation, then do not back down. Have a second and third conversation. (Conversation is a general term. It can be scandal and crying and, of course, ordinary conversation). Read about how to talk to a man in the Get your way.

I do not urge you to achieve your goal in this way, if it is some kind of trinket that clearly goes beyond the budget, for example. But the satisfaction of basic needs must always be achieved. (It is clear that if a man himself does what you need or does it after minimal hints, then you don’t need all these difficulties with preparing arguments, objections, faith in yourself, etc. Just support the actions that you need).

Small addition. Avoid being rude in conversation as much as possible. Harshness yes, rudeness to a minimum or not. Should you start calling a man, swearing, etc., then the conversation may slide to the topic not "You do not support me", for example, but "Why do you call names." (Although there is social groups, where rudeness is normally perceived in a conversation). The best way to avoid being rude is to take too long. There is no need to wait several months or years for a man to figure out something. Get your way, achieve according to the algorithm and there will be much less reasons to call a man someone.

So let's summarize.

Men, when it comes to meeting the basic needs of a woman (romance, marriage, children, emotional support, on her side with his parents, minimum family income), behave like real cattle farms.

And in this article I am not talking about "bad" men, with whom it is better not to deal with at all. We are talking about 80% of the most ordinary men.

They take advantage of the fact that you, lovely women, lack confidence, a bunch of complexes, a sense of guilt. You need to be sure to seek the stars from the sky, and that, without which you cannot feel at least a little happy. Get your way. Don't be fooled by his excuses and your life will be much better!

Best regards, Rashid Kirranov.

Rule # 1First impression

So, you are about to apply for a new job. You sent out your resume to all the big companies, and now you finally get a call back and invite you for an interview. Fine! It's time to take courage and defend your interests!

"How? - you ask. - After all, I just re-bluffed the threshold of this office. Not the fact that they will take me. You have to like it first, and only then start downloading the rights! " On the one hand, this is, of course, true. But, on the other hand, why are you so sure that the employer will like you if you just nod obsequiously, assent, and to the question: "What salary would you like to receive?" - mumble something like: "I don't need much ..."

Stop! It won't work that way. Today, truly serious companies are interested in finding employees who know what they need and who are able to defend their rights. If you are asked why you left your previous job, do not hesitate to tell the truth: "I was not satisfied with the salary level / lack of career prospects / working seven days a week." Do not be shy. After all, your sincerity will help the employer to better understand what you are striving for and how you represent further cooperation. If you are interested as a potential employee, they will definitely not try to offer you a low-paid position.

Another subtle point is the salary talk. As soon as the employer asks the insidious question: "How much would you like to receive?" or “What salary are you counting on?”, how most people for some reason go stupid before our eyes, go numb and completely forget how much money they need for a comfortable, quiet life.

So, for example, my friend Lika once got into a mess at an interview in a very prestigious (and very rich company). She so passionately wanted to get a job in this particular company that to the question: "Will a salary of five hundred dollars suit you?" - without hesitation blurted out "yes". And only then I remembered that even the rent of her apartment costs six hundred dollars. Do not hurry. If you are offered a job under certain conditions, feel free to take time out and think it over. In cases where you are not satisfied with the estimated salary, do not be afraid to honestly admit it. Do not think that you will be considered greedy or arrogant. Not at all. This is how much you value yourself and your work. So even if you are uncomfortable, go overboard and ask for the salary you want to receive. After all, if you get turned down, the awkwardness will last no more than five minutes, and if the employer agrees to your terms, you will receive good money for a very long time. So it's worth the risk.

Rule # 2We fill our own worth

When you first join a new company, it is not difficult to impersonate a first-class employee with the corresponding ambitions and demands. But what if you have been working in your company for a long time, and your bosses are not thinking of promoting you?

Do I need to talk to my boss about the salary? The answer is simple: yes, yes, and yes again! A lot of employees make the same mistake: they keep silent, until the very last moment they believe that sooner or later the boss "will notice what a good employee I am and will raise me himself." It's just silly to hope so. Your boss is probably a busy person, and he does not have to walk around the office and "notice" something.

If you are overwhelmed by thoughts like: “Why did he promote this fool Katka, and not me? I work a hundred times more! " or “Doesn't he see that it’s very difficult for my salary to survive and feed my family?”, you know, your boss is not aware of what it’s like to “survive on your salary,” and has no idea that you are working more than Katka. Why? Because you didn't tell him about it! And Katka, apparently, had time to hurry up and now enjoys a raise, a raise in salary and a new office. So why don't you do the same?

The easiest way to start talking about a raise is to use the situation when the boss is happy with you. If you showed yourself well in some project or your boss praised you publicly, it's time to seize the moment! Make an appointment with him. Thank him for his attention to your work. Say you appreciate his praise. You might say something like, “I really value working for this company, my career means a lot to me, and I'm ready to work even harder. But I would like to know if I can count on a raise and a raise in salary? If so, how soon? "

However, sometimes conflict situations also lead to an increase. For example, my uncle worked in a low-paid, but beloved job. He worked there only because he adored his profession and enjoyed every working day, the respect of the team and superiors. But one day he made a minor mistake. The boss called him “on the carpet” and lectured him for a long time. By the end of the monologue, my uncle's patience snapped: "So, since I am such a bad employee, great, fire me and look for another fool who will work hard for such a penny." The boss fussed and immediately said that he had not even thought about dismissal, just continue to be more careful and ... “But now I am thinking about dismissal,” said my uncle, “I am not going to work where I am not appreciated. Either you double my salary, or I leave. " Of course, he was promoted. Because it is unprofitable for anyone to lose truly valuable personnel!

Rule No. 3Worker at the machine

How long is your working day? Eight hours? Day? From dusk to dawn? Is it normal that you spin like a squirrel in a wheel day and night long? Have you not earned the right to rest and privacy?

If you are not a civil servant, then you have probably faced a similar problem more than once. The official working day, it seems, should last from ten in the morning to seven in the evening, but at nineteen zero-zero you cannot leave the workplace and rush to the elevator at full speed, because literally half an hour before the end of the work shift, the boss asked you to urgently complete the documents / contact a dozen clients / prepare a report, etc. So you have to stay at work late, remembering your student years and the student saying "It's a long night."

Yes, let during university studies you could easily walk all day long, ignoring especially boring couples, and wrote your diploma in one night. You are at work now. And you probably work for days too. So late evening and night is not a time for Stakhanov's jerks and labor exploits, but for a healthy sleep.

It is in your best interest to maintain a normal schedule! After all, everyone has the right to rest, privacy and health. Constantly working overtime will hardly help you become a more valuable employee or increase your monthly income.

But why? Will help! True, by that time you will have already managed to significantly undermine your physical and mental health, in this case the money earned will not be spent on buying a car, new clothes, a refrigerator and other benefits of life, but on medicines and sanatoriums.

Therefore, learn to fight for your rights today. If your boss has given you an unrealistic amount of work and ridiculously short deadlines, don't act like a dumb plantation slave. Open your mouth and say something like:

- I am glad that you believe in my ability to work, but it is impossible to redo all these matters in such a short time from the standpoint of pure mathematics. Let's determine which of these is the most urgent and which can wait.

- Thanks for the assignment. I realized. Today my working day is already over, but tomorrow morning, the first thing I do is take it up and settle everything.

- Sorry, but this is not my job. Do you want to revise them? Then let's review my salary at the same time.

- I understand that your assignment is urgent. I can complete such a volume of work in such a timeframe, but it will cost so much.

Rule No. 4The right to make mistakes

There are no perfect people. Even the most impeccable employee, even the most brilliant professional, has probably made a mistake at least once in his career. What if this happened to you?

If you have made some mistake or miscalculation, the first thing you should do is forgive yourself. Torment over the deed is not only meaningless, but also harmful. You have to forgive yourself. You are not perfect. Who is perfect? It could happen to anyone. Draw conclusions from the situation and try to take what happened as a lesson. After you do this, be on the lookout. Now you will most likely have to defend your interests.

Why? Because, having made some mistake at work, you gave your colleagues and superiors the opportunity to move you and infringe on your rights. It is professional punctures that often provoke all kinds of fines, lower wages and even dismissal.

For example, my friend Veronica, a student of a theater university, once worked as a presenter at a pretentious corporate party. In the midst of the event, she accidentally mixed up the script sheets and misrepresented one of the VIP guests, calling him a producer while he was a composer. It would seem that the mistake was not so terrible, but the VIP-guest did not think so. He threw a veritable tantrum. A scandal began behind the scenes. Veronica, instead of leading the evening as if nothing had happened, went to listen to reproaches and threats from the producer and director of the event. As a result, her mood was irrevocably ruined, and she spent the rest of the party crumpled and nervous. After the end of the event, she did not receive a dime for her work.

- Be glad that we have not fined you yet, - they told her, - be glad that we didn’t cut off your oxygen in this city at all. Yes, if we want, you will not work anywhere else at all. So thank us.

Veronica said "thank you" and left with nothing. Why did it happen? Was Veronica's mistake so terrible and unforgivable? Of course not. It's just that the organizers of the event noticed in time that the girl felt guilty and scared, and decided to play on it in order to save money.

Don't punish yourself like that. Be confident in yourself. One mistake cannot negate all your previous achievements. So do not hesitate to sit down at the negotiating table. And discuss in detail with the authorities what happened. You can take full responsibility for eliminating the consequences of your puncture. But don't let yourself be robbed of the money you have earned. After all, you have done your job. Because something doesn't work out, you don't have to lose everything.

Rule No. 5Woodpecker syndrome, or should you “knock” on colleagues

History has known times when informers flourished. It used to be profitable to “knock” on acquaintances. And now? Will a denunciation of a colleague help to defend their interests?

Of course, many large corporations today live according to the harsh laws of the jungle: the strongest wins (see also: the cunning, the meanest, the bravest). Quite a few promotions have taken place after fellow competitors were “laid down” by their superiors.

A striking example is my friend Nina. Once she was a simple sales representative, but after one "lucky chance" she was able to hook her boss and he was fired. To take a warm chair, Nina went to the owner of the company and reported which of her colleagues - sales representatives took the state money, and who was rude to customers. So Nina got a promotion. But at the new place she did not stay long. Becoming the boss of those whom she herself had previously passed, Nina managed to turn the entire department against herself. In the end, the angry subordinates joined forces and drove her out of the firm. Morality is as old as the world: evil always returns, like good ...

If you have reported on someone, be sure - sooner or later they will report on you. Another situation is when you got access to some information that is really needed by the authorities. For example, your subordinate got into the state money, you found out and decided to cover him up in front of big bosses. Think carefully before doing this. In this case, you take on a huge responsibility. And if some facts come up, suspicion will fall on you, moreover, you can be made guilty. And then other people's problems will turn into yours.

In short, each case deserves a separate consideration. Weigh everything carefully before making a decision. If you hate to play the role of an informer who sneaks at his colleagues behind your back, you can play in the open. For example, honestly tell your colleague that you received some unpleasant information about him and are going to pass it on to your boss. You can even apologize in advance. But you shouldn't sacrifice your own interests to cover up someone's wrongdoing.

Rule No. 6Smoke breaks policy

Friends are in short supply. Friends are easy to make in childhood and adolescence: classmates, classmates and even kindergarten mates or a circle of chorus / gymnasts / judokas. Where can an adult find friends?

"Of course, in your office!" - you will think and ... you will be mistaken. That is, you are not completely wrong. Friendship with colleagues is in your best interest. It's good when the team loves and respects you. It's good when you have someone to go to lunch with and someone to smoke with on the stairs. It's just great if your colleague can cover you in front of the boss with some one hundred percent alibi like: “Don't worry, she's only delayed because her tire is flat. Will come any minute. " But there are a number of situations and cases where friendship (or just too close relationships with colleagues) not only does not benefit you, but also directly infringes on your interests. Here are the most common examples of friendships that threaten your personal interests.

1. In a fit of candor (or stupidity), you let your colleague know how much you are getting. And he / she - dumbfounded by this amount - was imbued with envy, negativity and, as a result, the desire to kick you out of a warm place. The moral is simple - answer all inquiries about your income: "Commercial secret." The money question arose between many close friends.

2. You and a colleague-friend have to compete. And how will your friendship be built? Will you play giveaway, specifically trying not to increase your sales too much so that the other will not be offended? Not worth it. At work, you should always remain a high-level professional and work to your fullest. And may the strongest win.

3. Your friend is being promoted. And you quietly envy and wonder why he is better than you. This is where the office friendship ends.

4. You, in a fit of resentment or resentment, complain to your office friend about the boss, using a lot of unprintable words and obscene language. And your colleague at the right time passes them on to your boss behind your back. You can only guess: why was I fined / demoted / removed from this project / fired?

In a word, friendship is wonderful. But be careful. Don't let warm internal relationships ruin your career and hurt your interests!

Rule No. 7Taming the bosses

Some believe that communicating with the authorities is a sophisticated torture. Others say it's an obstacle course. And we believe that communication with bosses is an ideal chance to defend your interests and strengthen your position in the company.

The biggest stress for my friend Lida has always been the road to work. The fact is that every day she went to the office on the same regular bus. And since her boss, by a strange coincidence, lived in a neighboring yard, they usually drove together.

- And why are you so worried? - I was surprised, - well, you think, you go by the same bus? So what's wrong with that?

“Yes, I don’t know how to behave,” said Lida, “either to say hello, or to pretend that I don’t notice. And is it necessary to sit down on the next seat on purpose? And keep the conversation going? Necessarily? Or vice versa? Maybe he won't like the fact that I go to him every morning with conversations. Or maybe, on the contrary, he will say, some kind of boor, ignoring me. I'm afraid he'll fire me because of these morning trips.

Of course, it is pointless to be afraid. On the contrary, all events in life should be taken as a CHANCE. A chance to change everything for the better. If, due to certain circumstances, you are forced to regularly communicate with your boss, use this to your advantage. You can take this unique opportunity to draw his attention to your work and your person.

The first approach to the big boss is not only possible, but also necessary. At the very least, good manners are required to say hello. And then, using non-verbal signals, you can easily determine whether your boss is inclined to communicate or not? Gestures of openness will tell you that your boss is in touch with you and communicating with you. In this case, you can safely start a conversation and even voice some of your wishes and requests for work and career advancement.

Openness gestures include: "palms outward" (when a person opens his hands, as it were, turning his palms towards the sky), "unbuttoning clothes" (of course, you can unbutton your jacket due to weather conditions, but psychologists note that for many people this is a gesture of openness and trust). If, on the other hand, your boss uses one of the closed gestures or defensive postures, you should not intrusively meddle with conversations. A signal to retreat for you can be: crossing your arms over your chest, arms hidden behind your back or in your pocket. However, you should not take all gestures without exception at your own expense. Sometimes they hide their hands in their pockets from the cold, and aggressive gestures are not provoked by you at all, but by unpleasant memories. In a word, you should not rush to conclusions, just as you should not avoid additional communication with your superiors, which can greatly help in achieving your goals.

Rule No. 8The king is dead, long live the king!

What if your good old boss has changed. And now corporate power has been usurped by an outsider? What to do? How do I keep my positions? Or maybe conquer new ones?

Of course, it's in your best interest to please the new chef! As soon as he comes to a new company, even for a very high position, a person needs to get comfortable, find allies and like-minded people. Therefore, it is not so difficult to win over a new boss. The main thing is a competent approach, and your career interests will begin to be realized one after another. In order not to spend your whole life defending your own professional benefits, you can try hard once to build a relationship with your boss.

Here are some simple commandments for someone who is not afraid to be one of the chef's favorites.

1. Be kind. Getting started in a new place is never easy. Your new boss may well feel some discomfort in an unfamiliar office and unfamiliar team. Help him get comfortable. Of course, there is no need to impose. But it is imperative to make contact. For example, escort the boss to the cafeteria or show him where the coffee machines are.

2. When talking to your new boss, never speak too well or too badly of your old boss. If you praise your former boss, it will be interpreted as a challenge or an attempt to undermine: “What a superboss we had. Everyone loved him, and now because of you he is gone. Will you be able to match his level? " If you scold your former boss, you will thereby show your disrespect and shortsightedness. The new boss may decide that you are sucking up. (And who knows, perhaps after he leaves, you will spread the same unseemly rumors.)

3. Do not belittle your abilities and merits. Of course, modesty beautifies. But if you have to win the respect of a stranger, show yourself in all your splendor - otherwise how will the new boss guess that you are a real nugget and a very valuable employee? It is in your best interest to showcase your talents. And in any case do not belittle your merits. For example, you shouldn't say, “Our department has increased sales by thirty percent,” if in fact you were increasing those sales alone. So do not hesitate to "yak". Be honest: “I organized an advertising campaign,” “I developed a tax reduction system,” “I proposed a new strategy,” etc.

Rule No. 9Love affair at work

The triangle is the most dangerous geometric shape in love. And what if the love triangle looks a little unusual: you are your loved one - your favorite job. Yes, what if you have a common job and similar interests?

It's not easy to have an office romance. It generates a lot of factors that infringe on your personal interests: here and gossip of colleagues, and the need to compete with your loved one, and, most importantly, a very difficult dilemma: whose career is more important?

Of course, the easiest way (especially if your romance is not so long and rose-colored glasses have not yet slept) is to shrug and say: "Of course his / her career is more important." And yet, if you look at things with a sober eye, it becomes clear that this way of thinking is extremely short-sighted. On what basis did you conclude that your career is not important? Why are you giving up the palm to your partner? Don't you think you deserve professional growth and brilliant prospects?

So, for example, my colleague Ulyana met her future husband at her favorite job. They were both journalists, very ambitious and disruptive. Ilya was not as hardworking as Ulyana, but he was not devoid of talent. Therefore, for some time their careers developed in sync. But one fine day the editor called Ulyana and offered her his position: “I am moving to another magazine and would like to recommend you for my position. You are capable and responsible, you can handle it. " Ulyana happily agreed and a month later was sitting in the editorial chair.

At first, Ilya, it would seem, was even happy for his bride. But very soon the problems began. Ilya changed for no apparent reason, began to come home later: "This high bosses like you, Ulyana, can leave the office at six, and journalists, if you remember, have to work day and night."

Ulyana could not calmly edit her lover's articles, knowing that each of her amendments could cause another domestic quarrel. In the end, even their wedding, which they had planned six months before Ulyanin's promotion, was in jeopardy. Ilya said that he was not going to be a gigolo and henpecked, and therefore refuses to marry a woman above him in position and status. And Ulyana gave up. She left her editorial position and went to work as a correspondent for another publication. And Ilya deftly took up the vacant editorial position.

Of course, it is generally accepted that sacrifice in the name of love is a noble cause. However, before you go to them, ask yourself again: which is easier for you - to find a new job or a new love. Sometimes it is more profitable to maintain a relationship, sometimes a career. Try to analyze what is in your best interests and follow the intended strategy.

Rule No. 10Hi Monica Lewinsky

Not so long ago, no one in Russia knew the word "harassment". However, this does not mean that there was no sexual harassment in our offices. There were, they just preferred to keep quiet about them.

Hiding such "shameful" facts of the biography, as the harassment of their own boss, most girls, on the one hand, protect their business reputation, but, on the other hand, forever close the possibility of resistance and struggle against such orders. Unfortunately, it’s common for a girl today not to get promoted just because she refused to have an intimate relationship with her boss. And this state of affairs is considered quite normal and commonplace. At least few of the employees are going to sue their boss if, say, he decides to pinch for a soft spot. And our legislation, unfortunately, does not provide for laws that protect against harassment.

And nevertheless, it is possible and necessary to defend one's interests. At least there are several proven methods “eat a fish and climb the tree”, that is, on the one hand, to get all professional benefits - from career growth to a raise in salary, and on the other, not to pay for it with an intimate relationship.

First, don't be silent! If you have been sexually harassed, do not be ashamed to hide this fact. After all, you are the injured party! Let your colleagues know about it. Perhaps they also got into a similar situation, but were embarrassed to say. If it turns out that there were many victims of sexual harassment by the authorities, the fight for your rights will be greatly simplified. Not to mention that bad word of mouth will tarnish your boss's business reputation and he may lose his job.

Those who coerce count on your silence. And most of the victims do choose to remain silent, thereby reinforcing the boss's confidence in his righteousness and impunity.

You can try to collect evidence of harassment. For example, put the recorder in your pocket and record one of your conversations.

One friend of mine, Nastya, did this. She entered the boss's office and asked bluntly: “Viktor Petrovich, I want to make sure once again that I understood you correctly: that is, you are telling me that if I don’t have sex with you, you will achieve my dismissal. And you are sure that you have enough strength for this. In my opinion, the questions of personnel reshuffles are not decided by you, but by your boss, Artur Grigorievich. " Viktor Petrovich swallowed the bait and began to smugly threaten Nastya, drawing bleak prospects of unemployment. Nastya nodded, after which she went straight to the office of Artur Grigorievich, who was the head of her boss, and let him listen to the recording. I think there is no need to explain who was fired in the end.

Rule No. 11Forever partners!

Another difficult situation is communication with the partner-clients of the firm. All business sharks learned a long time ago: the client is always right! And if the client is wrong, see point one. The question arises: if the client is always right, then how to make sure that you, an employee of the company, are not guilty?

Pleasing, pleasing and pleasing again - this is the policy of the majority of employees in relation to partners and clients of the firm. It is believed that companions should be cajoled with all available means. But still, there are boundaries of reason. So, how to establish successful communication and cooperation without giving up your interests and benefits?

First, try not to waste your personal time and money on communicating with partners. If your bosses want you not only to negotiate with clients, but also to entertain them in every possible way, "walk" in saunas, pubs and nightclubs, then stipulate the conditions of such a "working" regime in advance. Would you be credited with hours spent with partners in an informal setting? Are you reimbursed for entertainment expenses? Feel free to be the first to bring up this topic.

For example, my friend Polina spent a whole week with visiting partners from Germany. At the request of her boss, she took them to sights, museums, and fed them in the most expensive restaurants in the city. The Germans had a great vacation in Moscow, but when it came to signing the necessary contracts, for the sake of which all these parties were started, they backed up. Polina's boss was furious. He fired Polina because she "went on a spree for a whole week and did not show up in the office," although everyone knew that Polina was on a task from the management. And she was left without work, without money (partying in Moscow was always an overhead affair) and without the slightest idea of ​​what she did wrong and how she should be?

In short, no matter how much you want to please your partners, know when to stop. And don't let the boss make you the scapegoat.

Rule No. 12St. Bartholomew's night, or How not to get into a mess at a corporate party

Corporate parties were invented by someone very tricky. It was believed that at a corporate party in an informal setting, subordinates can show themselves in the most favorable light before their superiors. In fact, most of the layoffs occur precisely on the days after cheerful corporate nights ...

Yes, a corporate evening is like a roulette wheel: you can win the attention of your superiors, interest in your person, respect and increased status, or you can disgrace yourself in front of the entire work collective and lose. So, what principles of conduct at a corporate event can serve your interests?

1. Strictly follow the dress code. If the invitation says evening gown / tie, take the trouble to dress appropriately. And no excuses like: "I'm just a secretary / accountant / trainee and why will I dress up like a ball." Representative appearance is very important. It is in your best interest for the bosses and partners to see you not as a simple secretary / cleaner / trainee, but as a worthy face of the company.

2. Don't drink too much alcohol. You should not perceive corporate evenings in the spirit of "hurray, today we are drinking for free!". This is very short-sighted. Try to know when to stop and stay sober. You don't have to drink every time you make another toast to the company's prosperity. It is enough just to clink glasses with everyone and sip a little champagne.

3. Try to communicate more. Show yourself as a multifaceted, versatile personality. Of course, it is not worth "loading" those present with work questions in order to prove their diligence and efficiency. Otherwise, at best, you will be mistaken for a workaholic-bore. You can start a conversation about books you read, theater, art, politics. Just do not rush to express yourself too categorically. Otherwise, you risk criticizing Pelevin and only then find out that your boss, it turns out, is crazy about him.

Thus, being sober and acting appropriately is the best way to protect your interests at a corporate party.

Rule No. 13Diplomat for soap!

Some people confuse rational self-advocacy with the notorious swing of rights. This is a big mistake! Here are some examples of when you shouldn't push back and prove your point of view in every possible way!

So, you show excessive stubbornness and swing your rights if:

1. You are trying to blackmail your bosses: "Either you raise my salary, or I go to a competing firm." Of course, employer intimidation sometimes pays off. But be aware: this method only works once. If you appear with such threats every week or month, it will be easier for the bosses to replace you than to satisfy your endless demands.

2. Ask the impossible. For example, you ask for an unrealistic fee for your work, although you know very well that services of this kind are actually much cheaper. Or insist on a prohibitive amount, knowing that the project budget does not allow it. Of course, it is not only possible, but also necessary to apply for a good salary. But the numbers must be real. If you are asking for dizzying fees, knowing that the firm cannot afford to pay each accountant five thousand dollars a month, I would like to ask: what are you counting on? Do you think employers will be so impressed by your competence that they will get the missing funds out of the ground? This is unlikely. It will be easier for them to find a less demanding specialist. And you can be branded "prima" and "impudent" who overestimate themselves and their abilities.

3. You work on the principle of both ours and yours. In an effort to make more money, you work for two competing firms. It would seem, what could be more logical? Since the days of Truffaldino, people have learned that being a "servant of two masters" is very beneficial. On the other hand, most firms categorically prohibit their employees from working in this manner. And the well-known principle may work: you chase two hares, you won't catch a single one. Your duplicity can end badly, especially if the firm's security service takes over. So in your pursuit of earnings, it is in your best interest to stick to what is permitted by your firm's charter.

Rule No. 14Corporate carnage

Even in conditions of peace and quiet, it is not easy to defend your interests. What can we say about conflict situations, when you think not so much about your own benefits as about not losing your place in the company at all ...

Still, you should never fold. Even if an avalanche of reproaches, complaints, negativity, gossip and other career troubles fell on you, do not forget about your rights and benefits. A massive psychological attack, of course, puts a lot of pressure on the nervous system. If, as a result of some situation, everyone in the office is up in arms against you, know that you are being provoked. The purpose of the provocation is to lead you to aggression, blind rage, which will force you to commit rash acts, for example, leave the company, loudly slamming the door and not taking the material compensation due to you (“here, they say, we are so proud”).

Another option for psychological pressure: reproaches and appeals to your conscience in order to instill in you a feeling of guilt for something. Don't give in. A person who truly loves himself will never be tormented in vain. If you are really to blame for something and can fix the situation, do it and forget. If you are to blame, but you cannot change something, ask for forgiveness, and most importantly, forgive yourself and forget, let go of the negative situation. Because otherwise, guilt, like a bag of bricks, will always pull you back and stand across your interests.

So, for example, my friend Nikolay worked for a long time as a sales manager in a large company and was seriously aiming for the position of a sector manager. But once, when the results of the employees were announced at one of the planning meetings, Nikolai had the worst result. It wasn't that scary. He fulfilled the sales plan, he just lagged slightly behind his colleagues in terms of indicators, and they, of course, did not miss the opportunity to undermine his self-esteem and self-confidence. As if by agreement, they began to turn an ordinary work situation into a conflict one. Some approached with words of sympathy, others with reproaches, others with ridicule and sarcastic comments.

Nikolai could not diplomatically and competently sort out this situation, make it work for his own interests. Constant "assaults" of colleagues very soon led to the fact that Nikolai resigned. He had to start all over again at another firm.

Of course, none of this would have happened if he had tried to use the situation to his advantage. For example, he perceived his temporary defeat as an incentive to go ahead by leaps and bounds, and then with passion would have embarked on the pursuit of high sales.

Remember: in any situation, even in the most impasse, there is some benefit for you. Learn to see and use it!

Rule No. 15Discrimination is prohibited

Today everyone knows what discrimination is. Even sixth graders learn this concept in the school history course. Unfortunately, discrimination is by no means a historical term. It can be encountered in real life to this day.

My best friend is a very popular model in the capital. Her name is Katherine and her appearance is as beautiful and exotic as her name. Catherine is a mulatto, charming and sociable, she is one of those girls who immediately attracts people to herself and is constantly surrounded by caring friends.

Once, Katherine was having dinner with her old acquaintance Vitaly. They discussed the past summer, plans for the future, career successes.

- Listen, why haven't you appeared on the cover of N magazine? - asked Vitaly. - This is a great, prestigious men's magazine, you would increase your status by becoming their cover girl.

- Yes, in fact, I would love to, - said Catherine, - but how to arrange it? It's not so easy for them to get to the casting.

- Nonsense! Their editor-in-chief is a close friend of mine. Now I will call him and tell him about you, - and with these words Vitaly resolutely dialed the phone number:

- Hello, Gen, hello, how are you? Nothing? Look, I'm having dinner here with a girl, her name is Catherine O., she's a model, a real beauty. Have you heard of this? Ah, even saw her in commercials ?! Well, even more so! Would you like to put it on your cover? No? And why? Well, okay ... - And Vitaly pressed the hang-up.

- Well? - asked Katherine.

- I refused, - Vitaly stated in perplexity, - it's a pity ...

- Come on, it's okay, think about it, - Katherine shrugged her shoulders, - but he did not explain why?

- He said they basically do not publish photos of black models. Sorry, he says, they have a format - only the Caucasian race.

“I see,” Catherine smiled.

But in reality, nothing was clear. The twenty-first century is in the yard, but discrimination and infringement of rights on the basis of gender, race, nationality, etc., are still taking place. How to deal with this? How to defend your interests?

1. Do not try to get rid of the attribute on which you are being discriminated against. That is, if you are a woman, do not try to look more masculine. If you are Japanese, do not try to widen your eyes; if you are Georgian, do not hide your nose. We all know the example of Michael Jackson, who tried to change the race, and we all know how it ended.

2. Emphasize your personality. ("Yes, I am a woman, that is why I can handle the position of department manager. The department needs a real mistress!" .)

3. When faced with discrimination, do not give up immediately: “Well, what are my chances! Only men / Russians / Muscovites are accepted there! " If each of us folds, the situation will never change for the better.

Rule No. 16Friendship is friendship, but money apart

It would seem, what could be more convenient, reliable and profitable than a joint business with your friends? In fact, not everything is so simple. The point is, good friends don't always turn out to be good workers. Are bad employees in your best interest?

One friend of mine likes to repeat: if you want to get rid of a friend, take him to your work. And there is some truth in this. Of course, everyone needs their own people everywhere. It would seem how good it is to work hand in hand with a close and trusted friend. Still, there are a number of reasons why you shouldn't hire buddies, recommend them to your superiors, or start a joint business. It's just not in your best interest, because:

1. It is difficult to assess the work and professional qualities of a loved one fairly objectively. Of course, it seems to us that our friends are super talented and mega-competent. In practice, you can inadvertently be convinced of the opposite. This is unlikely to benefit your career or your friendship.

2. It is difficult to criticize a close friend, and working together usually involves criticism. If you are not demanding enough of your friend, it will turn out that as an employee he works very mediocre. And that would hardly be of any use to the cause. In addition, it is very difficult to give orders, directions and instructions to a subordinate with whom you usually go to barbecues and meet for an evening cocktail every Friday.

3. All your work problems will become personal problems. That is, if earlier you could come and complain to a friend about slow creators or an angry boss, now you have to keep your problems to yourself, since your friend is this very slow creator.

4. If you have recommended your friend for a certain position, and he was not competent enough, then the demand will be with you, and you may be guilty. On the other hand, if you characterize your friend truthfully, he may be offended by you. Thus, the likelihood of being caught between a rock and a hard place is too high.

The conclusion is simple. Think soberly and sensibly! Only hire or recommend a friend if they are truly ideal for the job. No need to mix it with the professional personal! This is not in your best interest, for you can easily screw up both.

How to learn to defend your interests? 49 simple rules Isaeva Victoria Sergeevna

Chapter 1 Corporate Games, or How to Defend Your Interests at Work

Corporate games, or How to defend your interests at work

Rule # 1

First impression

So, you are about to apply for a new job. You sent out your resume to all the big companies, and now you finally get a call back and invite you for an interview. Fine! It's time to take courage and defend your interests!

"How? - you ask. - After all, I just re-bluffed the threshold of this office. Not the fact that they will take me. You have to like it first, and only then start downloading the rights! " On the one hand, this is, of course, true. But, on the other hand, why are you so sure that the employer will like you if you just nod obsequiously, assent, and to the question: "What salary would you like to receive?" - mumble something like: "I don't need much ..."

Stop! It won't work that way. Today, truly serious companies are interested in finding employees who know what they need and who are able to defend their rights. If you are asked why you left your previous job, do not hesitate to tell the truth: "I was not satisfied with the salary level / lack of career prospects / working seven days a week." Do not be shy. After all, your sincerity will help the employer to better understand what you are striving for and how you represent further cooperation. If you are interested as a potential employee, they will definitely not try to offer you a low-paid position.

Another subtle point is the salary talk. As soon as the employer asks the insidious question: "How much would you like to receive?" or “What salary are you counting on?”, how most people for some reason go stupid before our eyes, go numb and completely forget how much money they need for a comfortable, quiet life.

So, for example, my friend Lika once got into a mess at an interview in a very prestigious (and very rich company). She so passionately wanted to get a job in this particular company that to the question: "Will a salary of five hundred dollars suit you?" - without hesitation blurted out "yes". And only then I remembered that even the rent of her apartment costs six hundred dollars. Do not hurry. If you are offered a job under certain conditions, feel free to take time out and think it over. In cases where you are not satisfied with the estimated salary, do not be afraid to honestly admit it. Do not think that you will be considered greedy or arrogant. Not at all. This is how much you value yourself and your work. So even if you are uncomfortable, go overboard and ask for the salary you want to receive. After all, if you get turned down, the awkwardness will last no more than five minutes, and if the employer agrees to your terms, you will receive good money for a very long time. So it's worth the risk.

Rule # 2

We fill our own worth

When you first join a new company, it is not difficult to impersonate a first-class employee with the corresponding ambitions and demands. But what if you have been working in your company for a long time, and your bosses are not thinking of promoting you?

Do I need to talk to my boss about the salary? The answer is simple: yes, yes, and yes again! A lot of employees make the same mistake: they keep silent, until the very last moment they believe that sooner or later the boss "will notice what a good employee I am and will raise me himself." It's just silly to hope so. Your boss is probably a busy person, and he does not have to walk around the office and "notice" something.

If you are overwhelmed by thoughts like: “Why did he promote this fool Katka, and not me? I work a hundred times more! " or “Doesn't he see that it’s very difficult for my salary to survive and feed my family?”, you know, your boss is not aware of what it’s like to “survive on your salary,” and has no idea that you are working more than Katka. Why? Because you didn't tell him about it! And Katka, apparently, had time to hurry up and now enjoys a raise, a raise in salary and a new office. So why don't you do the same?

The easiest way to start talking about a raise is to use the situation when the boss is happy with you. If you showed yourself well in some project or your boss praised you publicly, it's time to seize the moment! Make an appointment with him. Thank him for his attention to your work. Say you appreciate his praise. You might say something like, “I really value working for this company, my career means a lot to me, and I'm ready to work even harder. But I would like to know if I can count on a raise and a raise in salary? If so, how soon? "

However, sometimes conflict situations also lead to an increase. For example, my uncle worked in a low-paid, but beloved job. He worked there only because he adored his profession and enjoyed every working day, the respect of the team and superiors. But one day he made a minor mistake. The boss called him “on the carpet” and lectured him for a long time. By the end of the monologue, my uncle's patience snapped: "So, since I am such a bad employee, great, fire me and look for another fool who will work hard for such a penny." The boss fussed and immediately said that he had not even thought about dismissal, just continue to be more careful and ... “But now I am thinking about dismissal,” said my uncle, “I am not going to work where I am not appreciated. Either you double my salary, or I leave. " Of course, he was promoted. Because it is unprofitable for anyone to lose truly valuable personnel!

Rule No. 3

Worker at the machine

How long is your working day? Eight hours? Day? From dusk to dawn? Is it normal that you spin like a squirrel in a wheel day and night long? Have you not earned the right to rest and privacy?

If you are not a civil servant, then you have probably faced a similar problem more than once. The official working day, it seems, should last from ten in the morning to seven in the evening, but at nineteen zero-zero you cannot leave the workplace and rush to the elevator at full speed, because literally half an hour before the end of the work shift, the boss asked you to urgently complete the documents / contact a dozen clients / prepare a report, etc. So you have to stay at work late, remembering your student years and the student saying "It's a long night."

Yes, let during university studies you could easily walk all day long, ignoring especially boring couples, and wrote your diploma in one night. You are at work now. And you probably work for days too. So late evening and night is not a time for Stakhanov's jerks and labor exploits, but for a healthy sleep.

It is in your best interest to maintain a normal schedule! After all, everyone has the right to rest, privacy and health. Constantly working overtime will hardly help you become a more valuable employee or increase your monthly income.

But why? Will help! True, by that time you will have already managed to significantly undermine your physical and mental health, in this case the money earned will not be spent on buying a car, new clothes, a refrigerator and other benefits of life, but on medicines and sanatoriums.

Therefore, learn to fight for your rights today. If your boss has given you an unrealistic amount of work and ridiculously short deadlines, don't act like a dumb plantation slave. Open your mouth and say something like:

- I am glad that you believe in my ability to work, but it is impossible to redo all these matters in such a short time from the standpoint of pure mathematics. Let's determine which of these is the most urgent and which can wait.

- Thanks for the assignment. I realized. Today my working day is already over, but tomorrow morning, the first thing I do is take it up and settle everything.

- Sorry, but this is not my job. Do you want to revise them? Then let's review my salary at the same time.

- I understand that your assignment is urgent. I can complete such a volume of work in such a timeframe, but it will cost so much.

Rule No. 4

The right to make mistakes

There are no perfect people. Even the most impeccable employee, even the most brilliant professional, has probably made a mistake at least once in his career. What if this happened to you?

If you have made some mistake or miscalculation, the first thing you should do is forgive yourself. Torment over the deed is not only meaningless, but also harmful. You have to forgive yourself. You are not perfect. Who is perfect? It could happen to anyone. Draw conclusions from the situation and try to take what happened as a lesson. After you do this, be on the lookout. Now you will most likely have to defend your interests.

Why? Because, having made some mistake at work, you gave your colleagues and superiors the opportunity to move you and infringe on your rights. It is professional punctures that often provoke all kinds of fines, lower wages and even dismissal.

For example, my friend Veronica, a student of a theater university, once worked as a presenter at a pretentious corporate party. In the midst of the event, she accidentally mixed up the script sheets and misrepresented one of the VIP guests, calling him a producer while he was a composer. It would seem that the mistake was not so terrible, but the VIP-guest did not think so. He threw a veritable tantrum. A scandal began behind the scenes. Veronica, instead of leading the evening as if nothing had happened, went to listen to reproaches and threats from the producer and director of the event. As a result, her mood was irrevocably ruined, and she spent the rest of the party crumpled and nervous. After the end of the event, she did not receive a dime for her work.

- Be glad that we have not fined you yet, - they told her, - be glad that we didn’t cut off your oxygen in this city at all. Yes, if we want, you will not work anywhere else at all. So thank us.

Veronica said "thank you" and left with nothing. Why did it happen? Was Veronica's mistake so terrible and unforgivable? Of course not. It's just that the organizers of the event noticed in time that the girl felt guilty and scared, and decided to play on it in order to save money.

Don't punish yourself like that. Be confident in yourself. One mistake cannot negate all your previous achievements. So do not hesitate to sit down at the negotiating table. And discuss in detail with the authorities what happened. You can take full responsibility for eliminating the consequences of your puncture. But don't let yourself be robbed of the money you have earned. After all, you have done your job. Because something doesn't work out, you don't have to lose everything.

Rule No. 5

Woodpecker syndrome, or should you “knock” on colleagues

History has known times when informers flourished. It used to be profitable to “knock” on acquaintances. And now? Will a denunciation of a colleague help to defend their interests?

Of course, many large corporations today live according to the harsh laws of the jungle: the strongest wins (see also: the cunning, the meanest, the bravest). Quite a few promotions have taken place after fellow competitors were “laid down” by their superiors.

A striking example is my friend Nina. Once she was a simple sales representative, but after one "lucky chance" she was able to hook her boss and he was fired. To take a warm chair, Nina went to the owner of the company and reported which of her colleagues - sales representatives took the state money, and who was rude to customers. So Nina got a promotion. But at the new place she did not stay long. Becoming the boss of those whom she herself had previously passed, Nina managed to turn the entire department against herself. In the end, the angry subordinates joined forces and drove her out of the firm. Morality is as old as the world: evil always returns, like good ...

If you have reported on someone, be sure - sooner or later they will report on you. Another situation is when you got access to some information that is really needed by the authorities. For example, your subordinate got into the state money, you found out and decided to cover him up in front of big bosses. Think carefully before doing this. In this case, you take on a huge responsibility. And if some facts come up, suspicion will fall on you, moreover, you can be made guilty. And then other people's problems will turn into yours.

In short, each case deserves a separate consideration. Weigh everything carefully before making a decision. If you hate to play the role of an informer who sneaks at his colleagues behind your back, you can play in the open. For example, honestly tell your colleague that you received some unpleasant information about him and are going to pass it on to your boss. You can even apologize in advance. But you shouldn't sacrifice your own interests to cover up someone's wrongdoing.

Rule No. 6

Smoke breaks policy

Friends are in short supply. Friends are easy to make in childhood and adolescence: classmates, classmates and even kindergarten mates or a circle of chorus / gymnasts / judokas. Where can an adult find friends?

"Of course, in your office!" - you will think and ... you will be mistaken. That is, you are not completely wrong. Friendship with colleagues is in your best interest. It's good when the team loves and respects you. It's good when you have someone to go to lunch with and someone to smoke with on the stairs. It's just great if your colleague can cover you in front of the boss with some one hundred percent alibi like: “Don't worry, she's only delayed because her tire is flat. Will come any minute. " But there are a number of situations and cases where friendship (or just too close relationships with colleagues) not only does not benefit you, but also directly infringes on your interests. Here are the most common examples of friendships that threaten your personal interests.

1. In a fit of candor (or stupidity), you let your colleague know how much you are getting. And he / she - dumbfounded by this amount - was imbued with envy, negativity and, as a result, the desire to kick you out of a warm place. The moral is simple - answer all inquiries about your income: "Commercial secret." The money question arose between many close friends.

2. You and a colleague-friend have to compete. And how will your friendship be built? Will you play giveaway, specifically trying not to increase your sales too much so that the other will not be offended? Not worth it. At work, you should always remain a high-level professional and work to your fullest. And may the strongest win.

3. Your friend is being promoted. And you quietly envy and wonder why he is better than you. This is where the office friendship ends.

4. You, in a fit of resentment or resentment, complain to your office friend about the boss, using a lot of unprintable words and obscene language. And your colleague at the right time passes them on to your boss behind your back. You can only guess: why was I fined / demoted / removed from this project / fired?

In a word, friendship is wonderful. But be careful. Don't let warm internal relationships ruin your career and hurt your interests!

Rule No. 7

Taming the bosses

Some believe that communicating with the authorities is a sophisticated torture. Others say it's an obstacle course. And we believe that communication with bosses is an ideal chance to defend your interests and strengthen your position in the company.

The biggest stress for my friend Lida has always been the road to work. The fact is that every day she went to the office on the same regular bus. And since her boss, by a strange coincidence, lived in a neighboring yard, they usually drove together.

- And why are you so worried? - I was surprised, - well, you think, you go by the same bus? So what's wrong with that?

“Yes, I don’t know how to behave,” said Lida, “either to say hello, or to pretend that I don’t notice. And is it necessary to sit down on the next seat on purpose? And keep the conversation going? Necessarily? Or vice versa? Maybe he won't like the fact that I go to him every morning with conversations. Or maybe, on the contrary, he will say, some kind of boor, ignoring me. I'm afraid he'll fire me because of these morning trips.

Of course, it is pointless to be afraid. On the contrary, all events in life should be taken as a CHANCE. A chance to change everything for the better. If, due to certain circumstances, you are forced to regularly communicate with your boss, use this to your advantage. You can take this unique opportunity to draw his attention to your work and your person.

The first approach to the big boss is not only possible, but also necessary. At the very least, good manners are required to say hello. And then, using non-verbal signals, you can easily determine whether your boss is inclined to communicate or not? Gestures of openness will tell you that your boss is in touch with you and communicating with you. In this case, you can safely start a conversation and even voice some of your wishes and requests for work and career advancement.

Openness gestures include: "palms outward" (when a person opens his hands, as it were, turning his palms towards the sky), "unbuttoning clothes" (of course, you can unbutton your jacket due to weather conditions, but psychologists note that for many people this is a gesture of openness and trust). If, on the other hand, your boss uses one of the closed gestures or defensive postures, you should not intrusively meddle with conversations. A signal to retreat for you can be: crossing your arms over your chest, arms hidden behind your back or in your pocket. However, you should not take all gestures without exception at your own expense. Sometimes they hide their hands in their pockets from the cold, and aggressive gestures are not provoked by you at all, but by unpleasant memories. In a word, you should not rush to conclusions, just as you should not avoid additional communication with your superiors, which can greatly help in achieving your goals.

Rule No. 8

The king is dead, long live the king!

What if your good old boss has changed. And now corporate power has been usurped by an outsider? What to do? How do I keep my positions? Or maybe conquer new ones?

Of course, it's in your best interest to please the new chef! As soon as he comes to a new company, even for a very high position, a person needs to get comfortable, find allies and like-minded people. Therefore, it is not so difficult to win over a new boss. The main thing is a competent approach, and your career interests will begin to be realized one after another. In order not to spend your whole life defending your own professional benefits, you can try hard once to build a relationship with your boss.

Here are some simple commandments for someone who is not afraid to be one of the chef's favorites.

1. Be kind. Getting started in a new place is never easy. Your new boss may well feel some discomfort in an unfamiliar office and unfamiliar team. Help him get comfortable. Of course, there is no need to impose. But it is imperative to make contact. For example, escort the boss to the cafeteria or show him where the coffee machines are.

2. When talking to your new boss, never speak too well or too badly of your old boss. If you praise your former boss, it will be interpreted as a challenge or an attempt to undermine: “What a superboss we had. Everyone loved him, and now because of you he is gone. Will you be able to match his level? " If you scold your former boss, you will thereby show your disrespect and shortsightedness. The new boss may decide that you are sucking up. (And who knows, perhaps after he leaves, you will spread the same unseemly rumors.)

3. Do not belittle your abilities and merits. Of course, modesty beautifies. But if you have to win the respect of a stranger, show yourself in all your splendor - otherwise how will the new boss guess that you are a real nugget and a very valuable employee? It is in your best interest to showcase your talents. And in any case do not belittle your merits. For example, you shouldn't say, “Our department has increased sales by thirty percent,” if in fact you were increasing those sales alone. So do not hesitate to "yak". Be honest: “I organized an advertising campaign,” “I developed a tax reduction system,” “I proposed a new strategy,” etc.

Rule No. 9

Love affair at work

The triangle is the most dangerous geometric shape in love. And what if the love triangle looks a little unusual: you are your loved one - your favorite job. Yes, what if you have a common job and similar interests?

It's not easy to have an office romance. It generates a lot of factors that infringe on your personal interests: here and gossip of colleagues, and the need to compete with your loved one, and, most importantly, a very difficult dilemma: whose career is more important?

Of course, the easiest way (especially if your romance is not so long and rose-colored glasses have not yet slept) is to shrug and say: "Of course his / her career is more important." And yet, if you look at things with a sober eye, it becomes clear that this way of thinking is extremely short-sighted. On what basis did you conclude that your career is not important? Why are you giving up the palm to your partner? Don't you think you deserve professional growth and brilliant prospects?

So, for example, my colleague Ulyana met her future husband at her favorite job. They were both journalists, very ambitious and disruptive. Ilya was not as hardworking as Ulyana, but he was not devoid of talent. Therefore, for some time their careers developed in sync. But one fine day the editor called Ulyana and offered her his position: “I am moving to another magazine and would like to recommend you for my position. You are capable and responsible, you can handle it. " Ulyana happily agreed and a month later was sitting in the editorial chair.

At first, Ilya, it would seem, was even happy for his bride. But very soon the problems began. Ilya changed for no apparent reason, began to come home later: "This high bosses like you, Ulyana, can leave the office at six, and journalists, if you remember, have to work day and night."

Ulyana could not calmly edit her lover's articles, knowing that each of her amendments could cause another domestic quarrel. In the end, even their wedding, which they had planned six months before Ulyanin's promotion, was in jeopardy. Ilya said that he was not going to be a gigolo and henpecked, and therefore refuses to marry a woman above him in position and status. And Ulyana gave up. She left her editorial position and went to work as a correspondent for another publication. And Ilya deftly took up the vacant editorial position.

Of course, it is generally accepted that sacrifice in the name of love is a noble cause. However, before you go to them, ask yourself again: which is easier for you - to find a new job or a new love. Sometimes it is more profitable to maintain a relationship, sometimes a career. Try to analyze what is in your best interests and follow the intended strategy.

Rule No. 10

Hi Monica Lewinsky

Not so long ago, no one in Russia knew the word "harassment". However, this does not mean that there was no sexual harassment in our offices. There were, they just preferred to keep quiet about them.

Hiding such "shameful" facts of the biography, as the harassment of their own boss, most girls, on the one hand, protect their business reputation, but, on the other hand, forever close the possibility of resistance and struggle against such orders. Unfortunately, it’s common for a girl today not to get promoted just because she refused to have an intimate relationship with her boss. And this state of affairs is considered quite normal and commonplace. At least few of the employees are going to sue their boss if, say, he decides to pinch for a soft spot. And our legislation, unfortunately, does not provide for laws that protect against harassment.

And nevertheless, it is possible and necessary to defend one's interests. At least there are several proven methods “eat a fish and climb the tree”, that is, on the one hand, to get all professional benefits - from career growth to a raise in salary, and on the other, not to pay for it with an intimate relationship.

First, don't be silent! If you have been sexually harassed, do not be ashamed to hide this fact. After all, you are the injured party! Let your colleagues know about it. Perhaps they also got into a similar situation, but were embarrassed to say. If it turns out that there were many victims of sexual harassment by the authorities, the fight for your rights will be greatly simplified. Not to mention that bad word of mouth will tarnish your boss's business reputation and he may lose his job.

Those who coerce count on your silence. And most of the victims do choose to remain silent, thereby reinforcing the boss's confidence in his righteousness and impunity.

You can try to collect evidence of harassment. For example, put the recorder in your pocket and record one of your conversations.

One friend of mine, Nastya, did this. She entered the boss's office and asked bluntly: “Viktor Petrovich, I want to make sure once again that I understood you correctly: that is, you are telling me that if I don’t have sex with you, you will achieve my dismissal. And you are sure that you have enough strength for this. In my opinion, the questions of personnel reshuffles are not decided by you, but by your boss, Artur Grigorievich. " Viktor Petrovich swallowed the bait and began to smugly threaten Nastya, drawing bleak prospects of unemployment. Nastya nodded, after which she went straight to the office of Artur Grigorievich, who was the head of her boss, and let him listen to the recording. I think there is no need to explain who was fired in the end.

Rule No. 11

Forever partners!

Another difficult situation is communication with the partner-clients of the firm. All business sharks learned a long time ago: the client is always right! And if the client is wrong, see point one. The question arises: if the client is always right, then how to make sure that you, an employee of the company, are not guilty?

Pleasing, pleasing and pleasing again - this is the policy of the majority of employees in relation to partners and clients of the firm. It is believed that companions should be cajoled with all available means. But still, there are boundaries of reason. So, how to establish successful communication and cooperation without giving up your interests and benefits?

First, try not to waste your personal time and money on communicating with partners. If your bosses want you not only to negotiate with clients, but also to entertain them in every possible way, "walk" in saunas, pubs and nightclubs, then stipulate the conditions of such a "working" regime in advance. Would you be credited with hours spent with partners in an informal setting? Are you reimbursed for entertainment expenses? Feel free to be the first to bring up this topic.

For example, my friend Polina spent a whole week with visiting partners from Germany. At the request of her boss, she took them to sights, museums, and fed them in the most expensive restaurants in the city. The Germans had a great vacation in Moscow, but when it came to signing the necessary contracts, for the sake of which all these parties were started, they backed up. Polina's boss was furious. He fired Polina because she "went on a spree for a whole week and did not show up in the office," although everyone knew that Polina was on a task from the management. And she was left without work, without money (partying in Moscow was always an overhead affair) and without the slightest idea of ​​what she did wrong and how she should be?

In short, no matter how much you want to please your partners, know when to stop. And don't let the boss make you the scapegoat.

Rule No. 12

St. Bartholomew's night, or How not to get into a mess at a corporate party

Corporate parties were invented by someone very tricky. It was believed that at a corporate party in an informal setting, subordinates can show themselves in the most favorable light before their superiors. In fact, most of the layoffs occur precisely on the days after cheerful corporate nights ...

Yes, a corporate evening is like a roulette wheel: you can win the attention of your superiors, interest in your person, respect and increased status, or you can disgrace yourself in front of the entire work collective and lose. So, what principles of conduct at a corporate event can serve your interests?

1. Strictly follow the dress code. If the invitation says evening gown / tie, take the trouble to dress appropriately. And no excuses like: "I'm just a secretary / accountant / trainee and why will I dress up like a ball." Representative appearance is very important. It is in your best interest for the bosses and partners to see you not as a simple secretary / cleaner / trainee, but as a worthy face of the company.

2. Don't drink too much alcohol. You should not perceive corporate evenings in the spirit of "hurray, today we are drinking for free!". This is very short-sighted. Try to know when to stop and stay sober. You don't have to drink every time you make another toast to the company's prosperity. It is enough just to clink glasses with everyone and sip a little champagne.

3. Try to communicate more. Show yourself as a multifaceted, versatile personality. Of course, it is not worth "loading" those present with work questions in order to prove their diligence and efficiency. Otherwise, at best, you will be mistaken for a workaholic-bore. You can start a conversation about books you read, theater, art, politics. Just do not rush to express yourself too categorically. Otherwise, you risk criticizing Pelevin and only then find out that your boss, it turns out, is crazy about him.

Thus, being sober and acting appropriately is the best way to protect your interests at a corporate party.

Rule No. 13

Diplomat for soap!

Some people confuse rational self-advocacy with the notorious swing of rights. This is a big mistake! Here are some examples of when you shouldn't push back and prove your point of view in every possible way!

So, you show excessive stubbornness and swing your rights if:

1. You are trying to blackmail your bosses: "Either you raise my salary, or I go to a competing firm." Of course, employer intimidation sometimes pays off. But be aware: this method only works once. If you appear with such threats every week or month, it will be easier for the bosses to replace you than to satisfy your endless demands.

2. Expect the impossible. For example, you ask for an unrealistic fee for your work, although you know very well that services of this kind are actually much cheaper. Or insist on a prohibitive amount, knowing that the project budget does not allow it. Of course, it is not only possible, but also necessary to apply for a good salary. But the numbers must be real. If you are asking for dizzying fees, knowing that the firm cannot afford to pay each accountant five thousand dollars a month, I would like to ask: what are you counting on? Do you think employers will be so impressed by your competence that they will get the missing funds out of the ground? This is unlikely. It will be easier for them to find a less demanding specialist. And you can be branded "prima" and "impudent" who overestimate themselves and their abilities.

3. You work on the principle of both ours and yours. In an effort to make more money, you work for two competing firms. It would seem, what could be more logical? Since the days of Truffaldino, people have learned that being a "servant of two masters" is very beneficial. On the other hand, most firms categorically prohibit their employees from working in this manner. And the well-known principle may work: you chase two hares, you won't catch a single one. Your duplicity can end badly, especially if the firm's security service takes over. So in your pursuit of earnings, it is in your best interest to stick to what is permitted by your firm's charter.

Rule No. 14

Corporate carnage

Even in conditions of peace and quiet, it is not easy to defend your interests. What can we say about conflict situations, when you think not so much about your own benefits as about not losing your place in the company at all ...

Still, you should never fold. Even if an avalanche of reproaches, complaints, negativity, gossip and other career troubles fell on you, do not forget about your rights and benefits. A massive psychological attack, of course, puts a lot of pressure on the nervous system. If, as a result of some situation, everyone in the office is up in arms against you, know that you are being provoked. The purpose of the provocation is to lead you to aggression, blind rage, which will force you to commit rash acts, for example, leave the company, loudly slamming the door and not taking the material compensation due to you (“here, they say, we are so proud”).

Another option for psychological pressure: reproaches and appeals to your conscience in order to instill in you a feeling of guilt for something. Don't give in. A person who truly loves himself will never be tormented in vain. If you are really to blame for something and can fix the situation, do it and forget. If you are to blame, but you cannot change something, ask for forgiveness, and most importantly, forgive yourself and forget, let go of the negative situation. Because otherwise, guilt, like a bag of bricks, will always pull you back and stand across your interests.

So, for example, my friend Nikolay worked for a long time as a sales manager in a large company and was seriously aiming for the position of a sector manager. But once, when the results of the employees were announced at one of the planning meetings, Nikolai had the worst result. It wasn't that scary. He fulfilled the sales plan, he just lagged slightly behind his colleagues in terms of indicators, and they, of course, did not miss the opportunity to undermine his self-esteem and self-confidence. As if by agreement, they began to turn an ordinary work situation into a conflict one. Some approached with words of sympathy, others with reproaches, others with ridicule and sarcastic comments.

Nikolai could not diplomatically and competently sort out this situation, make it work for his own interests. Constant "assaults" of colleagues very soon led to the fact that Nikolai resigned. He had to start all over again at another firm.

Of course, none of this would have happened if he had tried to use the situation to his advantage. For example, he perceived his temporary defeat as an incentive to go ahead by leaps and bounds, and then with passion would have embarked on the pursuit of high sales.

Remember: in any situation, even in the most impasse, there is some benefit for you. Learn to see and use it!

Rule No. 15

Discrimination is prohibited

Today everyone knows what discrimination is. Even sixth graders learn this concept in the school history course. Unfortunately, discrimination is by no means a historical term. It can be encountered in real life to this day.

My best friend is a very popular model in the capital. Her name is Katherine and her appearance is as beautiful and exotic as her name. Catherine is a mulatto, charming and sociable, she is one of those girls who immediately attracts people to herself and is constantly surrounded by caring friends.

Once, Katherine was having dinner with her old acquaintance Vitaly. They discussed the past summer, plans for the future, career successes.

- Listen, why haven't you appeared on the cover of N magazine? - asked Vitaly. - This is a great, prestigious men's magazine, you would increase your status by becoming their cover girl.

- Yes, in fact, I would love to, - said Catherine, - but how to arrange it? It's not so easy for them to get to the casting.

- Nonsense! Their editor-in-chief is a close friend of mine. Now I will call him and tell him about you, - and with these words Vitaly resolutely dialed the phone number:

- Hello, Gen, hello, how are you? Nothing? Look, I'm having dinner here with a girl, her name is Catherine O., she's a model, a real beauty. Have you heard of this? Ah, even saw her in commercials ?! Well, even more so! Would you like to put it on your cover? No? And why? Well, okay ... - And Vitaly pressed the hang-up.

- Well? - asked Katherine.

- I refused, - Vitaly stated in perplexity, - it's a pity ...

- Come on, it's okay, think about it, - Katherine shrugged her shoulders, - but he did not explain why?

- He said they basically do not publish photos of black models. Sorry, he says, they have a format - only the Caucasian race.

“I see,” Catherine smiled.

But in reality, nothing was clear. The twenty-first century is in the yard, but discrimination and infringement of rights on the basis of gender, race, nationality, etc., are still taking place. How to deal with this? How to defend your interests?

1. Do not try to get rid of the attribute on which you are being discriminated against. That is, if you are a woman, do not try to look more masculine. If you are Japanese, do not try to widen your eyes; if you are Georgian, do not hide your nose. We all know the example of Michael Jackson, who tried to change the race, and we all know how it ended.

2. Emphasize your personality. ("Yes, I am a woman, that is why I can handle the position of department manager. The department needs a real mistress!" .)

3. When faced with discrimination, do not give up immediately: “Well, what are my chances! Only men / Russians / Muscovites are accepted there! " If each of us folds, the situation will never change for the better.

Rule No. 16

Friendship is friendship, but money apart

It would seem, what could be more convenient, reliable and profitable than a joint business with your friends? In fact, not everything is so simple. The point is, good friends don't always turn out to be good workers. Are bad employees in your best interest?

One friend of mine likes to repeat: if you want to get rid of a friend, take him to your work. And there is some truth in this. Of course, everyone needs their own people everywhere. It would seem how good it is to work hand in hand with a close and trusted friend. Still, there are a number of reasons why you shouldn't hire buddies, recommend them to your superiors, or start a joint business. It's just not in your best interest, because:

1. It is difficult to assess the work and professional qualities of a loved one fairly objectively. Of course, it seems to us that our friends are super talented and mega-competent. In practice, you can inadvertently be convinced of the opposite. This is unlikely to benefit your career or your friendship.

2. It is difficult to criticize a close friend, and working together usually involves criticism. If you are not demanding enough of your friend, it will turn out that as an employee he works very mediocre. And that would hardly be of any use to the cause. In addition, it is very difficult to give orders, directions and instructions to a subordinate with whom you usually go to barbecues and meet for an evening cocktail every Friday.

3. All your work problems will become personal problems. That is, if earlier you could come and complain to a friend about slow creators or an angry boss, now you have to keep your problems to yourself, since your friend is this very slow creator.

4. If you have recommended your friend for a certain position, and he was not competent enough, then the demand will be with you, and you may be guilty. On the other hand, if you characterize your friend truthfully, he may be offended by you. Thus, the likelihood of being caught between a rock and a hard place is too high.

The conclusion is simple. Think soberly and sensibly! Only hire or recommend a friend if they are truly ideal for the job. No need to mix it with the professional personal! This is not in your best interest, for you can easily screw up both.

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