Susceptibility to the opinions of others is real slavery and the main enemy of our happiness. Therefore, let's choose independence once and for all, realizing that the true value of a person and what others think of him are far from the same thing.

In modern society, it is easy to become dependent on the opinions of other people, because the value of a person is now unfairly judged by his social status. Note that talking about acquaintances is the #1 topic in our daily conversations. But let me remind you that there is too little truth in gossip to be taken seriously.

And even if we perfectly understand this, it is still sometimes very difficult to ignore the words of others. To deal with such a problem, you first need to clearly understand the 10 weighty reasons why you still should not care about anyone's opinion.

1. Nobody knows you as well as you do.

People can be very arrogant sometimes. And this is manifested in the fact that they tend to judge the personal qualities of another person after only a few minutes after they met. We generalize, make assumptions and form opinions about other people from the first moments of interaction, but the conclusions drawn are rarely correct. Few people know the truth even after years of communication. You know your own strengths and weaknesses, all your likes and dislikes better than anyone else in the whole world. Yes, people can be extraordinarily quick to jump to conclusions, but do their opinions of you match reality? Unlikely. So don't even bother about it.

2. Nobody likes to be worse than others

We all love to feel confident that our lives are far from worse than others. And when things do not go as smoothly as we would like, many begin to deliberately downplay the achievements of friends and slander their acquaintances in order to look more successful and prosperous against this background. In this way they try to hide their own insecurities and inferiority. Of course, it is easier to do this than to strive to rise and become better yourself. But this fact does not make such a strategy winning. Remember that only the best are discussed, so put all the gossip out of your head and get on with your life.

3. You deserve peace

Do you want to live a life full of excitement and worry? A life where other people's words will sting you like wasps every time you hear negative or offensive remarks directed at you? I bet what you don't want. It is unlikely that anyone will be attracted by the prospect of living their whole life as a “good boy”, who tries to please everyone and everyone, in fear of being offended or rejected. You deserve a better fate. Remind yourself of this more often.

4. In any situation there will always be dissatisfied

Successful people don't care what others think of them. Why? Because there will always be those who are dissatisfied, and in order to achieve something more, you often have to cross someone's path, without it in any way. And if, on your way to success, you suddenly find that you are not meeting any resistance, then you are probably doing something wrong. Whether you do what you want or don't, either way you'll be a bad person for someone. So why deny yourself then?

5. You just don't have time for it.

Success is becoming a better, more perfect version of yourself. In order to be successful, you must develop your strengths and minimize all your weaknesses. But how can you do this if you are too preoccupied with the views and opinions of other people? If you want to succeed, you have no right to waste your precious time on such nonsense. Focus on self-development, and not on thinking about the thoughts of others.

“Being yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make another person out of you is the greatest achievement.”— Ralph Emerson.

6. Self-confidence is not built on the opinions of others.

How often do you think a self-confident person pays attention to unkind criticism? I think not often. On the contrary, confidence comes from understanding the pettiness and subjectivity of the opinions of others. Confident people ignore unfounded criticism, they themselves know their shortcomings and know how to live with them. They don't need others to understand their mistakes. First of all, they trust themselves and their own opinion.

7. Only those who do nothing themselves criticize.

In his acclaimed book How to Make Friends and Influence People, Dale Carnegie reminds his readers of the importance of not criticizing other people if you want to be truly successful. Attempts to interfere with others, even with simple gossip, never lead to good. And, as they say, only those who do nothing themselves criticize. Therefore, do not pay attention to evil tongues - with their gossip, they only make things worse for themselves.

"Criticism is like a carrier pigeon: it always comes back"- Dale Carnegie.

8. You will start to believe what they say about you.

If you worry too much about the opinions of others, you will begin to forget that it is subjective and has nothing to do with the real state of affairs. And this is a sad truth. If you do not learn to ignore the words of others, you will quickly become the person that others see in you. Do not become a false version of yourself, remember that no one knows you as well as yourself.

"No one can humiliate you without your consent"- Eleanor Roosevelt.

9. You will become the same gossip

Our environment has a huge impact on us. And in terms of talking about other people, you need to be very careful. Especially if you notice that you have begun to ridicule and condemn your acquaintances more and more often, in an attempt to overshadow the opinions of other people about yourself. Do you see a certain cyclicality here? Everyone is discussing a friend, and with each new gossip it happens more and more. Do you want to participate in something like this?

10. You will regret it on your deathbed.

Of course, I would not want to end the article on such a sad note, but since we decided to consider all the reasons why you should not care about the opinions of others, then you need to go to the end. And the book “Top 5 Regrets of the Dying” will help us with this, the author of which for many years cared for people who are on their deathbed. Thanks to her rich experience, this woman was able to identify the top 5 regrets of the dying. Can you guess what tops the list? That's right, concern about other people's opinions. “I only now understand how much I depended on the opinions of others. I'm sorry that I didn't have the courage to live my life the way I wanted it, and not the way others wanted it" - this is what most people think about on their deathbed. Sad ending, right?

Never let other people's opinions guide you. We sincerely hope that these 10 reasons were able to convince you of the absolute uselessness (and even harmfulness) of all experiences about what others might think.

Be yourself, live your life and trust only your heart!

We are satisfied with life when close and significant people love and wait for us. This dependence can be taken for granted and "do not scratch where it does not itch." And what to do if public opinion haunts? Know yourself and make sure you are worthy of love and respect.

It would seem, what difference does it make to us, who will think about how beautiful we are, what we are wearing, what we said or did? The famous once said: “I don’t care what you think of me, because I don’t think about you at all.” The same opinion is shared by our contemporary American actress Cameron Diaz, who said that she does not care about other people's opinions, and she will live her life the way she wants, and not someone else.

People who are independent of other people's opinions can be envied, but they are in the minority. Most need the approval of others, sometimes even those who are unsympathetic to them. For some, such addiction generally becomes so painful that they need the services of a psychotherapist. In particular, actress Megan Fox, known for her phobias, has mental problems. Although, according to her, she often manages to ignore the streams of lies spread about her by tabloid publications, nevertheless, she once said: “... Believe me, I care what people think of me, ... because I'm not a robot ".

Impressive people with a vulnerable psyche, and especially young ones, are too dependent on the opinions of others. Perhaps it will be easier for them when they learn about the 18-40-60 rule of the American psychologist Daniel Amen, the author of many bestsellers, among which is “Change Your Brain, Change Your Life!”. He assures his patients, suffering from complexes, insecure and overly dependent on the opinions of other people: “At 18, you care about what others think about you, at 40 you don’t give a damn about it, and at 60 you understand that others about you don't think at all."

Where does this dependence on other people's opinions come from, the desire to please and earn words of approval, sometimes even from strangers?

Of course, there is nothing wrong with charming the interlocutor, making a favorable impression on him, no. After all, as they say, "a kind word is pleasant for a cat."

We are talking about something else: about cases when, in an effort to please a person, he says not what he thinks, but what others would like to hear from him; dresses not in the way that is convenient for him, but in the way that friends or parents impose on him. Gradually, without noticing how, these people lose their individuality and stop living their own lives. How many destinies did not take place due to the fact that the opinions of others were put above their own!

Such problems have always existed - as long as humanity has existed. Another Chinese philosopher who lived BC. e., remarked: "Worry about what other people think of you, and you will forever remain their prisoner."

Psychologists say that dependence on someone else's opinion is characteristic primarily of people with low self-esteem. Why people do not value themselves is another question. They may have been bullied by authoritarian or perfectionist parents. Or maybe they lost faith in themselves and their abilities because of the failures that followed one after another. As a result, they begin to consider their opinions and feelings as not worthy of someone else's attention. Worried that they will not be respected, taken seriously, out of love and rejected, they try to be “like everyone else” or be like those who, in their opinion, enjoy authority. Before they do anything, they ask themselves the question: “What will people think?”.

By the way, the well-known work by A. Griboedov “Woe from Wit”, written back in the 19th century, ends with the words of Famusov, who is not worried about the conflict that occurred in his house, but “What will Princess Marya Alekseevna say?”. In this work, the Famus society with its sanctimonious morality is opposed by Chatsky, a self-sufficient person with his own opinion.

Let's face it: depending on the opinions of others is bad, because people who do not have their own point of view are treated with condescension, they are not considered and respected. And, feeling this, they suffer even more. In fact, they cannot be happy because they are constantly in a state of internal conflict. They are haunted by a sense of dissatisfaction with themselves, and their mental anguish repels people who prefer to communicate with those who are confident in themselves.

True, there is another extreme: one's opinion, desires and feelings are put above all else. Such people live by the principle: "There are two opinions - mine and the wrong one." But that, as they say, is "an entirely different story."

Is it possible to learn not to depend on the opinions of others?

As the secretary Verochka from the film “Office Romance” said, if you wish, “you can also teach a hare to smoke.” But seriously, people underestimate their capabilities: they can do a lot, including

1. Change yourself, that is, learn to be yourself

And for this, first of all, a strong desire is needed. Writer Ray Bradbury said to people, "You can get whatever you want, as long as you really want it."

To change yourself means to change the way you think. The one who changes his thinking will be able to change his life (unless, of course, it suits him). After all, everything that we have in life is the result of our thoughts, decisions, behavior in different situations. When making a choice, it is worth considering what is paramount for us - our own life or the illusions of other people.

Known for his bright personality, the artist said that he developed the habit of being different from everyone else and behaving differently than other mortals, he developed in his childhood;

2. Control yourself

Having your own opinion does not mean not listening to someone else's. Someone may have more experience or be more competent in some matters. When making a decision, it is important to understand what it is dictated by: your own needs or the desire to keep up with others, the fear of not being a black sheep.

There are many examples when we make a choice, thinking that it is ours, but in fact, friends, parents, colleagues have already decided everything for us. Marriage is forced on a young man, because “it’s necessary” and “it’s time”, because all friends already have children. A 25-year-old girl who studies in the city is asked by her mother to bring at least some young man with her to the village during the holidays, passing her off as her husband, because the mother is ashamed in front of her neighbors that her daughter is not yet married. People buy things they don't need, arrange expensive weddings, just to meet other people's expectations.

When making a choice and making a decision, it is worth asking ourselves how it corresponds to our desires. Otherwise, it is easy to let yourself be led astray from your own life path;

3. Love yourself

Ideal is a relative concept. What serves as an ideal for one may not be of any interest to another. Therefore, no matter how hard we try, there will still be a person who will condemn us. How many people, so many opinions - it is impossible to please everyone. Yes, and I am “not a chervonets to please everyone,” said some literary hero.

So why waste your mental strength on a useless activity? Wouldn't it be better to look at ourselves in order to finally realize how unique we are and worthy of our own love and respect! This is not about selfish narcissism, but about love for your body and your soul as a whole.

A person who does not love his house does not put it in order and does not decorate it. He who does not love himself does not care about his development and becomes uninteresting, therefore he does not have his own opinion and passes off someone else's as his own;

4. Stop thinking

Many of us exaggerate our importance in the lives of those around us. A married colleague had an affair with an employee. Nobody was interested in this fact enough to discuss it for more than a few minutes. But it seemed to the employee that everyone was talking about him. And indeed, with all his appearance, he did not let people forget about it: he blushed, turned pale, stuttered, and eventually quit, unable to withstand, as he believed, behind-the-scenes conversations. In reality, no one was interested in his fate, because each person is primarily concerned with his own problems.

All people are primarily concerned with themselves, and even if someone puts on socks of different colors, a sweater inside out, dyes their hair pink, he will not be able to surprise them or attract their attention to himself. Therefore, you should not depend on the opinions of others, to whom we are often completely indifferent;

5. Learn to ignore someone else's opinion if it is not constructive

Only those who are nothing are not criticized. The American writer Elbert Hubbrad said that if you are afraid of being criticized, then "do nothing, say nothing and be nothing." And we don't want to be nobody. This means that we accept constructive criticism and do not pay attention to the one with which we do not agree, not allowing it to determine our life. The famous, addressing the graduates of Stanford University, admonished them: "Your time is limited, do not waste it living someone else's life."

Other people's successes and popularity often cause envy among people who crave them, but who lack the intelligence, abilities, self-discipline to win them. Such people are called haters, and they live on the Internet. They express their “hateful” opinion in the comments, trying to break and force to “leave” those who, in their opinion, have undeservedly gained fame. And sometimes they succeed.

Those who love to criticize, wrote Oscar Wilde, are those who are not able to create something themselves. Therefore, they are worthy of regret, and they should be treated with a share of irony and humor. As one friend says, their opinion will not affect my bank account in any way.

Even in childhood, in this or that situation, we understand that you cannot always say what is on your mind. If you do not fall into the tone of the majority opinion, you will be laughed at. Okay, still school years, but after all, the rules of behavior learned in childhood continue to work in adulthood. Moreover, the focus on public opinion is a real hysteria that is spreading in cultures around the world. On the one hand, there is nothing wrong with that, many people live like this all their lives, but HOW do they live and how could they live if they listened to themselves and were not afraid of society?

Irrational obsession with public opinion

There are no random events in evolution, and to understand the real reason for this madness, let's go back to 50,000 BC. e., when your distant ancestor lived in a small tribe.

Being a part of this tribe is very important to him, his survival depends on it. Ancient people hunt together, protect each other, and outcasts die. So for your distant ancestor, there is nothing more important than agreement with your fellow tribesmen, especially with authoritative alpha males.

If he does not agree with everyone and please the people of his tribe, he will be recognized as strange, annoying and unpleasant, and then they will be kicked out of the tribe altogether and left to die alone.

If he pursues a woman from his tribe and their relationship ends before it starts, she will tell all the women of the tribe about his failure. And all the women with whom he could have a relationship, having learned about the failure, will also reject him.

So staying in society at that time was everything, and everything was done in order to be accepted.

Many years have passed, but social hysteria continues to torment people. Now we do not need the approval of every person so much, but the search for social approval and the paralyzing fear of not being liked by other people seems to have remained in our genes and does not think of disappearing anywhere.

Let's call this obsession the social survival mammoth, or the inner mammoth. It looks something like this:

Image from Wait But Why

For your distant cave ancestor, having an inner mammoth was the key to survival and prosperity. It was simple: feed the mammoth well with social approval and closely monitor its fears of disagreement, and everything will be fine.

Such a system worked perfectly 50,000 years BC. e. And 30,000 B.C. e., and even 20,000 years after that. Gradually, however, society changed, and with it, so did the needs. And biology has not had time to adapt to it, which is strange, until now.

Our body and our mind are now made as if we were to live in 50,000 BC. e. This cave style of survival in society is no longer relevant, but it continues to torment us.

Now, in 2014, we continue to be haunted by a large, hungry and shy mammoth, who still thinks like in 50,000 BC. e.

Otherwise, why are you sorting through four outfits, but you can’t decide what to wear?

image from Wait But Why website
image from Wait But Why website
image from Wait But Why website
image from Wait But Why website

Mammoth nightmares about bad experiences with the opposite sex made your ancestors cautious and quick-witted, but now mammoth advice makes you just indecisive and miserable.

image from Wait But Why website
image from Wait But Why website
image from Wait But Why website
image from Wait But Why website
image from Wait But Why website

Mammoth intervenes in the impulses of creativity and does not allow to express itself because of the fear of failure.

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The mammoth constantly has flashes of fear, he is afraid of public censure, and this plays a huge role in many areas of life.

This is the reason why you are afraid to go to a restaurant or a movie alone because it is weird. The reason why parents worry too much about which college their child goes to. The reason for marriages without love and a profitable career without dedication and passion for your work.

Mammoths need to be fed, and fed constantly. He feeds on approval and the feeling that in any moral and social dilemma he is on the right side.

Why else would you choose your photos for Facebook so carefully? Why brag to your friends, even if you later regret it?

Society has an interest in supporting this mammoth-dependent model. It introduces titles and awards, the very concept of prestige, to keep the mammoth happy and to force people to do things that are essentially unnecessary and to live flawed lives that they would never have chosen if not for the mammoth.

In addition, the mammoth wants to adapt and be like everyone else. He keeps looking around to see what other people are doing, and when he does, he immediately imitates their behavior. To see this, just look at the photos of two college graduations from different years.

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An "acceptable" prestigious education has also become part of the mammoth's food.

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image from Wait But Why website

Sometimes the mammoth's focus is not on the general public, but on winning the approval of the puppeteer. This is a person or group of people whose opinion means SO much to you that it actually determines every aspect of your life.

Often parents or ringleaders in the company of friends become puppeteers. You can make your puppeteer even a new person or even an unfamiliar celebrity (which is often done by teenagers).

We desire our puppeteer's approval more than any other, and we are horrified at the thought of disappointing or upsetting him.

In such a poisoned relationship with the puppeteer, your opinions and moral convictions are completely his own, and it depends on him what they will be.

And while so much thought and energy goes into the needs of the inner mammoth, someone else is constantly present in your brain. It is always in the very center of your Self - this is your true voice.

image from Wait But Why website

Your authentic voice knows everything about you. In contrast to the strict dualism of a simple mammoth, for which there is only white and black, the true voice is comprehensive and complex, sometimes not very clear, constantly evolving and not knowing fear.

He knows how you feel about money, family and relationships; which people, interests and activities really bring you pleasure and which don't. Your authentic voice understands that it does not know how your life should go, but it feels the right way.

While the mammoth only looks to the outside world when making decisions, the authentic voice uses the outside world to gather and learn information, but when it comes time to make decisions, everything it needs is already in the brain.

The mammoth constantly ignores the real voice. For example, if a self-confident person expresses his opinion, the mammoth turns into a rumor. And the desperate pleas of the inner voice are rejected and ignored until someone else makes that point.

And when our ancestral brain continues to give the mammoth too much power, the real voice begins to feel superfluous. He becomes silent, loses motivation and disappears.

image from Wait But Why website

Eventually, the man controlled by the mammoth loses touch with his original voice. In tribal times, this was normal, because all that was needed was to agree and comply, and the mammoth does a great job with this.

But today, when the world has become much wider and more complete, and people are faced with many cultures and individuals, opinions and opportunities, losing the inner voice becomes a danger.

When you don't know who you really are, the only decision-making mechanism you have is the outdated needs of your emotional mammoth.

And when it comes to the most personal and most important questions, instead of diving into yourself and finding the answer to all questions in the foggy variability of your Self, you simply look at those around you and look for answers in them. As a result, you become a kind of mixture of the strongest opinions of those people who surround you. And certainly not by myself.

Of course, defeat is painful enough for everyone, but for people led by a mammoth, this matters much more than for people with a strong authentic voice.

People with a developed “real self” have an inner core that helps them to hold on and continue to do their job, and a mammoth-dependent person has only a desire to fit in with others and no core, so failures are a real disaster for him.

For example, do you know people who do not know how to take even constructive criticism, and sometimes they can even take revenge for it? These people are mammoth obsessed and they get so mad about criticism because they can't stand disapproval.

image from Wait But Why website
image from Wait But Why website
image from Wait But Why website

After all that has been said, it becomes clear: you need to find a way to curb your inner mammoth. This is the only way to take life back into your own hands and manage it.

How to find and tame your inner mammoth

Some people are born with an intelligent tame mammoth, or their upbringing helps keep the mammoth in line. Others never try to tame their mammoth until their death and fulfill its whims all their lives. Most of us are somewhere in between: in some life situations we control our mammoth, in others it harms us.

If a mammoth rules you, this does not mean at all that you are a bad or weak person. You just haven't learned how to manage it yet. You may not even know about the existence of a mammoth and that your true self is huddled in a corner and is silent.

Whatever your situation, you must keep the mammoth under control. Here are three steps to help you do just that.

Step 1: Test Yourself

The first step is to be honest and fair about what's going on in your head. Here are the three parts of this step.

1. Get to know your authentic voice

image from Wait But Why website

It seems that it is not difficult, but in fact it is very even. It takes a serious effort to cut through the web of other people's thoughts and opinions and understand your "real self".

You spend time with a huge number of people, which one do you really like? How do you spend your free time and do you really enjoy all its components?

Are there things that you regularly spend money on, but do not feel any pleasure from them? How do you feel about your work and social status? What are your political beliefs?

Have you thought about it at all? Are you pretending to care about things just to have an opinion? Maybe you have your own opinion about some political and moral issues that you have never voiced because people you know will be outraged?

These are common questions for soul exploration or self discovery, but they really need to be done. Maybe you can think about it right now, wherever you are, or maybe you need a special atmosphere: move away, be alone with yourself, and only then plunge into reflection.

In any case, you need to figure out what really matters to you, and start to be proud of your authentic voice, "real me".

2. Find out where the mammoth is hiding

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Most of the time when the mammoth is in control, the person is not even aware of it. But you can't succeed unless you're sure exactly where the biggest problems are.

The most obvious way to detect a mammoth is to find out where your fears nest, in which area shame and embarrassment most often arise. When you think about any area of ​​life, you get a terrible feeling, a sense of failure, and this failure seems like a nightmare. What is this area?

You are afraid to start something, even if you know that you are good at this business. What areas of your life definitely need to change, but you avoid changing them and do nothing?

The second place where the mammoth hides is in the all-too-pleasant feelings that come with agreeing with other people. Do you really please people at work and in your personal life? Does the possibility of disagreeing with your parents scare you? Between their pride in you and the opportunity to please yourself, do you choose the former?

The third field where the mammoth hides is when you cannot make decisions without approval from other people. Or you can, but you feel very uncomfortable. Which of your opinions and beliefs are yours and not other people's? Do you hold these opinions because others say so?

If you introduce your new boyfriend/girlfriend to family and friends and no one likes your crush, can their attitude change how you feel? Is there a person in your life who controls you like a puppet? If so, who is he and why are you allowing this?

3. Decide when to take control of the mammoth

image from Wait But Why website

It is impossible to completely get the mammoth out of your head, after all, we are people. But what really needs to be done is to get rid of its influence in some areas of life that simply must be under the control of your true self.

These are the obvious areas, such as choosing a partner, career, and parenting. The rest of the areas are individual and are determined through a simple question: “In what areas of life should I be completely honest with myself?”.

Step 2: Be brave, the mammoth has a low IQ

True woolly mammoths were stupid enough to become extinct, and social mammoth survival is no better. Despite the fact that they haunt us, mammoths are stupid, primitive creatures that do not understand the modern world.

Deeply feel and realize this. This is the key to subjugating your mammoth. There are two good reasons not to take your mammoth seriously.

1. The mammoth's fears are irrational.

The mammoth has five global errors.

→ Everyone is talking about me and my life and just think what they would all say if I did this risky or weird thing!

Here's how the mammoth thinks:

image from Wait But Why website

And here's what it actually looks like:

image from Wait But Why website

No one cares how you live and what you do. Most people only think about themselves.

→ If I try, I can please everyone.

Yes, this can happen if you live in a tribe of 40 people united by the same culture. But in today's world, it doesn't matter who you are or how you behave. Some people will love you, others will hate or just dislike you.

If some people approve of you, you piss off others. So a strong desire to please one group of people is illogical and wrong, especially if you do not strongly support their views. You make great efforts to please one group of people, and at this time other people who could become real friends will not wait for your company.

→ If I am judged, looked down upon, or said mean things about me, it will cause serious consequences in my life.

The person who is judging you or your actions is not even in the same room as you, or at least not directly next to you. This happens in 99.7% of cases. It is a classic mammoth mistake to imagine social consequences that are much worse and scarier than what is actually happening. In reality, other people's opinions mean practically nothing and do not affect life in any way.

→ People who judge me matter.

This is what goes on in the minds of people who like to judge others: they are completely under the control of the mammoth and are looking for the same mammoth puppet friends. The favorite entertainment of such people is to get together and wash the bones for everyone.

Maybe they're jealous, and badmouthing other people helps them get a little less envious. Or they just like to wallow in gloating. In any case, these judgmental tirades serve as excellent food for the mammoth.

When judging someone, gossips always end up on the other, “right side” and feel white and fluffy. It is unpleasant to realize that at your expense someone feels beautiful and pure, but in fact it does not affect your life in any way.

image from Wait But Why website
image from Wait But Why website
image from Wait But Why website

Other people's conversations and gossip do not concern you, they concern only gossips and their fattened mammoths. If you find yourself making a decision with an eye on the gossip for fear that they will judge you, realize in time what is happening and stop.

→ I will be a bad person if I disappoint or offend people who love me and have invested so much in me.

No. You won't be a bad person, son, or friend if you listen to the real you. There is one simple rule: if they really love you and don't take advantage of you selfishly, they will accept anything that makes you happy and come back to you.

Well, if you're happy and they don't think to come, what's happened is that their strong feelings about who you should be and what to do are the echo of their mammoths, and they get upset because they're worried about what will be said about it. other people. They let their mammoth conquer love for you, which means they have no place in your life.

And two more reasons why the mammoth's fearful obsession with social approval doesn't make any sense.

A. You live here.

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What could possibly matter?

Q. You and everyone you know will die. And pretty soon.

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So, all the mammoth's fears are irrational, because he is stupid. And here is the second reason.

2. Mammoth Effort Is Anti-Productive

The irony of the situation is that a huge mammoth cannot even do his job well. The methods by which he was going to win may have been effective in simpler times, but today they are irrelevant.

The modern world is the world of the “real me”, and if the mammoth wants to survive and thrive, he must do what scares him the most - let the “real me” take over.

The real person is interesting, but the mammoth is boring. Each "real self" is unique and self-sufficient, which is really interesting. Mammoths are always the same, they copy, obey and conform, and their motives are not based on something genuine, real. They only do what they "should" do, what they think they should. And it's boring.

The real voice leads. Mammoth follows. Leadership comes naturally to most real people, because they see ordinary things and decisions from non-standard points of view, from a different angle. And if they are smart and modern, they can change something on a global scale and create events and things that violate the status quo.

If you give such a person a brush and a canvas, he may not paint anything good, but change the canvas itself in one way or another.

Mammoths are, by definition, driven. Most of all, they are afraid of breaking the status quo, because they are just trying to conform to it.

When you give them a canvas and paint the same color as the canvas, they draw something, but it doesn't change anything because you can't see anything anyway.

In general, the differences between people who are possessed by the inner mammoth and those who are driven by the true voice are visible almost immediately. The latter have a certain magnetism, in other words, charisma, they are respected and loved in the team.

And all because people always respect the strength of character, sufficient to curb the inner mammoth and be independent. Here is the secret of a charismatic person.

Step 3: It's time to be yourself

Up to this point, we've just had fun with theory. We figured out why people are so worried about what they think of them, why it restricts freedom and why it is better to refuse it.

image from Wait But Why website

But courage for what exactly? As we have said, there is no threat in public opinion.

None of your social fears are actually scary.

Realizing this, you will get rid of the fear that you experience, and without it, the mammoth loses its strength and power.

image from Wait But Why website

With a weakened inner mammoth, you can be yourself and do what is right for you. And when you see positive changes in your life with little negative impact and no regrets on your part, listening to your true voice will become a habit.

Of course, the mammoth will not disappear, it will never disappear, but now you will easily ignore its pathetic attempts to seize power, because the true voice will become the dominant internal factor.

image from Wait But Why website

Your true self is given only one life, so give him the opportunity to live it.