In the life of every kid there comes a moment when he grows up and turns from yesterday's kindergarten into a first grader. It would seem that both mom and dad were preparing for school, and in kindergarten the teacher tried to teach everything that a first-grade student should know, but there is still a feeling of fear of school.

Sometimes the children themselves cannot explain what caused it, because friends will study with him, and he went to preparatory courses, met the teacher. But the feeling of fear does not disappear. Some kids are even capable of throwing a tantrum before going to school or clinging to their mother's hand and not letting her go when she, having accompanied her child to school, goes towards the exit from the building.

School frightens with the unknown ...

Parents shouldn't worry about such scenes. This is completely normal. After all, the first year of school is considered the most difficult for students. This is a turning point in a child's life. Indeed, with the advent of the school, the child's usual life changes dramatically. The load increases, new relationships are established, and daily games are replaced by training sessions... For the kid it all severe stress... He needs a certain time in order to adapt to new conditions.

Let's find out what exactly might scare your child.

Firstly, it is the increased workload. At the same time, not only physical, but also psycho-emotional. Yesterday the kid played games with friends, and today he should receive knowledge and confirm it daily with his answers to the assessment. Many academic disciplines- this is a great difficulty for a child, because each subject teaches something different and requires you to perform certain duties in the classroom. Sometimes even students with high level intellect are lost and anxious.

Secondly, when a child goes to school, he realizes that his responsibility is increasing. Now you can't just "quit the game." It has special requirements that must be met. Also in his life there is such a thing as "school regime". And it will also have to be observed. You cannot choose which lessons to go to and which not.

Allow him to invite classmates to visit. This will help the child not to lose his position in society, and thus he will not be deprived of communication with peers. In addition, children can help your child keep up with learning new material. Learning as a team is a great way to learn a new topic.

Remember that you can always support your child by offering your services to the school. For example, becoming a member of a parent committee or participating with a class on a weekend hike. The presence of the mother will cheer up the baby, and he will begin to behave more freely.

As a last resort, you can always talk to class teacher and talk about the problem of fear of school. The teacher will definitely listen and help. If you cooperate with the teacher, the child's adaptation will be easier and faster.

It's hard to get used to studying after the holidays, and there is such a long third quarter ahead! You will inevitably become sad. And anxious children again have problems that have fallen asleep. And one of them is school fears, which are often intensified due to a change in the rhythm of life, stress, illness.

School for children is the main society. A lot of responsibilities and desires are associated with it. Unsurprisingly, most fears are concentrated here. One student is unsure of himself and is afraid to raise his hand; it is difficult for another to communicate with classmates. Often there is a fear of verification work, and quite often schoolchildren, especially younger ones, are afraid of the teacher. Anxiety is different, and they depend on the nature of the child and his psychological defense.

Fear itself is not always unambiguously harmful. It relieves us of unnecessary risk, helps us to adapt to the situation. But sometimes anxiety becomes constant and makes life very difficult. Then you need to pay serious attention to emotional condition child and think about the reasons for its deterioration.

Fear or anxiety?

The word "afraid" for children does not always mean fear. This is how the child can call other sensations: “I don’t feel like it”, “I am worried”. Help your son or daughter understand how she is feeling. “When it is really a school neurosis, its manifestations (depression or aggression) intensify during the period of study,” explains Tatiana Avdulova, associate professor at the Department of Developmental Psychology at Moscow State Pedagogical University. "If the state improves during the holidays, the child enthusiastically discusses various topics, but at the same time rejects everything related to school, this is a reason to take a closer look at the situation."

Who is more often afraid

The easiest way is to blame problems on an overly picky teacher. This happens, of course, but more often the reasons are much deeper. It is important to pay attention to the relationship at home. Anxiety, like a sprout that enters the prepared soil, develops when the psychological defense is reduced. It is formed in the family.

Disturbing "seedlings":

1. Constant parental dissatisfaction. Then the child is always waiting for trouble, self-doubt arises. Such children may be afraid of everything.

2. Excessive requirements. Increased exactingness deprives the child of comfort: he is not understood even in the family. A feeling of inferiority appears. Lyudmila Anshakova, psychologist: “Children are afraid of what they might be punished for. Nevertheless, there is a desire to violate the prohibition, and a vicious circle turns out. The image of a parent at the school door or another authority figure (teacher) is intimidating. Specific fears (of closed doors) appear ”.

3. Hyper-care. Children who are not used to making decisions on their own find it difficult to be in a peer group.

Practice

1. If you are afraid to go to school

This often happens after vacation or illness. Invite your son or daughter to agree with a classmate and go to school together.

2. If you are afraid to raise your hand and go to the board

Often, parents persuade the child not to be afraid and thereby fix the fear. “It makes more sense to focus on a specific reason: were you afraid because you learned poorly or didn't know the exact answer?” - comments Lyudmila Anshakova.

3. Fear of answering incorrectly

Teach anxiety management: "You have the opportunity to prepare (learn a lesson, think about how to behave)." Practice public speaking often. It's easier to speak from the third person. Play as if it is not the child himself who speaks, but the one he portrays.

4. With excitement

Explain to the children that this is a positive feeling that spurs action. Excitement can be tempered simple tricks- Breathe deeply, think over the first phrase.

5. Before the test

Do not exaggerate its importance ("You need to sleep, because tomorrow is a test!"). Transfer the event to the rank of privates ("Such checks happen all the time in life").

6. If the student is afraid of the teacher

There are, of course, cases when it is wiser to change the teacher, but first it makes sense to work with the situation. In any case, explain the meaning to the child. school requirements: this is not the teacher's arbitrariness, but the desire to fulfill general rules... Play different situations: a child becomes a teacher, and one of the parents becomes a student.

7. In case of uncertainty

Parental control should not be step-by-step, but final. Let's say we ask you to buy bread, but we don't say which one and in which store.

8. With difficulties in communication

Invite classmates to visit, come up with interesting events. Try so that in a new company or in a new place the child is not alone, but with someone from familiar people.

9. For all situations

To cope with anxiety and fear, tempering, a clear daily routine, and walking before bedtime help. And if with the onset of darkness, fears intensify? “By the end of the day, physical fatigue builds up, and then anxiety fades into the background,” explains psychologist Lyudmila Anshakova. - Parents are nearby, the body is already a little relaxed, nothing happened. As a result, fears become clouded. "

10. Anatomizing fears

We speak or draw. The image can be put in a cage, covered up or even torn. The main thing is to bring emotions to the surface, not to keep them in yourself.

Hello, my name is Dasha, I am 15 years old, I have a fear of going to school. Every day, when I wake up, I almost start crying, because I really don't want to go to school, even if the subjects are light on that day, it's still hard for me to go there. I was looking for a reason, since the 6th grade I have been trying to understand what is the matter why I feel so bad. But no matter what I think, no matter how I try to fix it, it's all to no avail. I hate everything there, from my classmates to teachers. Classmates okay, I don't give a damn about them, let them say what they want, shout after me what they want, I'm used to it. But the teachers are already a very difficult case, there are calm ones who calmly explain you teach this and everything is fine, we have two of them, and there are (almost all the others) who constantly shout, I behave very quietly, I almost never talk, my hand never too I do not raise it because I am terribly afraid that they will yell for something, it used to be that they ask you say it wrong and either start yelling or look with a heavy look. When they start screaming or the like, my tears involuntarily begin to flow, at this time I try to mentally calm myself, not listen, but all the same. I often cry at night, because tomorrow is going to school, and I don't want to go there. I start either from nerves, or from weak immunity, or I subconsciously do everything for this, in general, I get sick very often, it happens for three days, and it happens for weeks, because I am sick, I miss it, I start badly to study, but for me it is unacceptable, my parents start to get angry, and the very scary, I'm afraid not to pass the GIA ... I'm very afraid ... It turns out such a cute circle. I talked with my parents about the terrible fear of going to school, my mother shrugs her shoulders, says if you can't stand going to college / technical school, but we don't have suitable ones in our city ... 10, you choose this subject and move on) that the probability is 75 percent, then there is no choice you have to go to college. Dad tried to help motivate me to study, told me not to pay attention to the teachers, even gave me gifts so that I would have fun, but ... but to no avail, I come there all inspired, I go out like a squeezed lemon, plus 6-hour homework squeezes me out at home. I feel very bad at night in my own free time I start crying, dreaming about life about that other one without school, and how many different ideas I have! But they all roll into the abyss, there is no time, no one will let them come true. No friends to support. I wanted to end my life, or rather just stop it, but this is stupid, it is very stupid, because of the building with brooms in it, it’s expensive to decide. I do not know what to do...
P. s. Either because of nerves or because of age, but I have terrible pimples on my face, the dermatologist did not advise me toko, that I just didn’t do anything. Only once I saw the result when I went on vacation, about in the middle of the acne almost disappeared ... I was very surprised =) and glad, but about three days after the vacation they returned ... Everything was the same as before. In general, I also became embarrassed to go out ...

Hello.
Recently, I have very big problems with my studies. Algebra and geometry are not given to me at all, a complete zero in these subjects. The marks on them are simply awful, for a quarter 3, maybe soon there will be 2. There is no money for a tutor. I am terribly afraid of the teacher in these subjects, she shouts at me all the time. I'm in 8th grade, I think I won't be able to take the OGE in algebra.
I always wanted to become a translator, but my mother said that nothing would work for me and that I would not become anyone at all if I did not learn algebra. But I can't, every day I try to understand something, but nothing happens. All subjects except algebra and geometry seem to be given normally. I also fell ill with a sore throat, for the second week I have already been ill, in general, I must have fallen behind a lot. I am terribly afraid to go to school, because my grades in algebra and geometry are terrible, but I don’t know how to correct them, the teacher does not allow me to correct them. I also study in another city.
What to do? In general, why live if no one believes in you and you will not succeed in life?
Support the site:

Vlada, age: 14/26/11/2016

Feedback:

Vlada, dear !!! algebra and geometry are not the main thing in life! it is not easy for everyone. I can say that only a few! I never got it and I graduated from school with two Cs)) guess what subjects) - but nevertheless, this did not prevent me from getting two higher education with honors) and my daughter also has a triple peck (((although otherwise she is an excellent student. Your mom, of course, wants you to have better grades - every mom wants that) Mom believes in you, she just worries herself. , according to her. If you pass your exams - believe me) If I were you, I would talk to my mother, tell me that it is difficult for you and you are very, very worried. What are the teachers to be afraid of ??? Exams ??? Sunny, these are such trifles, but for you now it is a big problem. Talk about your worries with your mom - tell everything as it is. Pray, ask the Lord for help - he knows your worries ) You try to do what you can - read the paragraph carefully, ask the teacher what is not clear after lessons - it is also difficult for her with you, there are many of you, the work is hard. Let there be a C. It's not scary. Why should you ruin your life because of assessments? Is your precious life, given by God, so little appreciated ??? And you will have a lot of interesting things ahead) You will not go to work as a math teacher) You have many other talents! I believe that! God believes in you - after all, he made you special! And you will succeed! I pray for you and hug you! God bless you!

Anfisa, age: 37/11/26/2016

There are a lot of economists, and there are translators who earn great money. Learn languages. You may be a polyglot.

Maybe someone at home decides that he has a foreign language bad marks... Find yourself a friend, she will help you with algebra, and you will help her with Languages.

The profession of a translator is very successful.

People with knowledge of languages ​​are always in demand.

Often parents: they frustrate their own fears on their children.

Ask for help.
Explain that you are looking for help, that you are looking for a girlfriend with whom you can work.
And just keep quiet about the translator. And take care of your dream. And do everything to achieve it.

There are a lot of universities, there are a lot of specialties and professions.
I wish you good luck.

But dreams also change. I used to want to be an ecomist. But before entering the institute, I was already interested in another specialty.

Look at the school: as a place where you have the opportunity to choose those subjects that interest you.

Tell your mom or someone in the family about your guard for the teacher.

Dear, you grow up and forget about algebra and this teacher. Take care of yourself and your nerves.

I wish you to pass all your exams successfully. Successfully enter the university.
Learn and own perfectly different languages and work as a translator.
God help you

Jasmine, age: 11/26/2016

Hello! Vlada, if languages ​​are given to you, then you may well become a translator, why not ?! And algebra won't hurt you. It is clear that it is not worth bringing up to twos, but it is not correct to think that you will not achieve anything because of a couple of difficult subjects. Be sure to finish school, pass the exams, enter, I believe in you!

Irina, age: 28 / 27.11.2016

Under the press

Who is not familiar with the aching feeling: here the teacher moves through the classroom, comes to your desk and ... stops! The soul sinks into the heels, hands grow cold, time stands still. And it's not that from time immemorial studying proccess organized in such a way that the teacher can do anything: demand, evaluate, scold, challenge the parents, and the student can do nothing, except to study well. The trouble is that many teachers use “non-standard” methods in their practice. pedagogical impact”. For example, collective punishment. Petrov has not learned his lesson - the teacher is shouting. But not only for Petrov, but for the whole class: everyone should feel guilty! It is not surprising if at such a moment even the excellent students begin to bite their lips with excitement. For another teacher, the main weapon is irony. It always hits the sick person. Therefore, when the gaze stops on the student, he is all pressed into the desk, dreaming to quickly dissolve and become invisible.

What if a child is afraid to go to school because of a particular teacher? Try to be the first to take a step forward, tell the teacher about your trouble. Perhaps he does not attach much importance to his ironic tone and does not suggest what effect he has on the child. Always make direct contact with the teacher. The teacher will either help you cope with the problem, or will be indifferent (hostile) to your frankness. In any case, such communication will allow you to look at what is happening from a different angle, to better understand the situation in which the child finds himself.

Psychological press gives rise to a huge variety of fears: before the inevitable need to answer, before the danger of looking ridiculous in the eyes of their classmates, before the mark.

It is incomprehensible: after all, the mark is just a number, which, as a rule, does not mean anything. But it is she who has magical power: being afraid of getting a deuce, children do not want to go to school, because of deuces, many parents become enemies for their own child.

Today, fortunately, there are schools that have dropped grades altogether. Do you think that children in such schools study worse, try less? Nothing like this! It's just that parents and children, who are free from fear of numbers, begin to understand: the meaning of study is not to earn more good grades, but to learn new things and work on their shortcomings.

I leaf through the diary of a sixth grader: “Comrades, parents! Not performed homework... Take action! ”,“ Test- 2 ”,“ Behavior is ugly! ” Does this boy love his school if no one here loves him? Probably, he is in no hurry to show his diary to his parents. Hides it, lies, gets out. Fear became a part of him. He is always between two fires - school and home. How can you help him get out of the vicious circle? Be patient. Let there be no "fire" at least at home. And, despite the fiery calls from the diary, become your child's ally. In any situation, in case of any failure, he has the right to count on your support and help.

A modern school has a whole “remote control” for pressure on the child and his parents. Here there are buttons "threat of expulsion", "division into weak and strong", "additional exams" - but you never know you can think of such "buttons"! Don't be sucked into this game. Always put the best interests of your child first.

Enemy number one is boredom

How do children feel when they go to school for the first time? With joyful! They were promised a wonderful, bright, almost adult world! They become first-graders and wait with gambling inspiration: now the most interesting, long-awaited will begin. And it all does not begin and does not begin. And every day the children are convinced that learning is boring. They consider themselves deceived (parents shouldn't have painted the perfect image!), So they enter high school with a feeling of deep disappointment. It is at this age that discipline problems arise, buttons are placed on teachers' chairs, lessons are disrupted. In high school, there comes a time of sluggish apathy and general absenteeism.

To avoid this sad prospect, often ask your child when he comes home from school:

What was interesting today?
If he immediately starts talking about a lesson or event, everything is in order. If he waved his hand hopelessly:
As always - nothing! Is a serious alarm.

Some children are able to complete the tasks of the teachers, regardless of whether they are interested in it or not. They are just executive. But there are children for whom boredom is akin to torture. The longing in their eyes and an irresistible yawn are so clearly imprinted on their faces that they cannot but irritate the teacher.

When the ceiling in my apartment began to shake, and the sounds of heavily falling objects were interspersed with squeals, I knew: up there, they were doing their homework in mathematics.
- What is a fraction ?! - clearly heard from above. - Well, finally, share the infection!
Neighbor Vita helped her son do his homework.
- I'm all on the nerves! - she complained at the meeting, swallowing valerian. - My guy is smart. Everywhere - on "4" and "5". When it comes to mathematics, it gets dull and that's it!
- Maybe the teacher is bad? - I suggested timidly.
Vita raised her eyebrows in surprise:
- Who cares?
And again the ceiling in my apartment is shaking ...
But suddenly it was quiet for a week, another ...
A new mathematician has come to us! - said Vita. - My Lyonka now solves the problem by himself - you can't tear it off!
War is over. Nothing is known about the victims. Perhaps this is Lenkina nervous system traumatized by constant scandals, or maybe a relationship with her mother that will never be as warm as before.

Is it the child's fault if he is not interested in learning? I think parents are able to determine where their child is lazy, does not want to make an effort, and where he is simply bored. Do not scold him for what he is not to blame. After all, he cannot find himself a good teacher or explain to a bad one how to work. Creative people need an appropriate environment. Fortunately, now parents have the right to choose the school in which their child will study. Search before it's too late. Until your son has forgotten how to listen, while he has burning eyes and a responsive heart. Boredom is killing it all.

Unhook my label!

Granny! I am a fool! - said Masha, returning from school.
- Who told you that ?! - the grandmother threw up her hands.
- Chemistry teacher!
Tomorrow Masha will hear the same word from a physics teacher, then her classmates will pick him up, and soon the girl herself will believe it. Begins to be embarrassed to answer and reluctant to go to school.

How diverse is the assortment of school labels: "bully", "truant", "weak", "gray", "poor" ... Such labels are not harmless at all. Earlier it was just Zhenya, but now it is “difficult”. And Zhenya behaves accordingly, and everyone around him is prejudiced against him. "No! - say the teachers, - Petrov cannot be on "4". He can only on "2". No matter how hard Petrov tries, he will not see higher than "3". And after that he wants to go to school? Nobody notices the talents hidden in Petrov. After all, the teachers of both Leo Tolstoy and Albert Einstein once missed, having hung on them the label of gray C grade students.

There are no mediocre children, and no one knows the true abilities of their child better than their parents. The best way the fight against a negative school label - to create conditions in which talent would be revealed. Find a club, sports section, studio - let him choose what he wants to do. Then the child will know: I cannot study for A's, but I can draw well (dance, play the violin). He will not focus only on school and stop worrying about the label sewn on him.

Me and hostile "others"

Ezhikov was afraid to go to school from day one. When the teacher, getting to know the class, said his name, the children laughed. And Ezhikov was so upset that he cried. This is how his reputation developed. The situation was aggravated by the fact that Ezhikov really shivered all the time: either from a loud noise at recess, then from a blow on the shoulder. This, of course, could not escape the watchful eyes of classmates. Taunts, bullying have become constant companions of the boy. At first, Ezhikov cried, begging his mother to leave him at home. Sometimes she agreed. But Ezhikov soon realized: one missed day does not change anything, because tomorrow will inevitably come and you will have to go to school again.

Five years passed in this way. Trying to protect her son, my mother came to the class to “sort things out” with the offenders, and fought with their parents. But that only hurt even more. The mother was convinced: the reason lies in the evil children, who, as if by selection, were all in the same class. She achieved transfer to another class. But glory ran ahead of Ezhikov, and here he was no better.

Desperate, mom turned to school psychologist... The diagnosis of a specialist boiled down to the following: Alyosha Ezhikov has no experience of communicating with peers at all. Before school, the boy was brought up in sterile conditions, almost in a flask. Kindergarten he did not attend. I usually walked by the hand with my grandmother at a slow pace. It is not surprising that Ezhikov himself soon turned into a little old man.

The psychologist began working with the boy, analyzing problem situations, which arose in Ezhikov, suggesting how best to behave. Alyosha went through psychological trainings... Much has changed in him, but the burden of the “former Ezhikov” turned out to be too heavy. Therefore, the psychologist advised to transfer the boy to another school. He believed that Alyosha was ready for a decisive breakthrough.

On the first of September, Ezhikov met his seventh grade in new school... Hearing his name, the guys laughed. This was already familiar to Alyosha - he only grinned. Now he is confident in himself - there were no enemies around.

Uncomfortable relationships with classmates are a common reason why a child does not want to go to school. Try to challenge him to frankness and figure out: maybe he is inclined to oppose himself to the team? Or, having the ambitions of a leader, are you dissatisfied with your current position in the class? Maybe he has a conflict with a specific student or is oppressed by an offensive nickname? Analyze, discuss with the child everything that worries him. It is better to resolve any conflict within the school, considering the transition to another as an extreme way out, because where is the guarantee that the child will not face the old problem there too?

Remember little Pavlik, who, seeing the school, immediately ran home from his mother? Parents managed to find out the reason. Sobbing, Pavlik told them terrible secret: the teacher doesn't like him! No, she doesn't scream, she doesn't swear - she just doesn't love. It took a lot of effort for parents to explain to their son that a teacher shouldn't love him, that in life there will still be many adults who will not love him. And there is nothing terrible in this, this is normal.
But a child's soul cannot accept. She is still waiting for love.

When to look for another school

1. In the case of deliberate bullying of the child by the teacher.
2. If the school is not provided with a full-fledged educational process(there are no teachers in one or several subjects, a weak level of teaching).
3. If the methods that are practiced in this school are contrary to your views on parenting and are detrimental to the psyche of your child.
3. In case of hostility from all classmates.
4. If high demands and overloading are detrimental to the health of the child